Songs about Jane. 2004 man...
i swear NOTHING mattered that year.
haha you can just look at my hair...
my brothers getting up for work...
its 3:22a and i work at 10
and i have to pick up brown before i do that...
but i just dont feel like sleeping..
im not depressed anymore..
just down.
its just me and you blogger.
desolate.
sunday mornin rain is falliiin
steal some covers share some skinn.
where did i go wrong?
i was 100% independent and now im 20 in my prime and all i want is someone.
yeah i sin a bit, but thats not satisfying.
how could it be?
it wasnt before i had anything. it isnt now..
but it sure is something to do every once in a while. haha
whatever nig.
darkness she is alll i see.
come and rest your booones. with. mee.
this is for def. me and mama broglias song..
my life is at the standstill that i always despised about life.
but im ok with it.
i really am because im in an indefinite comfort zone.
im through taking chances and risking my 'coolness' factor.
it isnt worth being the person that i'd rather not be.
im a blessed person that desirable and completely resistible.
haha aint that some shit?
but it is ok.
i am ok.
i digress.
| Verb | 1. | digress - lose clarity or turn aside especially from the main subject of attention or course of argument in writing, thinking, or speaking; "She always digresses when telling a story"; "her mind wanders"; "Don't digress when you give a lecture" tell - let something be known; "Tell them that you will be late" |
| 2. | digress - wander from a direct or straight course |
i really like the word.
just like i use to like clever..and linear...and many others.
im a man of many words, and it was amazing because someone complimented..or spoke upon my ever changing vocabulary. and i told him that i took pride in being a person that people know to be different...
i had another talk with my mum the other day...
its crazy to see her give such amazing parental advise, but none of it effective, because i already know...
haha im the one telling her what i need to do, and how things are/will be.
and she can just see how much of a person i have become....
i feel so alone.
but this be the road i chose.
im living with it.
it isnt okay, but its definitely safe from certain bullshit.
i do have one person.
we've never met, but thats the best part about our friendship.
we've had plenty of chances to meet. we share a crowd of peers.
but thats the beauty of it..
me and her can talk all day about everything. and it doesnt matter.
but what i have with her..id rather have with a 'someone'
and thats where the 'all or nthn' comes into play.
but im through giving up my bestfriendship in an un mutual way.
i told myself id never do it again after morgan. and im doin ok at it.
i do the BEST that i can to prove to people that i am a keeper.
but slowly and for Surely, its being proven to me that i am not.
if i were any weaker minded..then my mentality would be broken and im pretty sure id be a scoundrel that has his way with perfectly normal females.
but thats not me.
im the passive. ill let them realize down the road.
its bloody disgusting but what am i gonna do? i cant control anyone and am never going to try.
i tell ya... 3 times in 6 months i was decided against for someone else.
jesus.
whats wrong with me?
im not going to go into it though because its quite depressing and so not worth thinking about...
i hate the era that i reside in..
but its whatev...
im better than this.
im a happy person.
and i now have a burden.
and im going to front like i dont have any. for the sake of my sanity?
haha naah not for that.
im completely sane.
i turn down anyone whom calls me crazy because thats the pretty easy out.
a very unexpected text message has been recieved.
its 3:38
:/
love is a helluva quandary
speaking of quandary
i would TOTALLY put tracy morgan on my list of interesting people...haha but outside of 30 rock..hes a pretty funny comedian..but not list worthy..
haha my list now consists of: Andy Warhol, and Marlon brando.
id like for it to grow :) but only time will bring that. haha
hes sucn an asshole there..but fuck. haha why not? it was funny. get over it yanno?
he may not have been such an amazing person, but i like him in a different way that has nthn to do with his art...but his art is pretty cool. originality is everything.
but im over it.
it is now 3:51 and i dont know if ive gotten everything off my mind, but i dont really know if there was really anything on my mind anyways..
so whats the point?
fuck a point. and when if my time ever comes early in this life. then one thing i want the people of my world to know is that Not everything needs a fucking point.
it just doesnt.
just live. yanno? its so hard for people to do JUST that. hell me too but thats because i let my past influence my thoughts.
but for the most part. i just live
quit fckn worrying about everything yanno? everythings going to be ok. aslong as your not in TOO bad of a situation..im not ambitious, i just know what i want and all i have is my patience.
and if my patience doesnt bring me what i want then i guess it wasnt meant.
im not a fighter. ive fought for one thing and i lost.
miserably, but i learned from it, and decided that im just not going to do it.
just let what i want come to me.
i want a new camera, but i have one now.
so in time.
it will make its way into my possession. but im not going to fight for it, because im in no position to make such a large purchase at the moment.
im still paying on new york for a few months...
new york...
my mother now knows that i wont be starting the new life that im so ready to start, until my life here has come to an end..and the 2 of them. are my life.
and not in that way. just not in that way.
i just consider them the biggest things in my life and theres no way in hell i could leave them and not be here for them when i can.
bad subject.
i need to go to bed, but i dont want to stop typing in this box..
its so back to reality when that happens.. and my reality after 11pm in this room is quite bad...very bad..
its scary how ones thoughts can haunt ones self..it isnt fair.
but life goes on..
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