Saturday, January 31, 2009

it sucks to realize

How Truely alone you really sucks because I don't think ill ever find someone
Whom is into me and the slow boring life that I live...
Tonight I go on mu routine drive to the "view" of vegas. Up on los feliz..
And 20 minutes into it I realized how stupidly lame it is to be at such a spot alone..
I instantly turned on my car and drove home...
I hate that about myself, but not enough to change it...
I still like whom I just isn't good enough :(
I'm now watching the godfather before I call it a night with my folie a deux cd..
And it just sucks to realize that no one out there prefers...

Thursday, January 29, 2009

i love.

who the fuck i am!
i wish there were more of me...
my life is so cool..
fuck it!
theres alot of bullshit that occurs,
but everyday is a new day and everyday not spent in the obituaries is a good day! haha
but anyways...

i wish i worked at at&t

Saturday, January 24, 2009

for me giving up's way harder than trying

its a great quote man.
kanye IS an icon..
fck the denyers...
ive nthn to say here...
last night was revolutionary..
it felt like a scene out of a film..but the outcome was all too reality..
thats what sucks about hollywood and reality.
theres a helluva fine line..
and sometimes you just wish it(life) would go the way of the fantasy..
after last night man..
we should be together.

but thats so far fetched. and im not dwelling anymore! im not
but it'd just be nice.. yanno?

i learned early in life that 'life isnt fair, deal with it'
and ive been dealin man.
i deal!
but shit.
cut me some slack

Now playing: Q-Tip - Move
via FoxyTunes

Thursday, January 22, 2009

OMFG! my 21st birthday will consist of

* my 2nd visit to NY
* Being 21
* Jet Blue

* the Jane

ive got alot more planning to do.
but this is a start as of today!

Now playing: Nas - Halftime
via FoxyTunes

tumblr is SO much cooler

for my latest sense of blogginnn
i can just insert shit in there. hahaha and it'll toootaly look how i want it!

Now playing: The Cool Kids - Fresher Than You
via FoxyTunes

Wednesday, January 21, 2009

sometimes i just want to say

"Fuck what you know. You need to forget about what you know, that's your problem. Forget about what you think you know about life, about friendship, and especially about you and me"

because seriously....
im in control
I can change the person you thought you knew. in a flip.
nthns a front if you know who you are and who you can be.

you are now my man on the mooni

why not..
you can tell anything to the man on the moon because whelp...its a whole different world that no one is a part of.
and that is what you are.
my fair blogger.
im so tired of everything having to matter..yanno?
im finally on my nthn matters campaign and i just wish i werent aloneish..
but then at the same time..theres alot of things that i do, that no one else seems to think they can explore a big city alone.

anyways. this isnt about me.
oh wait! it is.

so lets talk about me..
fuck you.
hahaha jk.

ive become such a monster yoe.
i kinda like it. but at the same time. id much rather be the innocent one that i was a few years ago..
now im just a know it all with manipulative urges.
but then at the same time.
i dont care, fuck it. haha this is me now. and nthn lasts forever.
besides! i believe im doing perfectly fine. aside from the constant self conflict that i have going on over certainX <--totally cut myself off! ~)

so anyways..
thank you for listening

Tuesday, January 13, 2009

Carltons Log: 1-13-09

im singing my heartout to fckn camisado right now america and through the night i have grown to realiize thaat...
ive actually grown up a little bit in the last year baby!
hahaha lets seee...
30 minutes ago
HAHAAHHAHA dont EVIN hate!!! hahahahaa
nah heres something that showed a bit of age
that picture is like one of those obituary pictures n shit..
hahaha 'in memory of' type shit
hhaha but its all good. i hold tha

Now playing: Kid Cudi - Pillow Talk
via FoxyTunest pic pretty high too.

so anyways man...
FUUCK haha so glad i made the decision to drink that night..
new years 1

i was so funny.. haha and its funny because i feel pretty funny sober, but i wont give myself that credit. haha but that video..haha shiit! it never gets old!
idk..i wont be doin that again for a while. prolly not that extreme til september. and thats when i hit 21 haha. TONIGHT! WERE GETTIN FUUCKED UP! but until then..ill keeps it casual n what not..

so anyways. i came into this blog to speak on how ive grown in the last year..
and i dnt really want to talk about it anymore..haha fck me right!
but i will tell ya..
i think after all the bullshit i went thru last year...this year sofar 13 days deep.
ive just realized that...  is so cool.
i mean. ive always known it. i feel like a gdamn professional at it..
but last year i really lived. i loved. and i lost.
and now man. im just sitting back waiting for whats next. like i was doing beFore last year. haha so im back on some o7 shit....
look at my slang..its nasty and i should have my mout' washed out with soap.
but i like it..haha i tualk like im from ny a poser i guess. but fuck it.
thats where i want to be! so what if im practicing my slang and accent. be over it! like i am.
so yeh...

ive gone from taking pictures of

too taking pics of
with a little bit of skill

but this isnt a showcase..
maybe i should turn it into one.. haha i shot wellover 10k pictures last year..prolly edited like 5% of that..but thats how it is baby! haha

soo........................................what to talk about? haha

friday: 1-16-09
if ccity doesnt get boughten by an outsider, then they bring the liquidators in and im out a job and out a WHOLE group of folks i consider family...
thats the part that bothers me..
but what can i do yanno? haha we'll see though. anything can happen baby

soo yeh...ive got a fact sheet running that im not sure where to post.
i like keeps me reminded! haha because i forget certain things about me that people already know, but i never remember to be able to tell..
asif that made any sense..

i wish i were an uber public person...
like..a person to interview yanno? haha
im curious as to what i would say in an interview, also what theyd ask..but those are all typical questions depending on the topic..
like this

and SURE he was higher than gas prices in that first one...but was just interesting..
and in the 2nd one..was amazing to ME because...just because! it seemed like a gimmick to be dickheaded and funny..but thats just what he did!
and? haha the end!

not everything needs a point...

so a year ago..this is where i was

thats so fucked...
how things just change. and people fade haha

its cool to see i recognized it though.
asof: 1-13-09. these be my issues

*im broke :)
*i need more money
*i may be jobless really soon
*nobodies hiring because the economy is disgustingly fucked
*im lonely
*im 1500 in debt to amex. but thats ok..
*my tax return isnt what i want it to be
*im lonely
*i want a canon 40d
*my car isnt what it was in 06 and i dont want to pay a million dollers to ma er run that way
*i still dont comPletely consider myself a photographer for some reason
*im starting to feel like a low life. but not there yet
*im lonely
*** and of all of those listed..only a few of them are REAL problems***

i could be dead though right?
so breathing makes all of that irrelevant

deeze nuts biatch :)
im a proud owner of a
for a few months now. and his phone is definitely superior.
and ive a small gathering built around the bb messenger. haha i fckn love that shit..its amazing. idk why..

i want to move to brooklyn, and work in manhatten :/
but my time will come...i had the talk with my mudder a few nights ago..
it sucks because now its out that i wont be going anywhere until theyr gone..and i never EVER want that day to come...
i just dont man..but life is life
and ill be starting a new one if im not satisfied with the nonsense going on out here.
if i could i would pack up and leave right now for 6 months.
grow some homesickness, and be able to really start fresh.
alll i have out here is family..and thats my fault, but alls i Want is a companion..but i wont go into a lonely soliloquy because thats lame and totally not worth typing about right now..

its 230 am and everyone is knocked out but me...
this is nightly for me and its pretty bad..
but interesting.
i use to be able to live inside of my head, and the silence would never get to me.
and my own worst enemy to someone else.

so im into the Darkish photography
Photobucket Photobucket and then theres:Photobucket

i love that shit...haha bigtime fan of that one..
idk give it a grittier description to me..
and im a bigger fan of grit then glam..
but thats just the 'period that im in' hahahaha
dont get me wrong!!!!! im not STUCK in oblivion right now.. just into the feeling and output of it
TOYS!!!!!! haha theyre so sick...if i could get paid to do action scenes with toys..i think i would be into that. haha its different yanno?
sheesh! i make whole stories with them shits!
hence: Photobucket


thats the pic taken by a lifeless prick thats overly sarcastic and barely optimistic. hahahah WOW that was mad gay.

so yeah....
Kid Cudi is pretty.Dope
im thinkin maybe him and the cool kids need to do a collab..haha
both of them are in my january 13th playlist that i made spacifically for this blog..
id hella kick it with all 3 of them suckas.
not take pics though..
fck takin pics of ppl. haha i still do it though..sometimes
haha especially in situations like these..
christmas morning -Circa o8-
we got him a fckn du-rag
HAHAHAHAHHAAH CLASSIC!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

and then theres the action shots..
thats almost background material...but not

fck i love taking pictures..when i feel it.
sometimes i dont even feel it for a month.
i think im gonna leave my camera at home next time i go to new york...
i seemed too touristy and that wasnt my intention..haha unless i have my 40d..
WHEW! that bitch is a beast!

soo hmm..
it is now 3:25 am
and ive been mad bullshittin :)
haha this is a nightly thing for me..even when i work at 9....
its somewhat of a shame..but i really do have an issue with not seeing the full potential of my time here..
i dont need 8 hrs of sleep..cuz thats just 3 hrs i could have been up to relieve someone of a sleepless night, or someone with an emergency question that only i can answer!!!!!!! hahahaha ok not that extreme..but sometimes it coems in handy being up this late and it doesnt happen often. but folks should always know that im somewhere around..
call me the watcher..haha
 or even the godfather..haha jkjk.

i dont want to end this b.loogggyy
i want to provide like an hrs worth of reading material and enlightenment because my last few blogs havent been up to par with what i used to provide, and i learn of certain fans like my maan phil. haha whom looks forward to my blogs..
im not much of a blog reader because theyre just not as interesting or...idk! i just dont care! haha but ive come to learn that i can be a mysterious person at times? or idk! folks are just as curious as i am as to whats going on in my mind..
my scatterbrained way of life is so..................
different! haha it worries me at times because it doesnt seem suitable for todays way of life..but at the same time i kinda love it because it all comes together in one way or another....
sometimes, most of the times it doesnt. but when it comes to helping a fellow peer. im on top of it!
ive done 18 years of watching man, and 2 of living...
i think high school is just a pre-req to life...finish 12 years and then start life. i swear! haha its such bullshit! i mean yeah! thats where the education takes place. but your so not your own person until you dont have the obligations that school provides....
but ill be damned if i support dropping out. fuck that! haha finishing school is a must just because....fck an explanation! it just is bitch! hahhhaha jkjk..
but really. in the last 2 years....i have really experienced life and theres SO much more ahead of ready for it all to be behind me, but at the same time. im good where i am. haha
the cure to growing older?
live in the moment! and not anywhere near the future because that shits more of a mystery then how the hell bush 'ran' this country for 8 years
but im not gonna get philosophical n shit, and that wasnt the cure to growing older...i cant really explain just doing it...staying young.
ill be damned if i dont have bills and drama, and am gona turn around and BE 20...
nah baby. i still geek out to things that make me happy. like

i geek OUT to some jive talk maaan. but im sayin! you just gonna play me the low tip? thats some coold shit fuzz.

HAHAHA wit cho electric boogie ass.
hahaha walk like you got clap!! hahahah

haha speakin of the elctric boogie..


FUUCK!! ahha my heart Beats to the old schooL!


haha but the point of all the nonsense i just posted..
i just wanted to show you guies SOME of the shit that i geek out Photobucket thats my geekout face..hahaha wiith caption! hahaa so when you see that face..then something has JUST hit me and ill be sure to pick smthn up from it :) haha i try to base my life off of the good ol things/days...
cuz times were GOOD baby...i didnt get to experience any of it, but i was still born into it...

ok man....idk if i have more junk to throw you im not gonna fake the funk ;)its now 405 am..
alrighty then my fellow americans..
til next time! which i never know, and neither do you! but its nice when you speak up! haha.
ill keep ya's posted! thanks you for your time annd be safe n stuff. nighty

Now playing: Kid Cudi - Pillow Talk
via FoxyTunes

Now playing: Kid Cudi - Pillow Talk
via FoxyTunes

Now playing: The Aquabats - super rad
via FoxyTunes

Now playing: The Aquabats - my skateboard
via FoxyTunes

Sunday, January 11, 2009

god i miss her..

4th blog of the night and im feeling fiery.
ok not really.
just uber mega lonely.
and in need.

its just me.
my imac.
and blogger as of yet.

im playing with the layout by hand.
i fckn hate html.
its so nerdy and computery yanno?
fuck man i have work tmoro :((
i need that new york life..
i need the culture.
the life.

this wreck right here. it aint for the faint of heart.

so im gonna watch a super hero movie tonight..
so i can hopefully escape for the 2.5 hours that it'll have me..
i hope strongly for an escape because im not tired.
jesus. i wish i didnt have a voice in my head.
or sad memories.
omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgom AHHHHH

my head literally spins at times.
but i cant spend 20 hrs a day AWAY from home. that isnt fair to the ones that miss me the most..


i havent spoken a word in over an hour now!!!!!!!
i havent even sang a song lyric!!!
whats going on? im gonna feel so stupid tomorrow..
but at the same time......getting through these nites is getting rough! man!


i made that picture on a night like this...
i took like 50 of them, and.

fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
god im so not this weird

god: ~

if i wasnt too cool to drink

new years 1

then i would be drunk right now...
nothing literally mattered. haha but fuck it..this is my life and im gonna deal with whatevers in it. haha but seriously though..
wasnt that shit funny?
haha asif a blog could watch a video and give me feedback.
fuck friends man. id rather just lay with someone.

so im gonna edit this pic of sev real quick..ill brb..

Sevvy by ~thafro on deviantART

i love editing lately...idk haha but i have NO sense of urgency to do it..

so anyways...once again.
ive lost my train of thought..
its only 9-11 pm and i took a nap at that just means that its gonna be a LONG night man...
i fucking hate these...i had one last night..
im envious of those out there that have someone.

so this guy kid cudi -
hes a pretty cool fckn guy..idk his mixtape isnt whack. its what ive been bumpin lately next to q-tip and the aquabats.
hahaha the mthafckn aquabats man..
theyre senseless and i love it...
you know what?
its just occured to me that i have an obsession with senselessness.
i hope that doesnt end up fatal. haha that wouldnt be good, cuz then ill just do senseless shit just because...asif i dont do that now..

so what next?
i didnt go to ces this year..
i woke up today and i just..didnt want to do it alone..
but i didnt really just want to do it with anyone..
people whom know me well, know that im geeky.
i think thet that is an experience i would love to share with someone that isnt as tardy as me. haha
maybe next year.

i could give so much of a shit less how this years going to be.
i lost alot last year.
bigtime just proved that in life: all bets are off!

i miss my mother man..
i just want to talk to her again..
fuck yanno? she grumbled and mumbled worse than me..and i love that now.
i see her now as my escape? yanno like..her life sucked so bad...but man..she never did say shit like 'damn my life sucks' and i started to look up to that in the end..
it never use to be an example for me to follow. but shish haha 'life' in general is whackly right now man. the most ive got is my livelyhood.
and family. whom i dont take for granted..i could just use more.
oop! there i go again..
i digress...

i cant believe im alone right now.
i would take it as far as calling myself pitiful..
but illl let someone else do that.
til then. im so damned cool.


i wish someone ive never met in my life, would interview me..
im interested in the questions that they would ask me, and definitely the answers i would give..
i want to be publicly important.

my life is so content on the outside.
gah! i can just sitback and look at how beautiful things are..
but for all things good...theres gotta be something beneath the surface?

so tell me something? cant haha.
just a box.
like a canvas. and am i the artist?
or the manatee. haha sharkweek that shit...

i feel so..

who's gonna save my soul now?


Ill tell ya what bugs the effin shiit out of me... And that's a line of 50 people at the goddamn redbox, and folks spending 10 minutes at the bitch for one movie? Dude fuck you its the gdamn redbox. Not rocket science.. Fuuck!
So anyways.
It doesn't make any sense how scatter brained I am.. I like it n all but aren't I too young? Haha shouldn't I be on some kinda mega cool effected drug? Haha damn

I wish I had funky ass moves so I could dance battle...

Gah! I've no one to talk to

I'm here at ashs b'ng from my phone and I realize that I have a mean home alone life..
Thanks to my own conscience.
I digress.

What is there even to talk about yanno?
Ccity may be closing...I'm honestly scared, but its definitely something that's been coming.. jeremy and I had a talk and he's genuinely optimistic about it and I feel for him... Optimism can lead to the biggest of heartbreak. Haha but hey, maybe his hope will keep us around.. I need that place man. Not the company, but the people.. Its like school all over again. Even with the stupid gossip and drama, but its okay. I'm over it man. I've learned many lessons and am quite bummed that things bit me in the ass.

It seems whenver I have something to vent that I always end up avoiding the same topic.. I wish I could just type it Allll out... But I don't want to. I don't want to remember the darkest period in my life because of a lot of reasons..I just didn't deserve it.
But I'm working on going back to the person that never thought of himself because I was more considerate.
now.. I just don't want to hear peoples problems because I either just don't want to think about mine, or I already have suggestions and solutions to their problems because of what I've learned...
That's not the point if talking though.. The point is to listen and give feedback when necessary..
Maybe I should write a book? Haha
Naaaah. I think I need to live asif I've never been heartbroken...

So anyways..
Moving on is a waste. And I'm tired of trying.

Hello there.
My name is Danny Ray and I am a person.
A person whom is___

What happened to my 2007 life? Haha fuuck! I was soooo on track to.... Just being who I wanted to be..
and I still am, but I have the biggest urgency to not be alone now.
And I swear, I use to be able to spend forever in my own head. No issues.. I guess I was a perfect person for a time.
And now when I try, I just attack myself on how I'm not good enough for So much.

My writings use to be so happy and forward.

Why am I not a keeper... I'm here at ashs b'ng from my phone and I realize that I have a mean home alone life..
Thanks to my own conscience.
I digress.

What is there even to talk about yanno?
Ccity may be closing...I'm honestly scared, but its definitely something that's been coming.. jeremy and I had a talk and he's genuinely optimistic about it and I feel for him... Optimism can lead to the biggest of heartbreak. Haha but hey, maybe his hope will keep us around.. I need that place man. Not the company, but the people.. Its like school all over again. Even with the stupid gossip and drama, but its okay. I'm over it man. I've learned many lessons and am quite bummed that things bit me in the ass.

It seems whenver I have something to vent that I always end up avoiding the same topic.. I wish I could just type it Allll out... But I don't want to. I don't want to remember the darkest period in my life because of a lot of reasons..I just didn't deserve it.
But I'm working on going back to the person that never thought of himself because I was more considerate.
now.. I just don't want to hear peoples problems because I either just don't want to think about mine, or I already have suggestions and solutions to their problems because of what I've learned...
That's not the point if talking though.. The point is to listen and give feedback when necessary..
Maybe I should write a book? Haha
Naaaah. I think I need to live asif I've never been heartbroken...

So anyways..
Moving on is a waste. And I'm tired of trying.

Hello there.
My name is Danny Ray and I am a person.
A person whom is___

What happened to my 2007 life? Haha fuuck! I was soooo on track to.... Just being who I wanted to be..
and I still am, but I have the biggest urgency to not be alone now.
And I swear, I use to be able to spend forever in my own head. No issues.. I guess I was a perfect person for a time.
And now when I try, I just attack myself on how I'm not good enough for So much.

My writings use to be so happy and forward.

Why am I not a keeper...

Friday, January 9, 2009

is there anyone out there

cuz its gettin harder and harder to breath.

Songs about Jane. 2004 man...
i swear NOTHING mattered that year.
haha you can just look at my hair...

my brothers getting up for work...
its 3:22a and i work at 10
and i have to pick up brown before i do that...
but i just dont feel like sleeping..
im not depressed anymore..
just down.
its just me and you blogger.

sunday mornin rain is falliiin
steal some covers share some skinn.
where did i go wrong?
i was 100% independent and now im 20 in my prime and all i want is someone.
yeah i sin a bit, but thats not satisfying.
how could it be?
it wasnt before i had anything. it isnt now..
but it sure is something to do every once in a while. haha
whatever nig.

darkness she is alll i see.
come and rest your booones. with. mee.
this is for def. me and mama broglias song..

my life is at the standstill that i always despised about life.
but im ok with it.
i really am because im in an indefinite comfort zone.
im through taking chances and risking my 'coolness' factor.
it isnt worth being the person that i'd rather not be.
im a blessed person that desirable and completely resistible.
haha aint that some shit?
but it is ok.
i am ok.
i digress.
Verb1.digress - lose clarity or turn aside especially from the main subject of attention or course of argument in writing, thinking, or speaking; "She always digresses when telling a story"; "her mind wanders"; "Don't digress when you give a lecture"
tell - let something be known; "Tell them that you will be late"

2.digress - wander from a direct or straight course
deviate, divert - turn aside; turn away from

i really like the word.
just like i use to like clever..and linear...and many others.
im a man of many words, and it was amazing because someone complimented..or spoke upon my ever changing vocabulary. and i told him that i took pride in being a person that people know to be different...

i had another talk with my mum the other day...
its crazy to see her give such amazing parental advise, but none of it effective, because i already know...
haha im the one telling her what i need to do, and how things are/will be.
and she can just see how much of a person i have become....
i feel so alone.
but this be the road i chose.
im living with it.
it isnt okay, but its definitely safe from certain bullshit.

i do have one person.
we've never met, but thats the best part about our friendship.
we've had plenty of chances to meet. we share a crowd of peers.
but thats the beauty of it..
me and her can talk all day about everything. and it doesnt matter.
but what i have with rather have with a 'someone'
and thats where the 'all or nthn' comes into play.
but im through giving up my bestfriendship in an un mutual way.
i told myself id never do it again after morgan. and im doin ok at it.

i do the BEST that i can to prove to people that i am a keeper.
but slowly and for Surely, its being proven to me that i am not.
if i were any weaker minded..then my mentality would be broken and im pretty sure id be a scoundrel that has his way with perfectly normal females.
but thats not me.
im the passive. ill let them realize down the road.
its bloody disgusting but what am i gonna do? i cant control anyone and am never going to try.
i tell ya... 3 times in 6 months i was decided against for someone else.
whats wrong with me?
im not going to go into it though because its quite depressing and so not worth thinking about...

i hate the era that i reside in..
but its whatev...

im better than this.
im a happy person.
and i now have a burden.
and im going to front like i dont have any. for the sake of my sanity?
haha naah not for that.
im completely sane.
i turn down anyone whom calls me crazy because thats the pretty easy out.

a very unexpected text message has been recieved.
its 3:38
love is a helluva quandary

speaking of quandary
i would TOTALLY put tracy morgan on my list of interesting people...haha but outside of 30 rock..hes a pretty funny comedian..but not list worthy..
haha my list now consists of: Andy Warhol, and Marlon brando.
id like for it to grow :) but only time will bring that. haha

hes sucn an asshole there..but fuck. haha why not? it was funny. get over it yanno?
he may not have been such an amazing person, but i like him in a different way that has nthn to do with his art...but his art is pretty cool. originality is everything.

but im over it.
it is now 3:51 and i dont know if ive gotten everything off my mind, but i dont really know if there was really anything on my mind anyways..
so whats the point?

fuck a point. and when if my time ever comes early in this life. then one thing i want the people of my world to know is that Not everything needs a fucking point.
it just doesnt.
just live. yanno? its so hard for people to do JUST that. hell me too but thats because i let my past influence my thoughts.
but for the most part. i just live
quit fckn worrying about everything yanno? everythings going to be ok. aslong as your not in TOO bad of a not ambitious, i just know what i want and all i have is my patience.
and if my patience doesnt bring me what i want then i guess it wasnt meant.
im not a fighter. ive fought for one thing and i lost.
miserably, but i learned from it, and decided that im just not going to do it.
just let what i want come to me.
i want a new camera, but i have one now.
so in time.
it will make its way into my possession. but im not going to fight for it, because im in no position to make such a large purchase at the moment.
im still paying on new york for a few months...

new york...
my mother now knows that i wont be starting the new life that im so ready to start, until my life here has come to an end..and the 2 of them. are my life.
and not in that way. just not in that way.
i just consider them the biggest things in my life and theres no way in hell i could leave them and not be here for them when i can.

bad subject.

i need to go to bed, but i dont want to stop typing in this box..
its so back to reality when that happens.. and my reality after 11pm in this room is quite bad...very bad..
its scary how ones thoughts can haunt ones isnt fair.
but life goes on..

Friday, January 2, 2009

my ny

im basically copying it all from my myspace blog because im not really gona retell the story haha

like a little black dress
you're a faded moon
stuck on a little hot mess (little hot mess)
and oh, baby your a classic
like a little black dress
but you'll be faded soon
stuck on a little hot mess

Folie a Deux

awesome cd there my fellow americans..
theres alot of lines that 'hit' haha yanno?

idk what to say..
haha nor where to start..

i sure have grown up alot in the last year.
and im pretty sure im through growing..
im only 20.
and im pretty sure i live the life of a 30 year old..
but thats fine with me.. but it just isnt working out completely.
but thats okay.

im not depressed anymore america.
i promise. haha im sorry that you all had to see that..
but you must understand that i am human..
haha to an extent..
ill be damned if i ever let someone see that bullshit again.
fuck that with ALL of that bullshit. it just isnt me, and ive spoken about the front that i put up for others to see and do. and its unacceptable for me to show people anything other than happy.

im over it.
haha. and im so over heartbreak.
although it still has its role.
but fuck wont last forever.

so anyways man.
this loneliness thing has become a recurring role in my night life.
its whack and stupid, but whatcha gonna do.
most i can do is be patient and wait for someone to come along that fits to me.

so yeah. its been a while huh?

in my last pretty sure id just gotten my ticket

i went to new fucking york.
thats prettty much where ill end up when my time here is done.
and theres no doubt about that.
its where i belong, and its the life that i prefer.
there are so many 'why's that go unanswered because there are SO damned many reasons..
fuck..why not! haha omg...what id do to go back right now!
im currently $1500 deep because of it, but ill be gdamned if every penny wasnt worth it!
even the Janky ass Room that i stayed in

in the Jankiest hotel

i could think of, on the AWESOMEST looking street
i could have asked to stay on :)

and although this
was all i had to look at whenever i was was still GORGEOUS!

and the fact that it was just me, in the city made it all that much better :)
1 out of the 6 nights i spent there was a lonely one and thats my fault for being weak.

so anyways!
ahhh the city of new york!

GOD! what i would give to go back!
what id give just to go back to the brooklyn bridge!

its SO bloody beautiful!

its perfect! theres such life just on the bridge! i just felt cultured being there..breathing the air!
hell! even standing over the traffic was amazing!

but ill tell ya what the highlight of walking from mthafckn
south manhattan (and seeing the world trade site)

ill tell ya smthn..
that site didnt feel sad or eerie at all..
it felt like
the city center site back at home

its just gonna be Bigger and Better..

those men out there are hard at work and the end product will look nothing shy of bloody amazing..
but jesus..
the big pay off of walking from south manhattan alll the way to brooklyn was something as simple as this sign

the 4 hours i spent walking had been turned into 10 minutes of energy! haha i was SO ready to tackle brooklyn!!!!
and i sure as hell did what i could. haha gah!
the street art there is just priceless!!!

haha now i KNOW youv all heard of the rumor about the alligator in the sewers of new york..haha theres no way it could happen! but sheesh! hahaha this was priceless! haha i seen this shit and i had to lay down for a shot!

haha po.po were all hawkin me n was amazing. haha
and all of that went down right here

GOD! I LOVE GOOGLE MAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that shit got me ALL thru a week of new york..omg. everything from street view to the transit maps and all of that..haha
although you HELLAAA lose service, the second you hit the bottom of those steps! hahahaha man! a day on the subway is a day without a cellphone! hahahaha but ill be damned if i wouldnt spend a week down there! haha god! it smells sooo clammy and rusty and damp...
but ill tell ya.. haha even when theres nthn to do but wait for the next train at 1am..
theres ALWAYS someone else waiting too :)
but really hits my heart in a good way to think back to how diverse those trains were, EVERY trip i took!!!

the one i tell everyone is how i would often see a Wall street fella

sitting right next to a thug type of kid.

WTF! ive never seen that out here and prolly Neever will!
man..its craziness and i would give anything to go back..
i can honestly be me with out any question or concerned gimmick.
i do it out here. its not an issue..its just i see things that are obvious that it Isnt ok to just be myself. and it doesnt bother me, id just rather be somewhere else where diversity is life..
but i digress.

heres a little bit of photojournalism for that ass..haha

haha NEITHER one of these 2 men knew i existed..
the first guy was soo into organizing his chair...after the 10 minute looked just as it did when i walked in..but ill be damned if it wasnt the way HE wanted it..and just like it shows..
nothing else mattered! haha
which brings me to my next guy...
he was SO DEEP INTO HIS nasty ass smelling food that i was like wow....
whatever it was..he made it look so a last meal status bite. and his grape welchs pop on the floor...
he was munching so hard that i figured 'damn..he wouldnt Eevin notice if i busted out my cam right now' so i did! haha and i liked the end result..
haha and its Awesome to me, to see someone using their talent to make some side money on the weekends..
i do admire those that do it as a hobby and not a lifestyle..

this lady was the closest thing ive been to hendrix :)

i spent 10 minutes snapping her, and then after she thanked me. and i thanked her. and tossed a buck or 2 into her box. haha
there were soo many acts!

these folks werent all that good..

but they were having a DAMNED good time ill tell ya that, and i admired it the most! haha

but there iss one honorable mention that i must show! haha

mini michael! haha


haha the crowd was so damned big though, that i had to laydown for another shot!!!

haha YESS!!!

thats my most prized picture of the ny subway..
next to that entrance with the australia poster over it..
the subway could be one of those 'favorite aspect of life' type of ordeals..
man oh man..
i had so many opportunities to just catch a cab...
but to hell with that...
i always just hit the nearest subway til my transfer came to hop onto the right one!

so i spent a LITTLE bit of time in the Bronx.
and there i seen
the NEW yankees stadium being built, and the closed down old one.
and then the funniest part of the BX
and that was the walk-thru mc donalds :)

hahahaah faack!
and another thing i seen at a mc donalds was a 'no loitering' sign and then a little add on that stated the '30 minute time limit' to eat and be out! hahahaha amazing!!!!
and i still cant find one here! i SHOULDA got a pic of iit. haha
but sheesh..that wasnt the only thing different
(i know i know, nyc) its SUCH a whole new world out there. haha
its the little things though!
like a bus stop sign that says no standing! haha

hahaha sooo awesome! i seen a sign down the street from my room that said 'no honking, unless its an emergency. $300 fine'
hahaha awesome!!! keep em quiet! haha
altho they honk anyways...
they REALLY dont give a fuuuck out there!!! hahaa
they just dont give a fuuck out there!!!

i almost got ranover Daily out there! hahhaa
cross walks dont mean shit!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha and i love it!! its a fast paced world son.

but even the civvies dont even give a good fck..
like this lady

do you know wtf she was doing?

yeah! she was watching these folks eat..!
wtff! hahaha
so i got journalistic on her ass

damn dude...the people that were eating just didnt give a damn....they paid her no mind..
haha idk man...i seeriously would have moved..cuz that sht was kinda scary..haha
owell tho..everybodies diff man

ooomg! haha leme show you this sign though!

haha we dont have those here in vegas...
but take a closer look!

hahahaha WE NEED THOSE! in vegas..
even IF they take all the shitty paying jobs...idgaf.
but im not gonna get political and i wouldnt suggest a concerned comment.
thats just how i feel. haha

moving on!!!
the street art was fierce out there!!

haha that picture was so awesome...i tried to jack that shit but it was like....PART OF THE WINDOW!!! hahaah plastered n sht.
so yeah..
this is the closest shot i have of gloria
shes awesome and i million % wouldnt have had the experience that i did out there without her.
she was waay awesome! thanks mz gloria! i appreciate you and the awesome mz kaya!

soo im pretty sure your all wondering about the fooood from ny! hahaha
ill be honest though..
i def didnt have that big of an appetite while i was out there...i just had an appetite to live and soak it ALLLLLL up
but when i diiid eat! haha your daamned right i got pics..

that was the night the trains stopped running at like 2! haha so i decided that i was gonna talk uptown and that is what i started to did! hahahaha man oh man..
i got to that dunken doughnuts and realized that its the SAAME exact one that i stopped at 2 days ago when it was raining fckn cats n dogs out there. haha
and i get in and alllls i wanted was 5 or 7 doughnuts holes but they only came in fckn 25! hahaha so i was like 'dude..can i just get 7 or 10 of the munchikins? ill pay full price man i just aint gonna eat all of those and they'll go to waste' and he was like 'no. i have to give you 25' so i said fck iit! and then the punkasshole gave me like 31!!!!!! hahahahaa i was like oh fck you dude!!!
so i was sittin down and watching the dead streets of ny at 2am at this dunken doughnuts and in comes like 5 nypd officers and theyre in mid conversation.
the convo was about the female cop that was with em, and how her ex had cheated on her! haha wooow! i was like woow..who the hell would be ignorant enough to cheat on a cop? and this one officer was like 'seriously man..fuck!' hahahah and then he was like ' gonna eat all of those?' and i was like HELLL no!!! shit man! please take some! i asked for 10 and the asshole gave me 30!' hahaha and all he could say was 'no thanks brotha' hahahahhha
and then convo went on for another 10 min before we parted ways..haha amazing!

next was Rays muthafuckin pizza!

hahaha YESS! looked SOOOO good didnt it! hahaha mmm it was amazing..
but ill tell took 20 minutes to order my shit because the guy wouldnt fucking listen!!!! hahahaa and then after all of the confusion and aggravation.. i realized that id ordered chicken fingers and fries and he never asked if i wanted ketchup! haha
so i was like fck!!! and i called back (i SWEAR to you it wasnt anymore than 5 min max) and i was like dude i just placed an order and i just wanted to ask you to bring some ketchup please. and the dude was like 'no! man your order has already left! click!' hahahaha i was like damn...well Fuck! he took that hard.. haahahaa
and then the schmuck gets to my door and guess what america.
the dickhead didnt speak any english!
so my fucking order was 12 and some change and i hand the guy a 20 and hes like ...??uhh?
and i was like word? do i have to tell you the change? and he nodded..
so i said wow...ill be honest, just give me 6 bucks.
and he did and i said 'worrd' and sent em on his whay! hahahaa
and that was my 1st experience with Rays original pizza
the next night i decide to hit time square
once again for no reason
after my time there, i decide to head to 7th ave to find this comic shop i hit a few nights ago because they had an aMAZING marvel universe poster.
well im headed that whay and i pass by a starbucks and remember that ive still yet to try one of those BIGASS cookies that they have, that ive yet to see at a few starbucks out here. haha so i mosey right on into that bitch
and first thing first the chic was like 'welcome to starbucks! whatchu havin?" hahaha i was like WHUUUT! hahhaa it was fly.
and i was like 'yeah leme get a uhm..
yeah leme get one of them bigass cookies!
and she was like 'wow really?' and i said 'look at that thing, and tell me that im exaggerating!' haha and she just laughed and joked with me.

so i did work on that piece and continued my trek to midtown comics.
and a couple blocks up, i see a yellow sign paid NO mind to the bitch.
and as i draw closer i never really paid more attn to the sign because i was all into my google maps and then i look up to see what the place was and then BLAM!
the WHOOLE movie played thru my head. hahahahahha
well shit...i get in and im checking the menu and !!!!!
check out the MTHAFCKN 1!!
I ALMOST SHAT! hahahhaha and then realized that i was in ny! hahaha so i ordered one.
the place was so..casual...dinerish too!

so i took a diner shot. hahaha :)

so i get my food....
and wow..
all i could do was snap shots!!!! hahaha it looked SOOOO good!!!!!!!

but a Bit undercooked...
BUT thats where the fries came into play..

WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BEST EVAAH!
and now on to my last story...

theres no real positive point of it..haha it was just a harsh reality..

my last chance to soak up rays original pizza... was pretty fckn good..
but ill tell ya..
there was Fucking pepsi in that cup..
and i asked for root beer...
and when he asked me what i wanted to drink at the register when i was placing my order, i told him root beer.
and i watched him put pepsi in the cup.
so i said 'no er..yeah..i asked for root beer, sorry'
and he was like 'nah its cool'
and i was like 'er..okay'
so then the cup fills up and he throws the cap on it and goes to hand it to me, and im like er.nah man i asked for a root beer. and he was like 'it is!' and he looked pisssed. haaha i was like wow..i doubt it!
and he said 'whatever' hahahhah that shit was SO just...blunt in my face what the fuck ever................................................................................................
so i took my pepsi and sat down. hahahha what else could i do? stand there and demand a root beer? i could care less. haha
it was just amazing how much a shit he didnt give :)
sooo after thaat
i decided to visit

:) 30 rock!!!!!!!!!!
i straight up applied to the at&t there and spoke to employees and gave my resume. hahaha i hustled for it....didnt get it though! but owell! haha
anyways....tell me the groove of this picture here

tell me why it would have been Wrong for me to go ice skating.........................................................................................................................................................................................
didnt notice a pattern? haha yeah.
it was TOTALLY a couples thing..there was nooo way i was gonna hop in there with just me, and a nikon camera. hahahaha sorry toots. hahaah pfsh! haha so i snapped from the sidelines and made up my alibi for not going ice skating at rockefeller center.

so yeah.....
the area i chose to reside in for the week that i was there was so bloody amazing...
ill never ever forget my homebase substation

the 72nd street station... :( haha i swear man..every train lead to that one...
and then the street it was on was in the middle of EVERYTHING
YESS hahahaah fckn amazing..i loved that spot..there was a damned news stand (thats not the one, but its still a pic of the coolest feature of ny and that is the news stands)
right on the outside that id get gummy bears from every day. OMFG! those gummy bears were sooo damned good.
but sick of typing shit to this effin blog..i havent really gotten anything accomplished as far as talking about im gona post the tail end of my trip
and that was where it all came down to grand central

life goes on there 25-8
there is forever life going on.
hell i even sat down for an hr and people watched!

haha check out this fckn guy...

HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHA BUT DAAAMN i had nooo idea until i got home and seen this pic! hahaha
mama cheryl asked me often 'so have you seen any shoe shiners yet!' and i was always like 'i Really dont think they exist anymore...i just havent seen any! haha
and BAM! there it was going on. haha amazing :)
sooo yeah...annnywaysss!! thats MOST OF MY TRIP!! BUT NOT ALL!!!!!
theres a few more pics i left out because i just couldnt cleverly lean into them but here they are for you all to see..

i thank you all for reading..and i do apologize for taking forever and a life to finally tell of my trip to new york..theres always sooo much more! ive barely touched on how serious i feel about starting a life out there..but maybe next time. because i also havent even spoken on the SHIT thats been going on in my life in the prior months....
but i just dont really want to talk about it..
i got my heartbroken and i dont feel the reasons were fully legit. but not gonna speak on it..i still love her with all of my heart and maybe we'll find our way back together in the future...but until then..i cant do it.
so im on the wait for a new someone...
its so hard to be patient when i really know what i want now that ive had a taste. haha
ill save it for next rant..

iloveyouAll and i appreciate you for your time and effort on getting thru this book. hahahha
goodnight everyone.
it is now 4:40a and ive had a night of drama and closure and then this blog...
comment me uuup! and ask anything you want and what not (excluding anything concerning me and other folks)