Wednesday, July 23, 2008

Fck Censory

Self Censory and Public Censory
and as far as what ive got to say about it.

fx Censory: but yi know.. i do it.
im discluding myself when i say 'we' here..
we as humans cannot handle the full on truth. and i think its rediculas but its a way of life.
i keep it real but to an extent. and that extent is my conscience knowing how they'll take what i have to say. and so i alter my words.
its a shitty reality but what can i for public censory..i hate it but it sux because we Have to do it.. without the blurring of some words or actions or there would be a lawsuit.. lawsuits are fucking garbage. shits not evin serious anymore. i wont go into that. i dont evin know where i was at..
all in all not complaining. just expressing

censoring your words for a persons feelings is garbage.
the end

i had to come back to this one because i notice that now i am doing it WAY more than ever and its fckn stupid. wth am i doing? BUT at the same time, i know just what i am doing.

fck it

Monday, July 14, 2008

i took one laast good look arooound

so many unusual sounds

whats up world.
its been a few months eh?
shit is well.
ive been wanting to blog or a few months now. haha but was never compelled..
i doubt this'll even be a good one. haha idk
wth's up?
im still me man, how about you? haha yeh
the wifeology comes home in like 10 muddafckn hours! yayyaya im very excite! haha
man..april was like the last time i blogged? shhiiittt!!
haha so much so little its all the same.
im on my new Photobucket imac gFIZZLE!. so amazingly worth the Dough man. i tossed 4g of ram in this bitch with the AMAZING help from newegg. and i have 2 externals attached n what not. this bitch is a powerhouse. hahahahha im gonna stop referring to it as a bitch because it quite a nice device..hahahahahh anyways.
since the purchase i have become so much more productive in editing that im thinking about putting this blog on pause and then just posting everything ive edited/re-edited because i have learned over the course of the last few months that people actually enjoy my shit. and thats all i need to keep me goin..thank you to all that have said something positive about my 'pointless photography'. thats what i call it for now because i do it for -the people-
so still workin at cshitty. its gettin pretty shitty there. but the people are more amazing than ever. they really are another family to tend to. haha yehh, i needa new job. and its crazy how att has ALMOST become another apple situation..shits crazy. hahah pretty cool..but then at the same time depressing. haha but moving on.

so ive been watching Photobucket and im in fckn season 6 part 2 and MAN oh Muthafckn MAN! this show is amazing!!!! hahahaah wooow SO well prolly gonna wanna watch the whole series again after im done cuz now i Hella know alll thats going on man. SO amazing. hahaha its awesome to watch it now too that its all over, so i dont have to wait til nxt week to see a new epi. haaha YESS. ahha but nah. im thinkin im gonna get started on 30 rock after i finish the sopranos..haha tv is Fresh in HD. haha yehh..
so yeh.. whats the stitch? im listening to common, america..i love that guy. haha "no homo" that phrase is garbage. but pretty pop. thanks to lil wayney.

whelp im running out of unimportant things to talk about..haha
which brings me to whats Most important..
my goddess.
haha your All dying to meet her. i know. and i understand.
your time Will come! i promise! because she'll be around for my forever. haha and thats a guarantee until decided otherwise. shes the most definite keeper around these parts of the veg. haha, no really though, she is perfect quality grade A+ 100% woman. and im Madd lucky to have her. the shits crazy snig. she comes home tomorrow around noon and shes gonna spend time with her fam. the right thing to do. but tmoro night, if things go right she'll be mine for a little. and MAN! im gonna show her so much love. i have spent the last 2 weeks just trying to occupy my time with this, that, and the third and EVERYsingleTHING that i have done. she was on my mind. everything from sitting here editing, to watching shit, to cooking shit, to driving somewhere, to grocery shopping, to people watching, to Ultimately just hanging with friends..its funny, becuase for the last 2 weeks people ask me 'so how are you and your gf?' or 'so wheres your gf?" and im all 'effin Scotland yoe!!' theyre like wth? and then i explain that shes scottish and columbian and then its ALLL good from there :) haha. a Gorgeous mix she is. shit man, we have our little disputes. but shit ill be Damned if they dont make us THAT much stronger. granted us being THE strongest couple out there at the moment. ill stand by that statement with the certain stipulations that come into play that im Def. not getting into here. hahaa all im saying is, if you dont know, then dont worry about it :) haha. but anyways..ManohMan..that girl..she whispered that Astonishing 3 word combination, when she kissed me goodbye before she left and shit..i broke! haha
ALLLL that shit i talk about love and it being the devil and all that negative jazz.. well ill still talk it! haha but i Guarantee that im just telling you that to be humorous. haha because shit. im a sucker for love at the moment..the shit feels good and i am in love with Ms. Sarah E. Canon haha Yess! just like that..haha but not falling blindly here, thats for damn sure. i have had the last 6 years of my life to think about the right person for me, and everything there is to me allowing myself to fall in love with someone and man..that girl..My Dame :) haha, she is it. and i am greatful that i never rushed into anything with anyone for the sake of being burned out on love like many others that are out there..
shit. i feel bad, yanno? that fckn sucks. but all i have to say about that is, patience is everything there is to that. you cant go Find the person thats right for you.. just watch flavor of love and maybe you'll get what im saying?
nah. i doubt it. haha i just compared finding your 'one' to mthafckn flavor of love. haha but really. think about it. searching for the 'one' can be disastrous,uneventful and possibly deeply heartbreaking search, only to find out that its a SICK world out there and then lose faith that there isnt someone out there for you..
nah fck that. theyre there. they just dont know it, and you dont either. you just gotta let that shit happen..haha ok ok im done here. im not gonna sit n tell YOU how to live..haha were all different and im not one for dictation..although i live in america. hahahah

Otherwise was Decided. in the beginning of august.
i lost out big time eh

watch it. and if you still stand by this country....
whelp. im not a politic. GO
YESSS! hahaha you wanna know what got my vote?

YESS! that-is-my-SHIT! hahahhahahahhahah
and then there was the monumental

WHEW! my man barack.. haha. so yeh..i am voting for him because hes hip. otherwise, i dont really care.
oh no! maybe you should read it again? because i dont. it isnt a big deal to me. but like i tell myself before ever getting into it, im no politic.
i digress :)

so i started this blog at 2:20 am, and it is now 4:13 and i have found myself going back and editing a buncha shit for this slideshow that i am soon to present to you folks :)
its nothin amazing..i see now that i only have like 40 pics? thats kinda daffy, but owell. my collection shall build..


so fish lake is coming up pretty soon..and i actually dont want to go this year..and im really leaning towards not doing so..haha but at the same time i feel guilty, and would rather avoid the shit that i will get for the next 2 years of my life for deciding against it. yeh im a pushover. but i dare you to take advantage ;) haha
BUT on the flip...the photology would be MAD Ill if i were to actually take this far that is the only benefit of doing so..other than that..the family..but thats not much of a benefit anymore because its all..idk..paper smiles and bland conversation and opportunities to do work on my open box phenom that doesnt exist anymore..haahahha ok ok my fam isnt horrible or anything! im greatful to have em all..but when it comes to fam events..i think im just gonna find something else to do.. haha but then at the same brother is the shit. hahahh i love that man. i never really realized up until recently that, that man plays a MAJOR part in my life, although i only see him but once or twice ever week or so. but man its like the ice cream man! hahaah

hahahah ok its not that serious..but at the same time. haha i Love his presence.. man.
hes 12 years older than me right? haha so back in the day..he was 17, and i was 5..and he was going thru his hs years, and i was up and coming....and we had to sleep in the same bed n shit..hahaha maan oh man..he had funny relationships..
but i digress..haha

so dude! check out this myspace app
http://www. myspace. com/music_app
its bloody brilliant to me because i like that people can see what im listening to at this very moment. haha idk. it keeps me goin like a snickers.. yeh..hmm....
whats up america? nm here, you?
whos all excited for school coming up?
im sure not! hahaha
i actually Really dont want to go back, and am still debating..
so im thinking ill fill the fafsa, and if they send money then ill think about taking a class, and if not, then i wont go..
i Really Really dont want to go back..its such an inconvenient waste of time..i know i said all this last semester, but now that i think about it..i hate doing stuff i dont want to and this is something that i feel pretty strongly about. haha idk. its just a waste..i dont know what i want to be! i dont want an associates in graphic design, or photography or many others. i understand! people want to see me excel in photography. but at the same time..i have come to realize now that photography is an art,Photobucket even for people like me that arent SUPER FCKN 1337 at the shit like
and someday i Will make money from it. But for now.
practice makes perfect ;) and i have a Major issue with being told what to take pictures of, Despite my 'style' and then having to be critiqued on it. i LOVE criticism. it can Only make you better. but then in that situation..its like..telling Andy WarholPhotobucket to draw some shit thats more of a Van Gogh type of ordeal. now im not comparing myself to ANYTHING NEAR any of them. but the situation, i feel relates easiest to that. and i dont support the pursuit of something that tells me that im Certified in the art of such. yanno?
shit i say ~if you got it, then you got it~
but til then. im still gettin it. haha
BUT! at the same time..i dont wana be looked down upon, or disappoint anyone in that sense
and be looked at/thought of as a quitter.
now you all know me. i could give a fuck less what you think. unless your some people.
so its all whatever. BUT when it comes to college..i feel..idk. i feel that it makes folks feel warm at the hear to hear that a young black man is in college and doing something for his future, and im not being stupid. i really have seen a difference in reaction from people when they hear that im in school as oppose to hearing someone else declare that they are..
but then i have also realized that they all tell me its ok that i dont know what i want to be..
but in reality, the shit isnt ok. im chasing a dream that doesnt exist. haha but then ALSO at the same time. i accepted the fact that i dont have a dream 2 whole years ago when i realized that life isnt that serious to Make myself find something that i think ill like doing in the future, and then Chase that and concur it. that aint me man. i like living and life is what im gonna do.
what does life consist of? breathing and thinking, and then you expand from that.
breathing is something i am greatful of for the 20 years ive been known. and as far as thinking?
shit. i think that i would do exCeptional, working for a corporation that is Photobucket. i like everything about em. even the iphone, which i dont care too much for. Dont get me wrong, its an amazing phone. but its not all that.
moving on.
haha i have been trying to get into at&t since i was 16 and i am now damn near 20 and i know that i dont have what it takes to pass that pesky personality quiz. i know right?
haha so its not in my hands. it really isnt. the one thing i want most right now, is in someone else's hands and im not gonna push them because hes a big brother to me just like my big bro..hahah but his best friend.. SO stuck at ccity with hopes to get a txt or a call from the big guy with good news.
until then!
im interested in a bank job. haha i reached out to megan, that would be call.
and fedex kinkos seems like a funny place to work. therefore i apply every couple months. haahha Damn i suck at getting jobs..
ive only gotten 1 of my 3 on my own, and you know which that was?
hollister. hahah im SURE you can guess why that was cake..
aww..i miss the domino days Photobucket
:) hhaha what a young bitch i was..hs was Everything
so i seen jimmy n meg last night. aMAZING. haha it felt so good. blainer was busy, but hey. we'll get em next time.
they waited like 2 fckn hours in the ccity pkg lot for me while i had a store meeting after 8. wtf right? haha but yeah man. we kicked it at the 24 hour starbucks and damn..that was great. much needed time spent with 2 vip in my life coming up.

SO. wheres that leave me? i think i have taken care of all the going on's from the last 3 months? shit..but im gonna think about it.
haha. so i love my blackjack 2 right?
haha i promise i love it! but its time for a new one..mines been dropped a bit too much..
and as a heads up on my nexty :DDD
the Whackberry Bold. hahha
it doesnt come out til later on this year.
but hey! thats what the bidness is. hahaha me spoiled. i work for all this shit so blow on these Dice!

oOH oooh OOH!!!!!
:DDDD YESSS!!!!!!!! WERE ALL VERY EXCITE!! the Whole psg WILL be getting down. i will do work. hahahah
im still a bitta of a nerd..quite prouda it also :)
and speaking on that subject :)
heres some apparel that i am currently interested in investing, but i prolly wont for the time being.
so for starts :@
i know, i know




i consider this one cultured..hahahahaha

and my fav. of 2008!
and dont you Dare tell me im not! :)
so yeah...thats where the interest currently lies..
maybe that'll be my next creddy purchase after the imac is paid in full. ahhaha
oh dont GET me into the credit talk :)
haha i love that shit..
leme tell you man. im getting closer to that amx. haha but i must admit
Photobucket is quite pleasing!
i wont discuss my score because im not gonna be an asshole about it. but the interest rate i have but is YAYUHHHH status. haha 3.9!!!! shhiiiit i went from 21 to 18 to 3? i love this shit. hahahaa so yeah man. a Sick paying new job is all that is needed and ill be ON the way towards that tundra :)) hahaha and a prius for the gal ;)) hahahhahaa okokok
ive gone on too long here. you guies have a day to live!
alrighty then!
iloveyou all. thank you for living and being a part of my life somehow, being that you've read this. i appreciate you for taking the time annnd i will TRY to keep you all more updated than 3 months deep. haha it isnt fair to you or myself, because it Will be amazing to come back and read all this in 10 years n sht..haha
til next time :)
later days dood