you're a faded moon
stuck on a little hot mess (little hot mess)
and oh, baby your a classic
like a little black dress
but you'll be faded soon
stuck on a little hot mess
Folie a Deux
awesome cd there my fellow americans..
theres alot of lines that 'hit' haha yanno?
idk what to say..
haha nor where to start..
i sure have grown up alot in the last year.
and im pretty sure im through growing..
im only 20.
and im pretty sure i live the life of a 30 year old..
but thats fine with me.. but it just isnt working out completely.
but thats okay.
im not depressed anymore america.
i promise. haha im sorry that you all had to see that..
but you must understand that i am human..
haha to an extent..
ill be damned if i ever let someone see that bullshit again.
fuck that with ALL of that bullshit. it just isnt me, and ive spoken about the front that i put up for others to see and do. and its unacceptable for me to show people anything other than happy.
im over it.
haha. and im so over heartbreak.
although it still has its role.
but fuck it..it wont last forever.
so anyways man.
this loneliness thing has become a recurring role in my night life.
its whack and stupid, but whatcha gonna do.
most i can do is be patient and wait for someone to come along that fits to me.
so yeah. its been a while huh?
in my last blog..im pretty sure id just gotten my ticket
i went to new fucking york.
thats prettty much where ill end up when my time here is done.
and theres no doubt about that.
its where i belong, and its the life that i prefer.
there are so many 'why's that go unanswered because there are SO damned many reasons..
fuck..why not! haha omg...what id do to go back right now!
im currently $1500 deep because of it, but ill be gdamned if every penny wasnt worth it!
even the Janky ass Room that i stayed in
in the Jankiest hotel
i could think of, on the AWESOMEST looking street
i could have asked to stay on :)
and although this
was all i had to look at whenever i was there..it was still GORGEOUS!
and the fact that it was just me, in the city made it all that much better :)
1 out of the 6 nights i spent there was a lonely one and thats my fault for being weak.
ahhh the city of new york!
GOD! what i would give to go back!
what id give just to go back to the brooklyn bridge!
its SO bloody beautiful!
its perfect! theres such life just on the bridge! i just felt cultured being there..breathing the air!
hell! even standing over the traffic was amazing!
but ill tell ya what the highlight of walking from mthafckn
south manhattan (and seeing the world trade site)
ill tell ya smthn..
that site didnt feel sad or eerie at all..
it felt like
the city center site back at home
its just gonna be Bigger and Better..
those men out there are hard at work and the end product will look nothing shy of bloody amazing..
the big pay off of walking from south manhattan alll the way to brooklyn was something as simple as this sign
the 4 hours i spent walking had been turned into 10 minutes of energy! haha i was SO ready to tackle brooklyn!!!!
and i sure as hell did what i could. haha gah!
the street art there is just priceless!!!
haha now i KNOW youv all heard of the rumor about the alligator in the sewers of new york..haha theres no way it could happen! but sheesh! hahaha this was priceless! haha i seen this shit and i had to lay down for a shot!
haha po.po were all hawkin me n stuff..it was amazing. haha
and all of that went down right here
GOD! I LOVE GOOGLE MAPS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! that shit got me ALL thru a week of new york..omg. everything from street view to the transit maps and all of that..haha
although you HELLAAA lose service, the second you hit the bottom of those steps! hahahaha man! a day on the subway is a day without a cellphone! hahahaha but ill be damned if i wouldnt spend a week down there! haha god! it smells sooo clammy and rusty and damp...
but ill tell ya.. haha even when theres nthn to do but wait for the next train at 1am..
theres ALWAYS someone else waiting too :)
but gah..it really hits my heart in a good way to think back to how diverse those trains were, EVERY trip i took!!!
the one i tell everyone is how i would often see a Wall street fella
sitting right next to a thug type of kid.
WTF! ive never seen that out here and prolly Neever will!
man..its craziness and i would give anything to go back..
i can honestly be me with out any question or concerned gimmick.
i do it out here. its not an issue..its just i see things that are obvious that it Isnt ok to just be myself. and it doesnt bother me, id just rather be somewhere else where diversity is life..
but i digress.
heres a little bit of photojournalism for that ass..haha
haha NEITHER one of these 2 men knew i existed..
the first guy was soo into organizing his chair...after the 10 minute ride..it looked just as it did when i walked in..but ill be damned if it wasnt the way HE wanted it..and just like it shows..
nothing else mattered! haha
which brings me to my next guy...
he was SO DEEP INTO HIS nasty ass smelling food that i was like wow....
whatever it was..he made it look so good....like a last meal status bite. and his grape welchs pop on the floor...
he was munching so hard that i figured 'damn..he wouldnt Eevin notice if i busted out my cam right now' so i did! haha and i liked the end result..
haha and its Awesome to me, to see someone using their talent to make some side money on the weekends..
i do admire those that do it as a hobby and not a lifestyle..
this lady was the closest thing ive been to hendrix :)
i spent 10 minutes snapping her, and then after she thanked me. and i thanked her. and tossed a buck or 2 into her box. haha
there were soo many acts!
these folks werent all that good..
but they were having a DAMNED good time ill tell ya that, and i admired it the most! haha
but there iss one honorable mention that i must show! haha
mini michael! haha
DUDE WAS KILLIN IT!!!!
haha the crowd was so damned big though, that i had to laydown for another shot!!!
thats my most prized picture of the ny subway..
next to that entrance with the australia poster over it..
the subway could be one of those 'favorite aspect of life' type of ordeals..
man oh man..
i had so many opportunities to just catch a cab...
but to hell with that...
i always just hit the nearest subway til my transfer came to hop onto the right one!
so i spent a LITTLE bit of time in the Bronx.
and there i seen
the NEW yankees stadium being built, and the closed down old one.
and then the funniest part of the BX
and that was the walk-thru mc donalds :)
and another thing i seen at a mc donalds was a 'no loitering' sign and then a little add on that stated the '30 minute time limit' to eat and be out! hahahaha amazing!!!!
and i still cant find one here! i SHOULDA got a pic of iit. haha
but sheesh..that wasnt the only thing different
(i know i know, nyc) its SUCH a whole new world out there. haha
its the little things though!
like a bus stop sign that says no standing! haha
hahaha sooo awesome! i seen a sign down the street from my room that said 'no honking, unless its an emergency. $300 fine'
hahaha awesome!!! keep em quiet! haha
altho they honk anyways...
they REALLY dont give a fuuuck out there!!! hahaa
they just dont give a fuuck out there!!!
i almost got ranover Daily out there! hahhaa
cross walks dont mean shit!!!!!!!!!! hahahaha and i love it!! its a fast paced world son.
but even the civvies dont even give a good fck..
like this lady
do you know wtf she was doing?
yeah! she was watching these folks eat..!
so i got journalistic on her ass
AND WENT SEPIA! HAHAAHHAAH
damn dude...the people that were eating just didnt give a damn....they paid her no mind..
haha idk man...i seeriously would have moved..cuz that sht was kinda scary..haha
owell tho..everybodies diff man
ooomg! haha leme show you this sign though!
haha we dont have those here in vegas...
but take a closer look!
hahahaha WE NEED THOSE! in vegas..
even IF they take all the shitty paying jobs...idgaf.
but im not gonna get political and i wouldnt suggest a concerned comment.
thats just how i feel. haha
the street art was fierce out there!!
haha that picture was so awesome...i tried to jack that shit but it was like....PART OF THE WINDOW!!! hahaah plastered n sht.
this is the closest shot i have of gloria
shes awesome and i million % wouldnt have had the experience that i did out there without her.
she was waay awesome! thanks mz gloria! i appreciate you and the awesome mz kaya!
soo im pretty sure your all wondering about the fooood from ny! hahaha
ill be honest though..
i def didnt have that big of an appetite while i was out there...i just had an appetite to live and soak it ALLLLLL up
but when i diiid eat! haha your daamned right i got pics..
that was the night the trains stopped running at like 2! haha so i decided that i was gonna talk uptown and that is what i started to did! hahahaha man oh man..
i got to that dunken doughnuts and realized that its the SAAME exact one that i stopped at 2 days ago when it was raining fckn cats n dogs out there. haha
and i get in and alllls i wanted was 5 or 7 doughnuts holes but they only came in fckn 25! hahaha so i was like 'dude..can i just get 7 or 10 of the munchikins? ill pay full price man i just aint gonna eat all of those and they'll go to waste' and he was like 'no. i have to give you 25' so i said fck iit! and then the punkasshole gave me like 31!!!!!! hahahahaa i was like oh fck you dude!!!
so i was sittin down and watching the dead streets of ny at 2am at this dunken doughnuts and in comes like 5 nypd officers and theyre in mid conversation.
the convo was about the female cop that was with em, and how her ex had cheated on her! haha wooow! i was like woow..who the hell would be ignorant enough to cheat on a cop? and this one officer was like 'seriously man..fuck!' hahahah and then he was like 'wow..you gonna eat all of those?' and i was like HELLL no!!! shit man! please take some! i asked for 10 and the asshole gave me 30!' hahaha and all he could say was 'no thanks brotha' hahahahhha
and then convo went on for another 10 min before we parted ways..haha amazing!
next was Rays muthafuckin pizza!
hahaha YESS! looked SOOOO good didnt it! hahaha mmm it was amazing..
but ill tell ya..it took 20 minutes to order my shit because the guy wouldnt fucking listen!!!! hahahaa and then after all of the confusion and aggravation.. i realized that id ordered chicken fingers and fries and he never asked if i wanted ketchup! haha
so i was like fck!!! and i called back (i SWEAR to you it wasnt anymore than 5 min max) and i was like dude i just placed an order and i just wanted to ask you to bring some ketchup please. and the dude was like 'no! man your order has already left! click!' hahahaha i was like damn...well Fuck! he took that hard.. haahahaa
and then the schmuck gets to my door and guess what america.
the dickhead didnt speak any english!
so my fucking order was 12 and some change and i hand the guy a 20 and hes like ...??uhh?...mm.....
and i was like word? do i have to tell you the change? and he nodded..
so i said wow...ill be honest, just give me 6 bucks.
and he did and i said 'worrd' and sent em on his whay! hahahaa
and that was my 1st experience with Rays original pizza
the next night i decide to hit time square
once again for no reason
after my time there, i decide to head to 7th ave to find this comic shop i hit a few nights ago because they had an aMAZING marvel universe poster.
well im headed that whay and i pass by a starbucks and remember that ive still yet to try one of those BIGASS cookies that they have, that ive yet to see at a few starbucks out here. haha so i mosey right on into that bitch
and first thing first the chic was like 'welcome to starbucks! whatchu havin?" hahaha i was like WHUUUT! hahhaa it was fly.
and i was like 'yeah leme get a uhm..
yeah leme get one of them bigass cookies!
and she was like 'wow really?' and i said 'look at that thing, and tell me that im exaggerating!' haha and she just laughed and joked with me.
so i did work on that piece and continued my trek to midtown comics.
and a couple blocks up, i see a yellow sign paid NO mind to the bitch.
and as i draw closer i never really paid more attn to the sign because i was all into my google maps and then i look up to see what the place was and then BLAM!
AHHHHHHH!!!!!!!!!!!!! MY JAW DROPPED!! :O I WAS LIKE DAAAMN!! IVE GOTTA GET ONE!!!!!!!!!!
the WHOOLE movie played thru my head. hahahahahha
well shit...i get in and im checking the menu and !!!!!
check out the MTHAFCKN 1!!
I ALMOST SHAT! hahahhaha and then realized that i was in ny! hahaha so i ordered one.
the place was so..casual...dinerish too!
so i took a diner shot. hahaha :)
so i get my food....
all i could do was snap shots!!!! hahaha it looked SOOOO good!!!!!!!
but a Bit undercooked...
BUT thats where the fries came into play..
WHEW!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! THE BEST EVAAH!
and now on to my last story...
theres no real positive point of it..haha it was just a harsh reality..
my last chance to soak up rays original pizza...
gah...it was pretty fckn good..
but ill tell ya..
there was Fucking pepsi in that cup..
and i asked for root beer...
and when he asked me what i wanted to drink at the register when i was placing my order, i told him root beer.
and i watched him put pepsi in the cup.
so i said 'no er..yeah..i asked for root beer, sorry'
and he was like 'nah its cool'
and i was like 'er..okay'
so then the cup fills up and he throws the cap on it and goes to hand it to me, and im like er.nah man i asked for a root beer. and he was like 'it is!' and he looked pisssed. haaha i was like wow..i doubt it!
and he said 'whatever' hahahhah that shit was SO just...blunt in my face what the fuck ever................................................................................................
so i took my pepsi and sat down. hahahha what else could i do? stand there and demand a root beer? i could care less. haha
it was just amazing how much a shit he didnt give :)
sooo after thaat
i decided to visit
:) 30 rock!!!!!!!!!!
i straight up applied to the at&t there and spoke to employees and gave my resume. hahaha i hustled for it....didnt get it though! but owell! haha
anyways....tell me the groove of this picture here
tell me why it would have been Wrong for me to go ice skating.........................................................................................................................................................................................
didnt notice a pattern? haha yeah.
it was TOTALLY a couples thing..there was nooo way i was gonna hop in there with just me, and a nikon camera. hahahaha sorry toots. hahaah pfsh! haha so i snapped from the sidelines and made up my alibi for not going ice skating at rockefeller center.
the area i chose to reside in for the week that i was there was so bloody amazing...
ill never ever forget my homebase substation
the 72nd street station... :( haha i swear man..every train lead to that one...
and then the street it was on was in the middle of EVERYTHING
YESS hahahaah fckn amazing..i loved that spot..there was a damned news stand (thats not the one, but its still a pic of the coolest feature of ny and that is the news stands)
right on the outside that id get gummy bears from every day. OMFG! those gummy bears were sooo damned good.
but anyways.....im sick of typing shit to this effin blog..i havent really gotten anything accomplished as far as talking about feelings...so im gona post the tail end of my trip
and that was where it all came down to grand central
life goes on there 25-8
there is forever life going on.
hell i even sat down for an hr and people watched!
haha check out this fckn guy...
HE SOO FCKN COUGHT ME!!!!!!!!
HAHAHHAHAAHAHAHHA BUT DAAAMN i had nooo idea until i got home and seen this pic! hahaha
mama cheryl asked me often 'so have you seen any shoe shiners yet!' and i was always like 'i Really dont think they exist anymore...i just havent seen any! haha
and BAM! there it was going on. haha amazing :)
sooo yeah...annnywaysss!! thats MOST OF MY TRIP!! BUT NOT ALL!!!!!
theres a few more pics i left out because i just couldnt cleverly lean into them but here they are for you all to see..
i thank you all for reading..and i do apologize for taking forever and a life to finally tell of my trip to new york..theres always sooo much more! ive barely touched on how serious i feel about starting a life out there..but maybe next time. because i also havent even spoken on the SHIT thats been going on in my life in the prior months....
but i just dont really want to talk about it..
i got my heartbroken and i dont feel the reasons were fully legit. but idk..im not gonna speak on it..i still love her with all of my heart and maybe we'll find our way back together in the future...but until then..i cant do it.
so im on the wait for a new someone...
its so hard to be patient when i really know what i want now that ive had a taste. haha
ill save it for next rant..
iloveyouAll and i appreciate you for your time and effort on getting thru this book. hahahha
it is now 4:40a and ive had a night of drama and closure and then this blog...
comment me uuup! and ask anything you want and what not (excluding anything concerning me and other folks)