2006..

by far the best year of my life..
damn near perfect i'd say. i gained and lost alot.
its life. but this year..so much life has happened..i kinda dont wana move on. if i could i'd SO repeat o6..if i had a 2nd go at it. everything would be perfect, as against it as i am. theres a few things i wouldnt mind changing relationship/friendship/life choice wise..but its ok! 'everything happens for a reason' i guess..haha ppl use that to get thru drama. haha ill call it a pacifier..
anyways . to everybody that is in my life at this point or has been or evin aquaintances. thank you.
i appreciate everyone in my life.
this blog has turned into one of those sappy thank you speeches.
but fuck it. haha what i have socially is something most ppl wish for or evin dream about.
anyways. yeah..next year..07..school for no reason..and hopefully a job that i wouldnt mind working at..hell a callback would be nice also. haha thats a diff note..
yuah. this year ive been closer to my parentals more then ever and im glad cuz you never know what you have til its gone. well i know what i have and im enjoying every moment i have with em.

ive also learned..im pretty much in this 'life' thing alone. which ive known that yi know..you cant really rely on anyone or anything but yourself when it comes to satisfaction in life. im very accepting i learned early in life from the bio father that its not the best to build your hopes up. its garbage if theres letdown and if not then its 10 minutes of bliss and life goes on. no depression or nothin im just stating how i see the situation of 'building your hopes up'

my fucking space bar isnt fucking working! its killing me!!!!!!

anyways. haha yeah ive learned SO much this year its hella crazy..i feel like im set for life but i know im not theres always so much more out there but right now...ppl have no idea..haha for the last few months..ive been playing ppl mentally..its out of control..sounds bad but wow..im not saying im superior or nothing..but i ts wild..everybody around me is so predictable..its become.....i dont know..a challange? to see if they prove me wrong. i dont get proven wrong often. but im gona explain what im saying here..90% of conversations i have with ppl now..nothing is new. only words are different..barely reactions and meanings and sarcasm and simplicity and emotions..i see it all b4 it happens..which is why i most of the time say the right things. im gona admit it. i tell ppl what they want to hear. mostly females. but its because i'd rather avoid the guilt trip or the arguement or the question 'why' because i dont feel i should have to go thru that over and over again when a little white lie or evin a rightly worded no will work.
i dont know how ppl will take that but thats, hate it or love it either way its real. if it made any sense

also another thing ive learned about myself..
i know how to lie. now its not something i do. but if its serious and benefits whatever im doing it for..then ill commit to it. now when i say commit..that means i really have to consider doing it before i do it. cuz when i lie. im consistant with it.
________
if i lie to you. you wouldnt know.
i tested it. i told one of my darkest secrets to a friend. and she was soo suprised. i then told her i was kidding.... my secret has become a secret again
and it'll be that way forever.
the end.



i feel asif i'll be seen as psychotic for stating the past few things that i have above...haha fuck it! haha

randomness.....ive become prolly one of the most random(est) person you know as of now..i noticed myself..shits crazy i do what comes to 1st sometimes w.o consideration..i do it because well...it spices thigns up. ya know? as i stated above..things have become pretty predictable so if i see an oppertunity to change it up a little. im gona take it. the end


i feel i have leaked enough for the -not dan-(the public) to know..

but im gona go into one more thing..
relating to the 'im in this alone'
another thing ive tested on my friends..everyone minus me.needs someone to talk to. me being that person that understands everything basically because i put myself in your position and understand where your coming from whats happening and how your feeling..i can understand. shits awesome. i feel useful..
but for the life of me til recently and back to now. i dont talk about what goes on with me..
this person asked me today (via txt message) why im not a close person..
i told her its a waste of time to get close to others..i feel that way because well..i dont see a point in talking about past present or future events in my life because its boring..i dont remember my past ON POINT, my present life is always boring and my future well...i dont talk about that anymore because shit changes minutely and unless you have an rss feed on me..you may not find out until a month after its happened (hense the abercrombie hollister affair)
anyways.. i Dont tell my feelings..because well..i already know what your going to say. and when you say it (not speaking towards anyone in general) you sugarcoat or tell me what i want to hear. and i myself..*im my own worst enemy* i like that quote because well im more real with myself before anyone else. therefore i dont need to hear your little pep-talk that'll lead me on..no offense or anything

as a matter of fact
i hope none of this blog period is taken offensive. im just getting stuff out to the public..i guess..my mind. haha
anyways

yeah. i love my cat.

friends do come and go..

sometimes you just cant help it..you can do what you can..but if the others just too busy..or has other priorities that are bigger then you..you've no choice but to let em go eah? no theres no 'just try harder' for me. i did what i could and if its meant..they'll come around and if not..it was fun. haha ya know? i mean yeah you go thru alot and sometimes cant imagine things w.o that person..but damn haha if theres nothin much you can do other then force there attn..then you just gotta let em go.

currently pursuing happy(i)ness

pursuing happiness..the movie pursuit of happyness..SO good..i really cant explain..but one thing i will tell..it pointed out that in the dec. of independance
you have the Right to Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
now i underline the word right and pursuit because well..you have the right to life and liberty..those 2 things are entitled to you..you don

Is it time america?

is it time to go?

should i cut it or keep it?
	cut it!
	keep it!
	omg get rid of it!!
	keep it! keep it!!

Fcuk Censory

but yi know.. i do it.
humans..america..people
im discluding myself when i say 'we' here..
we as humans cannot handle the full on truth. and i think its rediculas but its a way of life.
i keep it real but to an extent. and that extent is my conscience knowing how they'll take what i have to say. and so i alter my words.
its a shitty reality but what can i say..as for public censory..i hate it but it sux because we Have to do it.. without the blurring of some words or actions or there would be a lawsuit.. lawsuits are fucking garbage. shits not evin serious anymore. i wont go into that. i dont evin know where i was at..
all in all though..im not complaining. just expressing

censoring your words for a persons feelings is garbage.
the end

its hard to keep my head up

i have that unwanted feeling..
i cant get a job that i want. they dont want me
i cant get a girl i want. they dont want me
and whoever hears about my rejection or denial..
they make me seem like im the superior..
well..shit man
somethins gotta givee. before i do..
i love my friends.
all of them..but damn..shits hard. i just want a job man. something that i feel i'll enjoy working at..
apple..sony.bestbuy.radioshack.sharper image..brookstone.
hell i'd Settle for kinkos/fedex or abercrombie..
but fuck.
what am i doing wrong man?
same with females..
what the fuck is wrong with them..it isnt me according to every damnd one. all of em. 'your a great guy, you'll find the one' do you not realize that you and the next person tell me the same thing.
effin think about it. if all girls are saying it. then who the fucks going to take the damn risk?

melody did. i fucked up i wish i could go back, we'd have something damn near perfect..but i learn from my fuck ups Mistakes..just dont do it.

but unlike some ppl out there that dont deserve em i dont get 2nd chances..
in some cases A chance. (in general)
because they dont wana lose what we have..why not take the risk man. ok im too important to risk..but man come on man. i dont fight i aint jealous. im random. im fun. parents like me.
you can only have so many best friendships..

but never worry..something america wont see is me with my head down..down on luck.. im like a role model to people. 'your always on top' 'never down' 'you always see the brightside' ppl see that and they go off that 'if he can, i can'
i must stay posi..

ya know..

when you have that relationship where you just go to there house at any time
say hey to the parents and they love you. and then go lay in the bed with her and just chill for no reason..
both of the families get along well..
where everything is good. you know eachother inside out and know that you'll prolly be together forever..and your ok with it.
when you can just do what you want and know theyre not gona overreact because they know you well enough to know that you wouldnt do anything to hurt them..
almost like a cory&topanga but not so hollywood..

if i had that..
ill keep my head up..i always do..sometimes it feels like i just shouldnt anymore? but thats not me.