In the events of great catastrophe, we rely on what is real as oppose to fantasy. Marvel superheroes play an important role in our everyday life but when real tragedy strikes, the fact remains that they are still only comic book. I am writing about a picture that was published on page 6 of the marvel "Heroes" book that is a 65 page book filled with illustrations from all of the artists of several marvel comics, dedicating art in homage to the events of September 11, 2001. By the end of this essay I hope that the reader will be able to glance at this illustration and hopefully feel the same way that I did when I paid attention to the details of the picture that gives it the feel and emotion that it gave me.
In the scene, there is a boy and a girl centered in a small room with yellowish walls staring through their window at the catastrophic events of 9/11 and a spotlight that shines light on most of the room. The left side of the room consists of marvel comic books, posters, and action figures all thrown together in an unimportant order that still gets the message across. There is a poster of spider-man in his most famous pose of him swinging from his web, under that is the classic poster of Captain America in his fighting stance, while the hulk and wolverine lay upside down against the pillow. On the edge of the bed is a Black Panther comic book that is half open and laying half way off of the bed. There are two more action figures and both of them are practically under the bed, the two action figures are the daredevil and Mr. Fantastic from the fantastic 4. As you pan to the right a little bit there are 3 toy vehicles on the floor, those of which our modern day heroes use to save lives, these vehicles are a police car, ambulance, and a fire truck. The boy and the girl are dressed up in their best efforts to represent our modern day, real life heroes. The boy is wearing a red shirt with the word "fire" scrawled on the top of it, a fire hat and rubber boots, while the girl has a blue jacket with the word "police" is taped to the upper shoulder blade and a police hat. Through the window, the children gape at the dastard events and commotion of September 11. As they gaze you cannot help but notice the way that they are clutching multiple dolls of a variety of ethnicities.
When I look at the picture I feel the desire to play along with the children so that they know that they are not alone. The way the two children are positioned show a visual feeling of despair and helplessness that the kids are feeling. It is obvious that they are doing everything that they can in their power to help, but at that age all they can do is watch. The two of them have the best intentions and obviously understand the meaning of unity and courage by the way that they are clutching the many dolls of several different race and ethnicities, along with the American flag. The children are obviously bright enough to know the difference between fantasies and real world by the way they choose to be a police woman and fireman over the likes of a super hero like super-man or wonder-woman, while also understanding how important it is to keep everyone together from every ethnicity
The way that the fantasy heroes are obviously, carelessly placed as oppose to the main focus of the picture which is of the two children dressed up as the "real" heroes of today. It illustrates that as much as we look up to those "fantasy" heroes saving people's lives every day, is still just a fantasy and all takes place in a fictional world. But when it comes to real life tragedy taking place such as the events of 9/11, we must rely on our actual heroes to help and do what they can as regular average humans, and let the comic book heroes sit aside.With a picture like this it somewhat takes value from our comic book heroes that we ever so look up to and makes them seem much smaller than they already are. It is both positive and negative because it is always good for a child to look up to a superhero as a role model to do the right thing or be a little bit heroic, but at the same time elaborates to children in general that those fantasy heroes can't really do anything but inspire those that have a good imagination.
Personally I think that this picture relays one of the strongest messages out of the rest of the 52 illustrations in the book. Although every one of the pictures give great meaning, and show strength, unity, love, great tragedy. I feel that this picture speaks for itself to any and every type of person, and to me, for a picture with such a message to be able to be understood by anyone from the simple age of 5 to 95, African American to Russian just makes the picture all that much more to write about.
prolly my worst one yet..ha but damn..i just dont care..
its been a month++ since my last blog..haha but SO FUCKIN MUCH has gone on since..i just havent had the time to sit down and tell all...well. im not even gona tell all. but. alot went down man. ive changed a bit sinec the beginning of nov.. and also..haha the end of this year is going by SO FUCKIN fast!!!!! im not down....
ill post for the people soon. thanks for tuning in america.. feel free to comment i guess
and im wondering whom my unknown readers are..i post a new blog and gain like 20 views in the 1st like..20 min..i know its none of my -friends- haha cuz theyre sleep...i appreciate it. haha
anyways.... i crawled back outa bed because i know that you folks really need an update.. and i have aLOT on my mind.. i just dont know what or how to get it out..fck its 4:19 am and i have an essay due in less than 5 hours. i was laying down to sleep for a good 4.9 of those hours..haha im bad.. but i do what i do..i am conscience of what i do whether it good or bad..
but what am i doing now? what am i doing..i hate being in that position.. i have learned about myself that im a fan of things going right the 1st time around.. i have learned that my interest is hard to keep in EVERY aspect of life.. it sucks..but it is life and its what i live. i love to live.
living is so easy for me Life isnt easy for me..but living day to day. doing whatever comes up. its easy..its that 'laidback' shit. and i prefer it. i prefer being a civilian living everyday life with the dayjob that pays just enough to live.. its crazy how people front that its soo ok, but deep down are scared to live a life without drive..without a dream..without..a plan. (thats a bold statement dan) i dont care..i have given folks the benefit of the doubt when i tell them that i dont know what i want to be in life and that i gave up trying for the simple fact that i dont care! ppl will prolly read that and think i dont care what i turn out to be? fck off with that. i can guarantee you that i wont be a begger.. beggers and the homeless inspire me..i dont even care how it sounds. the shits true. they inspire me to keep on keeping on with my dayjob. i dont have a dream to pursue. so i pursue whatevers on top of my list at the moment. i dont have ambitions to be a VERY RICH AND WEALTHY person. i dont. i dont care. im if that makes me a low life? then so be it. it may let you down but it sure as shit isnt letting me down because i know for sure that i know how to save for a rainy day..although there are MANY MANY MANY fckn obsticles.. i still manage to have something put away.. fuck the system..its trash
and to hell with law enforcement..fuck them they do a good job at serving and protecting im not bitter though. im just gona pay my fine that i dont deserve and live life.
im going to pay for my 2 classes (YES 2 classes, get over it) that im not really eager to start.
i Will pay off my credit card (300 doller balance) and then raise the limit (from 500 to 700) (yes, i do have the means of doing all of that, without the help of my parents. NO, im not flossin, nor will i ever be..maybe) and then purchase the camera that i want.
its whats at the top of my list at the moment. so hmmm..because im paying $700 for a camera and 2 lenses, prolly means that i want to be a photographer when i grow up? nah..i just like taking cool ass pictures with the occasional conceptual picture. dont i have better things to blow my money on? yeah i do. im sure theres a few things you could think of. but guess what? ha. im not gona say it for the sake of sounding like an asshole. haha ive become a bit of an asshole over the last 2 months and whelp. i am aware. but hey, the nice guy gets a little fed up with being taken for granted. dont worry though my fellow americans. im still VERY nice, until i have a reason not to be.
its the holiday seasons and im working retail. awesome huh? i'd say.. i worked 13+ hours this week and i am over it. maybe i deserved that amount, who knows.
hmm...so what else has gone on in the last 2 months that doesnt involve job and love life? NOT MUCH! haha but to hell with going into the love life. that shit... wow. too much..and im very greatful for everything..i havent had this much excitement and ~drama in....my life! im not exactly ~enjoying~ it all but hey! we all gotta go thru it man. just another chronicle to try to teach your kids so they dont go thru the same shit..but no. haha that shts inevitable america. just embrace it! drama aint nothin but a matter of feelings and words. the end. haha (was that subtle enough?)
so the semester is coming to an end and so nears my Drive to pursue a degree.. folks dont even know man.. throughout high school (4 years) plus jr high..i Never planned on going to college.. if it were up to me! i wouldve attended either of my zoned schools and just been as socially successful as i am coming outta votech. educationally though? eh. for me...i know what i know and acquire more knowledge as i go..but if im not interested? then my attention is somewhere else..back to the point.. i am attending school because my mother would like to see me at least obtain a degree of some sort even if it was just the basic associates..and then with the pretty nice help provided by financial aid.. why not? i mean..mom and pop are 'proud', and the others see it as a young african american man making something of his life (no im not getting racial, just be real and understand that thats what runs through the minds of older folks from an era that doesnt consist of that) thats how i feel when they give the approving nodd and then ask what my major is, before suggesting something that actually makes money.
i like being a bit more blunter..i see some 'edge' in this writing..i dont like it though. haha i feel that the people wont like what there reading? hey! its whats goins on right now. read past blogs and notice the change..its life..
life is going on. i have school tomorrow and then after that? idk. maybe hang with somebody and then return to my bed at the end of the night. i like it.
i am currently satisfied with life, with things as...outta whack as they are..i am learning from everything, thats the Best you can do.. to hell with dwelling man. that isnt me.
"never looking back, or too far in front of me, the present is a gift and i just want to BE"
who's up for some inspiration. hahaha srsly though...im thinking about printing that out in 3 diff parts and then putting the 'never looking back' part above my door that leads to the house, and then the 'or too far in front of me' in front of my door that leads outside. and then 'the present is a gift' above my computer desk, OR my bed EH? EH? yeh..its all good.
so i purchased some wayfarers: .."> from ebay for like 10 bucks with shipping and im pretty sure that theyre the business right now..hahaha
and thenn! my threadless collection has grown to 9 shirts now. im pretty excited! im finally not forced to rock the inevitable hollister..not that i have a probby with it..that word 'hollister' just makes it easy for people to label me. haha which ALSO isnt a problem for me..im interested in what people can come up with for a label for me. i stay random for a reason! haha "it keeps the tricks guessin" haha yeeaaah buddy!.
so i have SOOOOOOOOOOO much more to write..but i dont feel like it..haha simple as that my nigs....
hey. thank you for reading. im sorry for taking so long to update.. i appreciate you! and im sure we'll be in touch! iloveyouall talk to you soon
the month of october has been.........what-the-fuck not evin in a bad way... just wow man.. everything from friends to fam to work to school to emotions to ~company~ im so fcked.. ughs..maybe im better off alone...YEAH RIGHT! anyways lets take a minute to watch lupes 'dumb it down' video
his styles pretty cool.. and its pretty Bomb how he can talk with his hands.. haha w0op
moving on
im actually gona go thru with this tv america i Gotta get somethin from eli's magic before hes gone... that mans like the black father i never had. hahaa i told my moms today..i look up to the man though..its pretty cool.. so yeah my room's gona be THAT much better! haha Rad.
im mad tired man.. but this song by lupe is somethin else..and im talkin to my april..shes fly.
the day is now monday the 29th..3:05 am, and my ticket is due by today or else im a felon...haha the check was mailed yestaday so its whatev thank god for postmark n shit wow..i havent blogged in a few
that there is where i am at on the wall of photography..i like the thought of it...just all the pictures that i feel deserve to be on the wall is gona go on. fck organization and fck making sense. you'll like it if your not shallow..haha you'll like alot of things about me if your not shallow..i dont know alot of shallow people..but then at the same time i know enough to fill that quota. haha owell though.."to each his own"
i want more money..and it sucks the associate reviews at work are goin on and ive only been there since june and you have to be there a minimum of 6 months.. theres no 60/90 day probation period deal..theres no benefits til l8r on..that place Sux..but the people are awesome. haha its so funny that a maJority of the people there say the same..'i hate this place but..its fun' little do some of them know that most of the rest of the store feels the same way. haha shits like a fam..we keep eachother goin everyday..its cool to be a part of..also good to provide some comic relief..just further inspiration to take up professional comedy of any type..blah im sick of school..haha 1 class right? fck it wanker. im tired of that one class.its not hard or anything..its just inconveinent. i Hella dont have the drive for school.i hella realized the other day that damn..ALL through high school, and even after. i Didnt plan on going to college..it wasnt that i didnt want to..i just..didnt care.i wanted to graduate and live..and im doing it! with the addition of school. and one class..is SO fine with me. to hell with anyone whom looks down upon it. im not gona front and break myself for the satisfaction of..You? (you isnt referring to anyone in spacific..just the public)
owell..ash is in town..its so cool to see her now that she doesnt live here. haha i wana go to cali alot..but ccity is sucha cockblock on everything in life. hahaha but fck it..i can always take the time off..if i were more of a planner.haha i totally dig on the spur of the moment dig..tonight woulda been a good night to do it..im off tomoro and tuesday damnit.but i would really like to have a gps deal goin..calis confusin as shit. haha
wow..its 3:23 and im still typin away..it doesnt feel as good though..writing feels so good now..its amazing i really dont know how..so much comes out thats randomly awesome.. the word 'beautiful disaster' comes to mind when i look at my writing.. it has so much writing with such little meaning..but some of the meanings behind them are just shy of amazing..haha maybe i should write..maybe i should do stand up..maybe i should.. Live..haha fck it.i wana see ny brooklyn more than other parts..but my time will come.
yehp..still typing n shit. haha SO tired man.........
so ive been debating lately..kinda wishin i could go back to september where i made one helluva decision..im kinda wishin i could see how turned out had i chosen the path opposite of the one i took..but oh well right? fck it all just type and buy 32 inch tv's for 400 dollers. haha owell.. gnight my fellow americans..
^ one of those "greatest nights of my life" dealio's
so its pretty trashy...i read it..im uninterested. haha
but fck..its too late for revision and all that. its 4:50 am.
class is at 9..which is when its due haha.
i love it..college baby.i only have 1 class too!
anyways
here ya go my fellow americans..haha
The Significance of the Adoption Process..:namespace prefix = o ns = "urn:schemas-microsoft-com:office:office" />
Adoption isn't as easy as just applying for a child and receiving them in 10 to 20 business days; there is a little bit more to it than that. There are many steps to the adoption process that include the procedure of applying to become an adoptive parent, and the issues/controversy surrounding adoption. Although there are many other steps in the adoption process, those are some of the points that I feel people should know a little bit more about than what is already known acquired through common knowledge.
The adoption process consists of choosing the type of adoption which can be done either publically or privately. When done publically, you have to go through an agency that is funded by the state or a 3rd party organization. If the adoptive parents choose to adopt publically then most parents will receive assistance in the process from the state's Department of Social Services, or the Department of Family and Children Services, included in the assistance are training and education on what to do and the outcome of the situations that can and will occur. As oppose to a private adoption which doesn't involve an agency. A private adoption is done through an attorney or a facilitator where they have to hire a lawyer for themselves. In this process the adoptive parents have more control on the outcome of the adoption process and the decision on whether the birth mother can or cannot be in touch with them. Next is deciding whether they want an open, closed or semi open adoption. If the parents choose an open adoption then the birth parents have the option of meeting the adoptive parents before they choose to place their child with them. If the birth parents are comfortable with the family then the relationship may grow even after the adoption is finalized. The relationship can grow more personal and include visits, phone calls, exchanging letters, pictures and or e-mails. The adopted child can meet his/her birth family and communication is as open as the parties involved decide together. At the age of 18 the adopted child has complete access to their original records.
If the adoptive parents chose to have a closed adoption then the record of the biological parents are kept completely secret.The adoption of an older child whom already knows their biological parents cannot be made closed. This used to be the more popular/traditional type of adoption before the use of internet and other means of tracking a person down. The semi open adoption is basically the agency letting the parent see the progress of their child without any contact.After the process of deciding on how the parents want to go about adopting comes the more personal phase of the long adoption process.
After all of the fuss of being setup to adopt a child, the next step in the process is to complete a home study. The home study is a report for the courts and the adoption professionals to determine whether the parents could provide a stable environment for an adopted child. The elements that are included in a majority of home studies include the following:
·An Autobiography: Consists of a brief overview of the parent's childhood experiences, family relationships, their marriage, employment status and personal interests?
·A Personal Interview: The social worker will have a one on interview with each parent alone, and then one with the both of them together. From the interviews the social worker determines if a stable living environment can be provided for the child.
·Background Checks: They check each parent's criminal record and or any claims of child abuse.
·Health Status: The status check of each parents health from a physical examination performed by their routine practitioner to determine if they have a regular life expectancy.
·Financial Statements: The social worker reviews their annual income, savings, liabilities or debts, and overall net worth
Those are the 5 steps of the home study portion of the adoption process that occur most. Some steps are added or subtracted from the procedure depending on the state, agency or the social worker.If approved then the parents have to wait for a placement.
After the long process of finding an agency or attorney, and then completing the home study, comes possibly the most difficult component in the adoption process, which is waiting for a placement. The time that is spent waiting on placement depends on many different factors of the type of child their adopting varying from the race, age, to mental and physical health. Adopting a child of a different race greatly reduces the waiting time of being placed.
Once everything in the extensive process of becoming an adoptive parent, and receiving a new child into the family is complete, the adoption is finalized and official after the parents receive full legal rights and responsibilities of the child. Full parental guardianship is acquired after the biological parent's rights have been terminated, the child has lived in the home for a minimum of 6 months, and the social worker has submitted a recommendation of approval, a judge will finalize it all by rewarding the adoptive parents with full guardianship.
Things may seem great after everything is finished but the problems can only start to occur once the child gets older and develops a mind of their own or is easily influenced by the wrong crowd. Being an adopted person myself, I completely understand how easy it is to have question or concern about how and why I am where I am now.Most of the more popular issues that most people are familiar with when they think of problems with adoption are what they see and hear in schools, and in the media, in some situations teachers' lesson plans have to be slightly altered because they include activities that involve the child drawing their family tree and or even tracing their eye color back through their parents and grandparents to see whom they inherited them from.When it comes to the media it is an ongoing dispute on how adoption is represented as unfair. Or in most cases in television or film, the adoptee spending a majority of the program searching for their biological parents; in both cases the feelings and thoughts of the adoptee are dumbed down and one participant group is favored, ignoring the two other participants in the adoption process, thus leading to younger kids to teenagers having the wrong perception of the way adoption really is.
Another instance of an issue in adoption is the term "adoptism", which means to have the conviction that goes against adoption like the belief that adoption is not a legitimate way to build a family, and the belief that adoptees are defined throughout their lives by the fact of their adoption, and the assumption that the individual's abilities come from their family's abilities, and the attitude that all abilities are "inherited" rather than learned.
One of the more serious issues with adoption is the disruption of an adoption. Disruption is what most people call the ending of an adoption before it is legally completed thus potentially being able to cause the child to suffer from reactive attachment disorder, and the parents suffering from social stigma. All in all it is a completely negative situation but the fact that the parents were approved for adoption after all of the tests and studies that were run does not mean that the adoption will go completely as planned.
So when it comes down to it, those are just a few factors to consider while still thinking about adopting a child and providing them with a different life than what is considered "normal"in today's society.
:D 1296/1250..success baby
so this evanescence cd is so amazing..why didnt i ever buy it!!
you wont find it here! here i am in this space...to type... and im blank. the car ride home tonight i gave myself a headache, thinkin about everything..... fuck it all- i bought a pen and a little memo book..the small cutsie ones that ppl carry around to jot shit... well im gona become a Master Jotter..hahaha nah but i Do have 80 pages to write what i want.. because i think im gona make it a private one... yi know..where it says "private stay out" on the cover n shit..haha that girly shit from the movies..i dont care.sometimes i think of some 'poetic' shit..that some ppl just dont read with the right mind..
im listenin to twistas 1st..."Adrenaline Rush" shit takes me back to 11th grade..haha what a year.
fuck i still have a headache.. caused by me.. haha so is that self inflicted pain? haha right..
yeh... so yeh...so im pretty bummed that life is not conveinent right now.. and in the midst of all this "bullshit" <--(the only word i can think of to call whats goin on in my 'life') i find myself wanting to speak to my biological mother....i only call her that publically.. i call her mom when i refer to her..shes actually a quite amazing person at times too.. shes 24-7 bullshit..i dont evin know the last time something good happened for her? but damn..shes still alive man..she still calls me when she gets the chance..i guess shes over takin care of my sisters n shit at the moment..she dont have a job i dont think? but i understand..keep them from killin eachother..haha both bein 30+.. she lives though..day to day..ive got my problems yes..i cant just shake everything off in my life because theres always someone going through worse..fuck that. i am something diff..but nothing amazing..i am only human. im tired of explaining stuff anymore..i wrote something today in my new trusty handy dandy notepad.. "the lack of _________ship in my life is driving me to a fucked stage..how do i know? cuz ppl are starting to notice.. i dont talk about my problems america. the shits just unnecessary. so of course i shake it off.. i have told 2 or 3 ppl my problems.. i got 0 help.. not that i was looking for help man.. i take care of that myself..i was just sharing to......test i guess.. actually a co-worker of mine is pretty good with "advice" i like having him around for that.. haha cuz when i tell ppl my problems..i normally tell them the solution and then inform that i was just sharing because i felt it was necessary......(i know im talking in circles..fuck it) but yeah..
this phrase has occured alot lately "why are you such a know-it-all?" im not..i promise! i just think before i say..thats all..evin when it doesnt seem like it...i do
wow....i still have this headache.. and theres still so much on the mindwave..but im just not going to share..
thus making this a pointless blog... one day ill have a good one! haha i promise...things cant stay bland forever..
i think im being played with? owell though..sometimes its fun to analyze
im not proud of it..but i should def. get a c or better...idk haha
i wish some ome this ish were more natural..haha anyways
"The Room of Doom" is what I have begun to call my sanctuary. This area that is also my room is that of a publically private domain located in the back of my current residence. This location that I chose to write about doesn't only mean the world to me, but it is my world, and I am the governor, president and sometimes even a dictator of and in my own room. By the end of this essay you should have a little bit of insight on the feel of the room and an understanding of how important a room can be to an individual.
As I lie here on my love sac, I start to realize that my room has a modern feel to it. At first glance it seems like an active 26 year old could occupy this space. The room seems filled but not entirely used; I have a poster of New York's Time Square positioned above my door that leads to my backyard, I keep it up there for some nature of inspiration. There are six usable corners, four of which are filled with the essentials of my generation. One corner has my bed that is one the most reliable sources of relaxation that the room provides. The corner opposite of that the bed lounges the love sac. I call it "the sac", and that big bag of memory foam holds the power to attract the body of any onlooker; the word "Plop" comes to mind when I listen to people blitz themselves onto it. Opposite of that corner stands my television that I acquired with the room; it provides adequate entertainment when needed, but doesn't play an active role in the importance of my room. The corner that matters most is the corner that is located in the back of the room; where my computer desk is established. I spend 75% of my time in this vicinity of the room typing my life away while listening to whatever music is relevant for the day. A bookshelf is situated less than 5 feet away from the computer desk and two of the four shelves are filled with DVD movies and one of the four shelves has a bunch of cd cases that I have accumulated through the years. My closet is a small but spacious parcel that holds my attire and useless rubbish from my last room.
When you walk into the room you will hear music, regardless of the time of day. I leave the music playing while I am gone to set the mood of the room for whoever visits while I am gone. My computer provides the musical entertainment in the far corner of the room thus creating a distant but definite 'feel' for the room. The room in its whole smells like that of an unsolicited capacity at times but the daily douse of febreze leaves a consistent citrusy smell that enlightens your senses on how to feel when in the room itself.
My house is that of a helping home; Extended family and friends are forever staying here only for a couple months at a time. At one point we didn't have enough space to hold everyone comfortably because more family was going to move in for a couple of months in addition to a few other family members already residing with us. Upon realization of how the living situations would be; my dad decided to convert the storage room into a fully functional bedroom. He finished within the 6 months that he had to work on it. It was a project for him to execute because he was newly retired and needed something to do with his time. By the end of 2006; the family that was occupying this room moved into their new home and this leaving this fresh opportunity to stretch my legs. My mother beat me to it! Turns out, she already had plans to turn the room into an area for her to take care of a few of her everyday chores that she can do without the essence of a new room. By September 2007; my parentals elected to move me into the room by my birthday.
A simple day in this room consists of computing, eating, sleeping, being lazy and singing. I wake up every day and roll out of my bed without making it. I head to my closet and put on whatever is relevant for the occasion and I attend to whatever is on the agenda for the day.
When I return from wherever I was at; I instantly plop onto my uber comfortable love sac and just let my body rest until I get bored. From there I proceed to my computer desk where I check on what is going on in my world along with the real world, listen to my music, and talk to my friends. After I finish eating whatever I yearn for throughout the day, I procrastinate for the remaining hours of the night until my eyes start to burn and I slither back into my bed that feels the same way I left it 12+ hours ago where I call it a night. Everyone has a place that they can be at peace if its anything from there room to a random location in their town, I am very grateful that my room provides everything that I need. It protects me from external harm, shelter from the public and most of all it provides plenty of entertainment for me and others that aren't fortunate enough to spend as much time in it as I do.
i knew it.... why did i choose her? she seemed like a beautiful pick at the time.. everything was right.. i seen love in the future.. what was i to her? i cant believe that this has happened...somehow again.. i blame no one but god.. he ever so inevitably presented me with the same dilemma that has come about every time i like someone since freshman year.. wouldnt that somehow make it my fault for not going with the obvious? 'whats a crush ta do' it-is fucked up to have to choose between 2 both of which are amazing candidates to be the next to recieve my full amout of love... only to have it thrown back into my face simply for being me? it Isnt fair..that I have such fate that occurs everytime it comes to my personal happYness. here i am..heart shattered once again, for the simple fact that for some reason god doesnt feel i deserve to be Loved as much as i Loved.. amazing.. im not one for whining.. but this life isnt worth living if i cant share my happYness with someone whom deserves it..i wake up and live everyday for the people of this world, and i work for what i want..but when it comes to happyness.. why?
Tell me this isnt almost Beautiful..and i'll re-write it...
ILL TAKE MY TWIST WITH A SHOUT! A COFFEE SHOP WITH A CAUSE MAN ILL FREAK YOU OUT NO SEX NO DRUGS NO LIKE NO LOVE WHEN IT COMES TO TODAAY STAAY IF YOU WANA LOVE ME STAAY OH DONT BE SHYY LETS CAUSE A SCEENE LIKE LOVERS DOO...ON SILVER SCREEN
LOVE that song..Love the killers america way to start with a BANG this week eah!?
so i realized something today that ive Known for a while..just not to the Fullest extent.. im a pretty good ass listener..even when its shit that doesnt concern me or something i could give 2 shits n a rats ass about..i put myself in there shoes and open my mind to there passion. they talk i listen, i input and they feel better at the end of the convo because they feel that they've just educated a youth on 'today' haha i love rambling.
im gona go on. i hate females son ;] hahaha my Whackberry pearl is so nice..it cant really handle me..it freezes up alot and gets all laggy n shit..and the battery dies after a little bit of extensive use..but for the avg business type/flashy hipster..the phone is..Suiting. hahaha yeah.. so i think i did a good deed this week..with proper possession.. it was a saturday..and i was covering a closing shift because the person had something better to do..and in the beginning of the shit i see my manager eli printing papers...i think i look up to eli. hes bomb and inspires me if i had inspiration... so anyways. im doin something irelevent like writing one of my useless subliminal quotes on the whiteboard in the back. and look at him and he looks at me with this shameful look on his face..im like damn..frilz? hahaha and hes like Yuup..these are all our open boxed items in the store man..im like Daamn! i didnt really know what alot was..but the whole 10-20 second convo we had papers were just printing out n shit. and i was like 'thats no good..' he says 'Nope..but im gona take care of it' im all 'Your the man for it!' those pointless words of encouragement that you blurt just to Maybe help and that was the end of the beginning part.. an hour before close chris comes in and im all 'wtf man..get the hell out were closin n shit' just talkin my shit and hes like 'wheres eli?' and i say more shit that doesnt have anythign to do with..anything (im conscience of my talking in circles america) and hes like dude, hes givin me this laptop for 650 bro. im like ew...shit prolly sux..and hes like Nah man its the 64xx and im like Bullshit! and hes like nah foreals! and i go find the laptop and ring it up and shure nuff he dropped that shit to 649..i almost shit..not really but still. sean cought wind of what was goin on and found himself one! fucker paid like 4 somethin for it. i was feelin HUNGRY! whew! i was buyin SOMETHIN. and im talkin my shit to jake and hes like bitch..ill sell this tv to you for 350! it was an hp plasma...i was like.........'the fuck outta here' and he was serious.......i thought about it..and i was like nah man hp..and plasma? eh............but for 350 i could suck it up..and sean S says 'well what about the samsung in the service room? same size..400' i lost my marbles..i went back n looked at it..it was NIICE just..plasma...and plasma has its few-big disadvantages so i was iffy..but Suckin it up! for 400 fuck what anybody has to say about plasma..thats a 1600+ tv..............so i put off on purchasing it until monday because i was an idiot and didnt get the check cashed in time and banks are closed on sundays. so MONDAY COMES!!!!!! shits goin DOWN son! i take care of business...i go to the bank. deposit the check. withdraw enough for the phone go to cingular.. woow. my bro's bestfriend mitched hooked me up so ill.. i actually felt loved. hahaha ill leave it at that.. so im swimmin on....-cloud 9- n shit and im drivin home playin with my new phone.. and i had to go home to change, then stop at the bank again take out 400 and go to work...........i get home change and on the way to work........................................................................ idk what happened................ i called my mom told her to call margie (my oldest bro's wife) and tell her she can buy it.............................................................................................................................................. wth?
and then she did! ................................................................................................. ....... owell...thats 400 more dollers for my savings........ they love it. i have a 25$ gift card to jack n the box now.... :] haha with 15 on it as of today... those ultimate cheeseburgers are NUTS yo.. took me 20 min to eat on this one night...
moving on.. my rough draft to my essay blew chunks.. i read it out loud in class on thursday and half way through i wanted to stop and get to Work. i know i can tell amazing stories... but those Happen..not made.. i mean i have a few blogs that make me feel confident about my 'writing abilities' but when it comes to being assigned to write...... which is why im not interested in publications for a career.. im not interested in a career at all at the moment..but for a breif period of time it was totally publications..and marketing..and graphic design......and computer IT. but fck it yo. im gona do what i want at the moment.
i like living for now and when..now and when... i like it now-now when-when something comes up so yeah... what to go on about...
you'd like to know about the lovelife wouldnt you?
prolly not.. thanks. hahaa
so i never realized how happy target makes me.. wtf right? yeah man. i tried not to go tonight for the fact that they'd be closing in an hour..but smiths just didnt have what i was looking for and all the Mexicans were bugging me..so FUCKING many kids.. you can take that how you want america. but the only white people i seen were cashiers. and the black ppl...were.....idk i seen a few..they were out of my way so ANYWAYS i get to target with the intentions on just getting some candy... maaan from 750 to 9...i had a cart with reeses pieces, skittles, gardettos, root beer, fruit snacks, gatorade and 5 string cheeses...thats all under 10 bucks thank you. i had all that shit picked out in 10 min.... and then wtf did i do for the next hour??? hahaha one things for sure some lady in there has something against me because i was pushing my cart and you know..running and then jumping on the thing and gliding..because its awesome. and shes all 'uh, can you Please not do that sir, its not safe' BUT she said in that tone america. dont call me prissy. that tone made me feel 10....hahahaah so i turned the corner and did it again. she comes around the corner and says 'turning the corner doesnt make it ok!' i yelled 'im not putting anyone in danger!' and walked til the next corner... end. hahaaa wooow so yeah..you bored of readin my shit yet? i know you are.. but you continue anyways huh..? maybe im just being confident.. maybe you stopped half way through my tv story..haha owell though.. this is me writing and you reading for what point? so you can hear about someone elses life instead of yours or your bffe that sweats the small things........ im prolly wrong but hey thats how im writing it. hahaha my buddy mike told me today that he respects me..
jake was UBER late opening the registers and so i had to hustle to open them before open. and i get a 1/4 of the registers open by like 945 (store opens at 10) and wayne comes up to me and informs that me that he went ahead and opened 1/4 of the registers for me. assuring me that he had my back :) wayne: wingman 1 Mike..the man is full of old school insight that keeps me interested because i LOVE to hear about shit from a few generations ago...i hate my generation. not my people..just..this time...shits so corrupted... so mike tells me where he stands with the 'n word' and how he used to drive a bus (one of his PLENTY occupations) and hearing black kids n white kids under the age of evin 16 call each other that word so freely.. i let him know how i felt about that..'that word is slang now mike, its not evin watered down, its just water. the only (blk) people that take offense to the word that are under a certain age are only taking offense out of ignorance. not all but a good number. theres no way that word can effect anyone the way it did 10+ years ago when people use it in the Smallest of situations' and he said his input and what not and then tells me im a good kid, and that he respects me and has my back and to Tell him if im ever bothered by him.. mike= wingman 2 both are 'old fogies' but still amazing..
work is going..for me. haha going good but damn..shits kinda a hassle..ive actually settled for 60 hours on this check....wth? but damn. i refuse to stress that shit. haha do you know who i am? can you Link the word stress to Danny Ray? no. haha because i dont give enough of a fuck...
enough about work...
ive been paying peoples bills around the fam this month...wth? i Love helping..but damn when it comes to money america..that Is the future to me.. i see so many people at high age and struggling..i reFUSE to let that happen to me. i'd rather struggle now and let that shit smoothen out..haha my taste is too expensive to 'want'.. but yeah...im slowly but surely getting reimbursement..heh im not gona hustle my own peeps! i know they'd help me if i needed it..my fam is elite! haahah 'TRIPP' hahaha jp..were just as good as the next fam.. thats gona be the 1st tattoo i get.. wana know why? i think its 'poetic' just not to that extent..hahha so my adoption isnt a FULL adoption..its adoption/gaurdianship. so my last name doesnt change, and i know my whole fam n all that shit. through the ages..it was always a debate to changing my last name to tripp....... i feel so bad but..i dont want to..i like Ray...i just to. thats me. and theres already TWO Danny Tripps in the family.... so im not changing my name to tripp........i dont want to..if i ever change it..it'll be Ray..i wont have a middle name but thats ok...selfish..i know.....but i'd also like to start a fam with that last name....kinda my own start..my own 'franchise'...starts with me..you know....top of the tree...... but anyways whenever the time comes..im gona get Tripp tattooed on my body...that way 'ill always be a tripp' it'll have PLENTY of meaning to me..and im Sure my fam will like it..if not... fuck it they will...hahaa WOW this is a long blog... im finna take a break on that ass because james just called me. he needs a ride from tbell and i'll have a chicken case-a-dilla waiting for me..haha FOR FREE!
brb
so this casedilla isnt half bad.. the baja blast is ILL.haha so on the way home. -a friend from high school- drunk dialed me...hahha i love it when people do that..haha i normally record it and then call then the next day let them listen...or i myspace it to them...either way..its great.. pretty much the only 'positive' accomplishment of drinking.. i mean yeah drinkings bad blah blah blah..but ive been drunk once
Def. one of the Funnest nights of my life..
..and i drunk dialed someone..and i got SO much off my mind..it was beautiful...i mean...not much was accomplished BUT when i woke up the next day...i remembered what i'd said..and the next time i seen that person..things were the same.......hahahahah BUT what was discussed was discussed and we knew where we stood..........
so yeah... i just previewd what i had for this blog..... WOW... thats a good 10..20 min of reading..unless you speed read thru my shit looknig for answers...
im sorry...there isnt much enlightenment in this long drawn out blog..but i just had the urge to -outlet- with no certain intention...
thank you for reading.. sorry for the waste of time (if you made it this far) i appreciate you :] and you have a good -life- until next time.....
im so not done writing..its actually a shame that i can write all this..but when time comes to write an essay..i barely get by with little satisfaction..i accept that..haha your cool.
and i know that this one will push me over thr 5k limit..thats taken me bout 3 yrs to reach..haha
so hello my fellow americans.. things have gone Up since the last blog.. yeh...haha that one recieved alot of attn that i knew it would.. idk if anyone understands how much attn that one got. but i will say this thank you All for caring. i know you do, cuz you know i care about you. thanks for all the concerned/check up phone calls and txt's and..care! haha i appreciate you..
im fine. i promise, i was fine then too just not Normal..haha and its ok to show a little weakness right? haha i am right. just not from me. haha i stay strong and keep my head up for a reason..and thats Obviously because it sets an example for folks..everyone from lil children to older adults..they see that Me of all ppl, is one that doesnt let 'Life' get to him. and thats damn amazing for someone at the age of 19..sorry for giving myself cred but fck it. haha i see ppl crumble to some of the same 'problems' that i have.. life goes on! "everyday above ground, is a good day" i heard that from an asshole one day at work. haha (story) yeah man fuckin..some guy was bein a Total dick! about one of our coups and told me i didnt know shit and damn near called me illiterate..i didnt mind it..words dont hurt me! but what do i do? ill fck with you head if i can.. he didnt break. haha he was goin on while waiting for some shit and i was like damn..life must suck huh? and goin on..bein all calm...showing resistance and then Blam! he throws that quote at me..and at the time i was like 0o0 thats beautiful blah blah blah..but you dont look like your having a beautiful day and then he got all intellectual.. anyways yeah..
so kanyes cd is so awesome..but now im rappin bout money hoes and rims agaain..haha that was from college drop out! and shit this graduation one...he shows progression.. anyways
tmoros gona be a big day... i actually wrote it out..haha
-Wake up ~bank opens at 9 -cash fin aid check -make sure everythings iight -take out 3 and head to cingular (on fuckin..rainbow n spring mtn. Daaamn! haha) -grab my whackberry! if its 200 plus rebate n what not ~Hopefully be done by noon ~~if home b4 noon.. go home sleep, charge the battery for 6-8 hrs -then to work 1-7 shift -somewhere in there do the deal with the tv [42'' plasma, 400] DAMN! -take my broke ass home -HOPEFULLY DO MY HW!!!!!! and play with my fone.. -sleep
thats the Perfect day but shit does happen america..like today with my check
i had an awesome day with laura :]
so moving on... this blog has gone dry..its not as interesting as the one 2-3 entries ago was..
so yeah.. off to my pen n pad that pic actually turned out to be pretty useful.haha
speaking of! i need to print HELLA pics man..my room could be so much more...meaningful?? just kididn. whe'll see anyways thanks for reading..im sure ill be well over 5100 by nxt entry...haha maybe evin 5050..haha kk later days my fellow america..
and i have no one to blame..but myself i guess... somehow..its my fault. i'd rather not blame anyone else for the fact that... fuck it
fuck today tonight and last night
im discouraged, distraught, heartbroken, disgusted,upset. appetiteless.. just fucked up.
at one point..i couldnt evin hold my head up anymore.. i said to hell with it. why hold your head up when theres someone out there just Waiting for the opportunity to SHOOT YOU DOWN fuck the police. not all..just the ones i dont know, and the ones that have something against me..somehow.
i dont evin wana talk about it..it actually makes my stomach hurt when i do.. last night the shit made me naseuated and i lost my appetite..so all i will tell you is that i was pulled over on my way home from carls jr, and given a ticket for not coming to a complete stop at an intersection..which I know i did, and james and ridge also.. but in this Fucked up world..what can i do about that? thats Actually worth it in the end? i'd rather not fight the -authority- that only causes stress, and the outcome in the end..If successful..isnt worth all the bs i'd have to go thru...
so yes im saying, im taking what was given to me, and i'll pay for that.. 2 tickets in 2 weeks..wtf..ill just shake it off..somehow i deserve it..
i love my cat..in the midst of all this -outlet-*typing* she jumps on my lap and crawls up my chest and i think she can tell whats goin on.....she purs right in my ear..
so yeah..enough with the gay scene..
work sucks right now.. i suck at it lately.
i'd like to crawl under a rock and be inexistant right now.. it would be SO nice... i'd come out in like a year? fresh, ready for the garbage i live in, and almost 20..haha
20..totally skipping 19..that last -teenaged- year. the one that doesnt mean shit. haha SO thrilled..WHOLLOPS!
so i was helping this lady, the other day. and she was purchasing a printer for her publications.. she actually has books out.. and somewhere in the conversation while circling and filling out her rebate info..i tell her i do a little bit of writing.. because i do! she asked what kind. i told her the pointless kind. and such n such, and she said thats cool and she gave me some advice on that..be detailed because if its still around in about 20 years..the fact that my shits Boring and uninteresting and love-drought. it'll still enlighten folks of how shit was back in o7..hahaha it helped! customer advice sucks soo bad lately.. and she Also pointed out to me that my passion is life..which megan did a while back but it didnt effect me like it did coming from someone whom didnt know much about me.. which comforts me with the fact that i dont have BIGGER and BETTER ambitions to be a -somebody- i like who i am. i just dont like where im at anymore..
i need a girlfriend..
my spirit is broken, my morale is low, and i start school this week.
life was so..Good a few weeks ago..
im not depressed yet america.
im addressing america asif they'll be reading this a day from now..
im letting this blog be public for a day.. yi know..show you that evin I..can be broken.
but you'll never know it.. cuz ill never show it =] ..
theres NO tellin how long this'll be! haha nah..it shouldnt be long..i dont have much to talk about.. im just laying here next to kitty kitty.. its 1:13 am..i took 3 naps today im SO tired and now when it comes time to call it a night.. i cant fall asleep..i hate my sleeping habits..but shit..i live haha
so anyways.. i gots some good music playin up there..the song black maybe..it means alot. and around the world is aMAZING..haha i got becca into daft.. shes awesome..we have aMAZING talks some nights. ahha and other nights..idk what goes on..random n stuff, i love it
yeh.. so i work at 830..and im hopin im able to sleep by 2..its 1:31 james neil n ridge are in my kitchen right now..eatin del taco. those are my boys man. its too bad neil didnt get to go to fish lake this year..next year though. ahha man..im hella tired..physically. but mentally im ready to go! shit im livin good..broke n stuff but still havin fun doin whatever i do!
im still missin people..and theres some new ppl i wana hang out with..get a little closer to..im workin on that though. i seen blaine on friday! that was pretty awesome, 'ts good to see a good friend doin good for themselves. and i talked to tori today via aim. her n jimmy ACTUALLY DID IT!!! they moved to cali..haha im proud of them..alotta..if not everybody i told what they were up to they gave me that look of doubt, or just straight out said 'yeah right!' and there there now..they went on the 1st. im happy for them! haha i'd like to find soemthin new..but im stuck here for a little while. haha my pops said i cant go nowhere til hes gone..so thats that, and i'd MUCH rather wait 20 years to try somethin new if that means they'd be around longer.. those 2 are my life man..its amazing the older i get the closer we get..fuck man. these last couple years have been something else for me..and theyre doing the best job ive ever seen parents do..without production..haha (cosbys, runs house) so yeah.. life is good..all around i'd say. morgan got her new vehicle n stuff, and shes headed back to the -reen- on thursday..im proud of her for workin so hard this summer..stayin on top of shit. its good to see ppl come up! haha i said that earlier..
-i love everything about you that hurts, so leme see ya moves, leme see ya mooves- fall out boy.. that pete wentz..haha
so yeah....1:43 and where am i..im laying in my bed..with work at 830 and then HOPEFULLYYY go pick up my blackberry pearl....UGH 90 doller phone bill if the shit goes thru man.. so that'd be 175 into the car, 100 into the savings, and 45 into the phone..each check! and then taxex!!!! WTFFF thats if i work 60 hrs too..haha if i work 80..taxes will strangle me owell... its all good..i could be where i was prior to june.. lookin like a 'bum-ass-negro' not doin anything but -livin- n whatnot..haha owell
this cartel cd is..pretty damnd good. that will pugh? i think? good ass pipes that kid has..hahaha i wana do somethin like band in a bubble... i'd call it 'dan in a bubble' HAHAH so orig! yeh..i wish i were big and famo..i'd so live here..pay off my car and then throw that shit in the retirement or something..UGH im so ready for retirement..hahahaha shit!
man0man..im so tired..and theres 5 minutes left til 2am..will i be able to sleep? kitty kitty sure as shit isnt having a problem..FUCK i wish i were born a cat..ahhahaha i say a cat cuz there pretty damnd cool..dogs..there lives arent as good as cats i dont think..idk im not gona go into a whole discussion bout that. ahha
school starts soon.. eng 2 and environmental.. and sofar im stickin with photography..for me. to hell with a career..ive never known what i wana be, and i like where im at now. so the way i see it..in the future ill hopefully doing something related to what im doin now, and getting paid Well..i dont Need a million dollers a year..that'd be awesome. but ive never had ambitions to be that BIG SUCCESSFUL CEO OF HIS OWN COMPANY/BUSINESS..no man..ive always wanted to just be me..and me is being who i turn out to be..what happens happens. im sorry if that isnt good enough for most of you..actually im not sorry..its whatev. haha im only Somewhat out to please you. (you being: the public) so yeah.. electronics retail is what i like..customer service is good for me because i get to be me with little stipulations.. not a salesman.. i say im too real, and i wouldnt like having to sell something i think is somewhat bogus (city advantage, the replacement plan is cool though) but yeah.. i like where i am, with little thought about changing positions.. and in the future..i'd like to see myself doing something related to what i do now..just better? and better just meaning higher pay, good benefits, full-time, and ok room for advancement.. which brings me back to the name i had about a month ago..'civilian' to me..that fits me perfect..
ci·vil·ian (s---v--l'y?n) Pronunciation Key n.
1. A person following the pursuits of civil life, especially one who is not an active member of the military, the police, or a belligerent group.
i like it.. but My personal definition..which isnt much diff from that one..
Civilian: an Individual
the end
HHAHAAHHAHH so yeah... i have a MUTHAFUCKIN CAVITY FUCKIN A!!!!! i brush!!!! i floss sometimes!! i scrape my tongue with the tongue cleaner!! and i definitely listerine it up! but i do eat too much candy.. so by 50 i'll have a mouth full of fillings..... or maybe dentures.. cuz candy is just too good to me. hahah damn..thats a shame
so its now 2:09..my eyes burn..i think i could prolly sleep now.. BUTT.. i like outletting.. just talking to -the people- cuz hell 4582 total blog views.. 19 this week..
SOMEbodys reading, yi know? i do have preferred readers n all that but it goes further than that. haha thank you for reading..im glad i have your interest...
im an interesting person..
im doin good. how bout you?
thank you for reading..
you'll see/hear from me soon!
bye
ps..
im pretty sure its not a peoples favorite.. being that it hasnt gotten a reaction like previous doings.. but this one i like..and i feel it comes off as i dont like working? i do america. but im doin alot of it..i wana say its an addiction? but that isnt it.. i just like getting paid! <3
and where am I? im working tomorrow at 10.. til 7 n shit blah..i need more money. i wana work at cingular.. owell..so i think.. im just gona go to school for photography.. for my own personal use.. i guess so i can have something in the end? not for the ppl though.. the people want a bachelors I never evin planned on continuing school after hs. so im doin ok where i am now. and in the end.. ill be more educated in photography and start a career? idk prolly not. we'll see where im at eah?
anyways.. its 12:51 now and my eyes burn.. and nothing is on my mind..not evin life just me sitin here, listenin to daft punk... wishing i didnt have to work tomorrow.. but i need the hrs..so fck it all right! 'you only live once' so ill get little sleep here haha wake up at 9 work til 7 maybe come home..somehow end up staying up all night then im off sunday.. but my day offs arent those sleep in days..haha they start good..but never end up right.. and then work monday.. bills nigga. hahaahha anyways its all good tho...i aint complainin i like having an income, and i like my job..crazy shit huh!? haha
k its 1:02 im loading music and i cant do this tonight.. my eyes burn..badly. haha
im not evin feeling the urge to blog..but its 1:58 and im talkin to my megan.. i'd hoped to be back in bed by 2..but i hate to end good conversation..so im on til shes gone..
so im laying here..pretty alone. im finally satisfied and almost happy.. i really do love life. and heres some of why.. for the last couple months.. as you've prolly read. ive just been unsatisfied..the whole unemployment thing was KILLING me softly..haha i unproudly held my head up and thats just sad..but now im employed and i got my 1st check..it feels so good..to just have money..that i earned at that. and pay for that damned car.. its aMazing..and the job is so easy..customer service?? its SOOO easy to just be me..and ppl love it. haha like..evin when i get an angry person..I dont care. they can do n say all they want..i dont care. there the one thats fucked..so when they start in on me im just like -wooow...im over it yo..now do you wana help me help you?- i love that shit. hahaha so alls well.. anerica..go back and read that.. but is it? you'd better beLieve that theres still something killing me. haha fck perfection baby im all about wrongs. so yeah..the dan life is great..until night falls..and i have nothing but me n my xbox..its so lame..everyone else has lives of there own.. there all somewhat content. and then here i am..Finally right but just not there..man i dont evin Like anybody at the moment..thats so lame..i dont feel like whining about it anymore, evin though thats what ive been wanting to blog about..
so im listening to daft punk.. there so cool.. television.rules the nation. so anyways.. what am i still doing up man...nothin! i have a sleeping problem..hence the wish factor that i had someone to talk to in this down time..im starting again..
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dude seriously!!?? 4259 blog views..thats fckin nutz.. and my profile has like..50500 somethin views..haha ppl come! thats awesome.. so im thinking..since my birthday is(nt) coming up.. and i have a job..im actually gona go to california. i almost went today..at like 2 cuz i was out n about and i got my oil changed..and i have the money for gas..i didnt..for the simple fact that..well idk! haha i think i'd rather have my gps goin when the time comes and its 300. so that's doable.. hahaha thats next on the wishlist..i made a wishlist at work the other day..im still adding to it..but its stuff too look forward to/incentive to keep this job and keep churnin out full time shifts..(cuz im hired part time) shh! so anyways yeah.. now would prolly be a good time to prioritize my list and price everything out..yess! haha so your prolly wondering whats on that list? prolly not huh. but this is my blog so im gona tell you. hahaha
1st is the tom tom go 510 gps navigator..haha as seen above and then tinted windows personalized license plate for natalie. touch up paint for nats. 10' sub for natty.(maybe evin an 8!) and then for the pc! a whole new makeover minus the case a new motherboard videocard soundcard and ram and new speakers! for the pc.. and then after that comes an hd tv! w0o0o and shit hopefully i'll have th computer shit done b4 that so ill be ALL HD'D OUT! and then ill take that room.. the hd setup i was dreaming up.. a good 20-25' maybe 30 if cheap enuf. hd tv. then hook the xbox to it, the pc, dvd player and mount that bitch on a wall.. that room would be the stop-n-shag of the year! HAHAHHAHAHAHAHAH i thought that one off the top.. so after all that.. i Recently changed my biggest goal.. of the sony a100.. to a nikon d40.. i played with em both at ccity..and the d40 is Bitchin yo! the shutter is so..earcandy and the interface is way better then the sony..for once! sony has the sweetest interfaces..hence the psp,w810i and my new dsc T-20 along with a couple other sony items..its all eye candy.. buut the d40 is taking the cake.. and its Super light..lighter then the a100 haha ok..your prolly thinkin 'goddamn dan..save your money!' but thats the beauty of it! i mapped it out bitch! haha evin if i work 60 hr weeks im still alright with the car payment and $100 deposit into my savings.. financial life will be good in a couple months.. almost like the domino days..
speaking of the domino days.. my vickys Actually going to muthafuckin ELKO america..not carson city..not evin pahrump! or evin Reno!!!!!! ELKO!!! shes killin me man..but i gotta support..i love er. we have aLotta memories..im gona miss her..
so anyways..its 3am..and im still talkin to megan..im cuttin her off now..my pc has gone into -tune.up- mode..which means everything slows down cuz windows live one care does the defrag, disk clean, back up, virus scan. ha its beautiful.. so yeah..heres your up-to date blog..as of July 1, 2007 3:00 am bye hoecakes. thanks for reading..
at the end of the day. all you have is yourself.. of course you have friends n family along the way..but if your somewhat like me.. they'll NEVER know whats TRUELY going on in your mind.. i scare myself sometimes with the bullshit that goes on up there.. i wish there was a way to just show.... nah ha.eff that. too much.. i relate to my sister angie SO much its boggling..and thats why when i tell people that im prolly gona lose it some day.. i dont say it just because my sibilings are..slightly off.. but because i relate to my sis angie the Most and shes the most..-out there- it would only make sense... now im not being negative! i think its kinda funny. but its pretty serious.. shes paranoid to hi heaven. haha but better safe then sorry man..and shes in the sorry state. and being safe to prevent any more -sorry- and i learned that early.. trust no one..you just cant..everones diff. now! i trust ppl. just not with some tings. and im entitled to that! everyone is..
my current background on my page is that of vanilla skies... there so gorgeous..at yesterdays game..i was sittin on the bench. and i see the clouds.. they were identical to these that picture is so gorgeous..theres this one by the same artist..its a metaphorical disaster..and i found it online..and its called 'metaphorical journey' .."> that picture is..wordlessly amazing.. i sat and stared at it for 30 minutes at the aladdin..and eventually i was just like damn..i dont get it..hahaha but its still beautiful..and theres so much meaning to it.. fck art!
which brings me to my next thought.. while i was driving home from the aladdin that day because ash suddenly had a diff. ride home. i realized.. i think i enjoy being at a location on the strip..alone. SO MANY people..every second.and btwn now and sometime last november...i find myself spending many hrs walking..somewhere on las vegas blvd. if not outside the in one of the casinos just walking.minding my own and smiling back at the ones that smile at me..life is so diff when alone and in such an environment.. in my home area..i cant go somewhere w.o random complete conversation being made..i love the Best of both worlds. absolute silence on the strip and being treated as an equal around home.. i go down to smiths and do my shopping n what not and acknowledge that there are others in the building and when i go to check out..one of the people ive made eye contact with. looks up at me, smiles and then ask's where i got my hair cut.. i tell him asif ive known him years just where,how, and who and evin how i came to meet my barber. we discuss all of the details and its established that, that will be the next place they get there hair cut, by the same female. and then its a handshake and a smile and off..asif we'd just bumped into eachother.. i love it.. i love being easy to talk to.. because (back to the strip..) i see people that just have that look....that -fuck you,/dont bother me- look and i Bet..theyre as open as i am..you just gota take that extra step to initiate convo..which i dont do. ha.. im in control
and im still alive still kickin still witty still jokin still smiling still Bangin Still cant sleep still being me.. Danny Ray
so im listenin to jack johnson.. and i have seen progression in the past month of my life.. progress in certain areas..i Wish i could just..remember all of the shit that i think and that goes on in my mind..i think of some amazing shit man..and then forget 30 seconds later.. i havent written in about a month..on paper i really should soon.. the results are diff..
so..i seen that homeless person again..the one i named Geno..im changing his name because it no longer fits.. im thinking.. Flint.. so anyways... your Going to think im psychotic for doing this but... thats him.. you gota understand..during school when i would Randomly see him thru the week. ALL in different locations along with the time he sat Right next to me and steph at mc donalds one day before school... that was The area. around the cheyenne campus. so from prolly from feb til may i Always seen him around there. and then today..he walked by my 7-11...it was..just..weird..like..what are the odds that SAME homeless person shows up as often as he does in the most Randomest of places...but thats not evin why im going on..i dont know..that guy isnt like the norm..as i said above..when we were at mc donalds..the guy sat down and ate..peacefully to his own..didnt bother anyone..didnt Look like life was shit..just kept to himself..and whenEver i see him..it just doesnt look like his life fuckin sucks..like ALL of the homeless people i see..and i admire that. fuck it. i do. maybe hes out of his mind and doesnt know any better..but fuck it. of everything i DONT notice in life..i notice that. and yeh..it cant be easy to hold your head up while your homeless. and thats not evin judging..thats being logical.. owell..
moving on. my love-life is.. bachelorishly garbage still that of a bachelor haha fuck it. i have complaints but i already aired those out a few blogs ago...
making banana pancakes, pretend like its the weekend now.
so im playing baseball again..its been Great man..my bodies never ached so much in my life..but theres no way im quittin. aint worth it. one last season to soak it all up man. and then its either sign up for the the league where they play 30-40 yr olds or softball..ewh. hahahaa
anyways.. my first serious -confrontation-....now as you all should know by now..if you dont then wtf. im a laid back person..i dont give a fck..i dont do confrontation man. why? im gona explain why. in my mind..im Always right..as ive explained in past blogs. i think about everything before i do/say. evin if its uneducated..its a decision i made. so when someone says something thats completely wrong..alot of the time ill just let it go..let em go on or ill joke on it and then prove em wrong when they try to argue..which gets to the point. i dont speak up for sake of arguement. well Real/Serious arguement..some people will argue something that theyre completely wrong about and that can lead to something bad..not necessarily life ending but just..uneasy. and i dont like uneasy..i dont do akward. fuck all that. and when i Do argue something. its mostly with someone i know good/well so right or wrong its just for the hell of it. whatever.. so if that made any sense..then there ya go..if not..then you can just observe or whatev..
so the other day my brother chris (Not the one that plays ball. the Next black one adopted b4 me)..the one with the most problems..i swear i love the guy..but Everything that can go wrong..just does with him man..im gona start with the latest. this week his girl and his kids are in georgia for 2 weeks. its just him..and later on this week his car broke down..so he can hardly get to work on time and he doesnt have much money.. and then on top of all that..the man runs out of food.. no car/food/money idk bout you but fuck life at that point! my mother..whom all/most of you should know by now packs up 1/3 of the kitchen and sends me down there to make the drop. leme tell you. it got her worked up in the process. had her in tears n shit and impatient well after she packed the shit. she was all arguin n rushin me....i dont like to be rushed. fuck it. i was gona say i dont like to be pointlessly rushed but i just dont like it period..its rude. im Gona get it done and if its important then ill be there on time! but this situation Didnt matter. his ass wasnt goin nowhere annd i wasnt evin runnin late! i hear her yell "its done..HURRY!' but the tone..the tone just pissed me off. so by the time i get to the kitchen she passes me and says 'you'll do anything just to be awrnry..old school for 'a Dick' and so i say. forget it! You take it then. your pissed at the WRONG person. and shes like 'will you JUST GO!' so i say 'ok im out! ill see you tomoro. i aint comin home with you all like this' and i left.. so were on uneasy terms because of this little..fuss. i drop the food off and he thanks me dearly..i could tell he was crying..bfd. it hurt to see..he tries he really does..it just sucks that he gets picked on by the man upstairs.. SO the day passes
next morning.. hell... i hear him yelling..(my bro)im like -oop! hes at it again- and i roll over to go back to sleep and i see reese walk by..and i realize he's never seen this..so im like shit..and i get up and go to the front room to once again witness something thats been going on for at least..5 yrs now? just doesnt happen as often anymore so we were just shaking it off. he'd say something comPletely off the walls and were like ok man shit just leave. he leaves comes back and says More off the walls shit slams the door leaves. comes back the process repeats for a good 15-30..
well...this last time he comes back its the same -you dont understand what i go thru. no one understands me. i hate my life. you guies dont know what its like.- and so on and so i go to my room..i can tell its dying down.. and my mom says -oh sure we dont! we havent for the last 5 yrs youve been saying this shit- and hes like -fuck you. you guies are such horrible parents- and storms out..
thats where it starts me-oh FUCK that shit! mom&dad-oh shit. danny no!
i go outside me- man..who the FUCK sent you food last night? bro-fuck you! dont you fuckin start! me-thats Fuckin bullshit! there the best parents you could EVER have been blessed with. quit bein such a bitch! him- FUCK YOU! YOU DONT FUCKIN UNDERSTAND! NOBODY AROUND HERE LOVES ME! me-FUCK THAT SHIT! MOM SENT HALF OUR GODDAMN KITCHEN TO YOU LAST NIGHT MAN THATS ALL LOVE MAN him-man FUCK YOU! throws a little water bottle at me. somehow all the waters got me covered me- MAN WHO THE FUCK DROVE THAT FUCKIN FOOD TO YOU! I COULDA SAID FUCK IT AND LEFT YOU TO DIE! him- 'gets in my face' FUCK YOU! me- MAN YOUR FUCKED! IM DONE -i attempt to push him away- he doesnt budge so i slide in the garage and let the door close he kicks it..pretty damn good str8 contact with my thumb.
and hes gone. over..
i actually spoke up. i didnt plan on doing/saying what i did..something just came over me.. im ALWAYS in control. and i wasnt for those 2 seconds of whatever took me outside and i was back in control as soon as i started talkin.
it amazed me..it proved to me that i can actually perform when on the spot in a confrontational situation like that.. now dont get the idea that things are crazy around here..things were back to normal 10 min. after all that. im fine. and so is he
its 4:12 and its dark and jack johnson is calming.. i wish i could sleep on command like a few ppl i know..but then..i guess i should be greatful for being..knocturnal.. i come up with some interesting ideas..at these obscene times of the..night/morning and people like the shit i come up with..
thats just further inspiration to keep on..being me
Danny Ray..
it is 4:22 am and i admire you for reading.. thank you.. have a nice day i appreciate you!
for just a day..maybe more.. i wish i could switch lives with someone thats less fortunate as me.. if you think that sounds-seems arrogant then you should click the back button about 3 times.. really though..i think it would help man..and plus im pretty unsatisfied with the way things are going at the moment no negativity going on..just i want somethin different..altogether im so..i dont know man.. that question..-hows life- fuck..im alive aint i? thats all that counts..im so done with that question man..are you expecting me to make it seem asif everythings going deLightful? well it is..im still alive and thats all that counts..as for the way things are going? im over it
hows your life going? i lied
please dont question me after reading this.. i promise im just fine. still. its just 426am and i dont know whats on my mind.. thank you i love you
i am here.. jobless with no clue what to do with myself.. while all of my friends are growing up..the right way yes your right. if i werent so picky..then i could have a job Months ago.. but no..fuck that yeah to hell with that im not settling for anything less than.. less than what you ask? am i saying that im too good to work some places? no im saying that if i dont feel/think i'll enjoy working there in the future months then fuck it. im not doing it sorry. im against waking up and dreading going to work..feeling like im slaving.. sure i havent when i worked. but no i want to feel happy to be where i am at for the shifts im working. i want to be Happy and ok about putting in overtime..
for me..its the thought that someday..sometime..somehow..i will end up in new york..i dont care what you have to say for or against it..none of it will change the fact that the way things currently are..it just cant happen..theres so much here that i just cant leave yet..that i dont want to leave..but someday someday..i will be ready..
i dont hate liars, fakes, or haters liars..its fun to watch them do it. and evin better to catch them in it. what do they do? they play stupid or they backout. and its fun for me to watch..because i predict what there gona say, then do, and then there reaction... my own personal pleasure..i thank those of you that lie to me..there aint many anymore because ive pretty much established that im pretty laid back and can handle what you throw at me.. but i do admire those that do..its kinda amazing.. theres a quote from abe lincoln that i ran into a LONG time ago and it stuck with me "No man has a good enough memory to be a successful liar." -Abe Lincoln its brilliantly true! because thats how i catch every one that comes my way..if I keep track for you..then Ill know that your bullshittin.. its simple. you cant bullshit a bullshitter. and trust me. i can bullshit..i do mildly but not SERIOUSLY. i have a few lies that are SERIOUS..more like one and ive tested it..as long as you follow thru..then your FINE. ive told a select few what happened..and til this day..no one knows the truth.. thats alot of info to leak to the people...but its real..and im not holdin back in this one..anyways! yeah i think that now your conscious to that little snippit of info about what goes on in my mind..
moving on
fake ppl..WHEW your my favorite..when i say your..i dont mean ANYone in spacific. just those people that are fake..they dont know it..some do..they just see it as being nice..or sweet. and they think that they wont hesitate to start some shit..fakes..dont fake the funk..why front? no one is alone in this world..just be you. if people dont like you. then great! fuck em they may be missing out on a great genuine person if you were one. cuz if you try to be the Coolest person Ever all around..your gona get burned yo. fuck it. do You and you'll fall into your crowd. and when your in your crowd you shouldnt have to worry about things and you dont have to lie about how you Really feel about that person.. im rambling.. im confused with my words in that subject as of now..
Hating...i really dont have any haters..i mean..im SURE theres someone out there..but..i dont know about it..and i feel that i should be an example to those that stress over the things people do and say about them.. not saying that im perfect, just stating that i take criticizm as room for improvement
-what doesnt kill you, only makes you stronger..- think about it! if someone says some shit to or about you..whats bad about that? criticizm is good! get over it. if someone has negativity to say about you. what can you do about it? argue it, fight over/about it. or just dwell on it. how far/what good is that gona do you? NONE if you win the fight or whatever..then you feel great for a little bit..but if whatever they said was true..then after its all over n done..whatever they said..is still true. and THEN what! they win..because your stressing over it all over again.. so what can you do in the BEGINNING..shit improve. take what they say and use it against them..improve on whatever they had to say. dont fight it..if it isnt true, then have them prove whatever it is theyre stating or get a public opinion. that way if you think it isnt true..and others do..then take that and move on..asin either ignore it or make it better. -what doesnt kill you, makes you stronger- so whatever they have to say..sure as shit aint gona kill you man. therefore whatever they say negativly..you take that as motivation to improve and make it so they dont have shit to say.. i think im talking in circles now..
l8
so i came back..i have more to say
as for me! in other peoples minds..(the fact that i sugarcoat and think before i say therefore reformatting my words..) im fake. ive had a few approach me about that being fake. No..i think not player. if your not a close friend of mine or one that i trust i can be real to and not worry about offending/hurting feelings.
then i speak easy. therefore i will tell you what you want to hear. why do it!? because i Really learned from my mistakes.. and some of them have been saying things i shouldnt have said to people that i dont know well enough/cant take the truth and then i spend more time explaining my way out of what i said when they could really just suck it up and take what i said as constructive criticizm.
thats why.. fuck it. a good percentage of the time. i know what your gona say..yeeah my home is in my head.. all day when im not talking..im running conversations thru my mind..analyzing what will happen if/when i said what
im tired of sitting thru ppl whining over what I said because they cant handle the fact that its True. read that closer. i didnt say im tired of sitting thru ppl whining. ill sit n listen to you and say what i have to say. i enjoy it because Everyone needs someone to talk to..its natural BUT if your talking..and you ask my opinion on something. and were not good enough friends for you to know that i WILL give it to you straight.. then im gona sugarcoat / reformat whatever i have to say so that you can swallow it and not end up WAAY off subject and asking me to explain what i said so that i can only back out of it and make you feel better. eff that. its boring.
im here to listen on aim OFTEN. and oftenly friends come to me with issues or just to talk or most of the time..vent.
I-LOVE-IT. because im glad I can help.
cuz there are some people out there that feel they have no one to talk to.. and those are the ones that are in trouble..its a shame..they do pretty bad things..and just write about it. and then when everythings all said n done..only thing left is there journal/diary..
so anyways..im open wound..if you have something to say. ill listen. i dont judge i just plain ass dont do it.. i dont try not to judge.. i just dont. i cant see someone any differently because they did/said something that doesnt abide by normal folks.. and when the time comes for my opinion on something..if im comfortable enough. then ill give it to you straight..and after ive done it. you ask questions behind my reason for saying what i said. and i'll give that to you straight. and the only thing left to do after that is run with it and do what you need to..which is improve..if you chose not to then thats your decision.. eventually you'll learn from your mistake if your making on in the process......
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Bullshit! and hes like nah foreals! and i go find the laptop and ring it up and shure nuff he dropped that shit to 649..i almost shit..not really but still.
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