Monday, May 4, 2009

im in my mthafckn prime

these are the days ill Definitely remember when im 40 and my seeds are doggin me for the way i dance. hahahah but thats FINE WITH ME! ill out dance the shit out of them. in an old school fashion! haha
everything is so bomb right now ad i REALLY REALLY want to share it all with someone that'd be my 'it' girl for the time being. haha
but fckit! anyways

im on mthafckn Fire!
check me out man







DUDE! hahaha youv gotta understand though. i dont get drunk! Photobucket
i just Buzzz it up and then dance it all off. im not frontin. hahaaha
drunk is new years and i was dizzy and throwing up. haha i dont go that far.
not until my bday at least. hahah yesss!!!!!!!

so anyways!
fck! i never thought id be where i am now.
working at a credit union, wearing a tie.
hahahaa partying damn near weekendly

DUDE! speaking of. haha 2 weeknds ago i barely came home!! it was SOOO raddd! haha gah it was magical in a sense, and i was SOO drained by monday but all i could think was 'fuck. i just lived!' haha its allll good! haha ive got SOOOO MUCH MORE TO SAY! but idk what/how to say it anymore!!!!!

fuuck. ive been spending like STUPID. asif im not suffering from this recession myself.. but hell...i just know how to save my money for what i want thats all. hahaha
so yeah.......
my back to ny trip is in the works!
and its lookin Stupid! hahahaha
i just paid off my epic one weeker.
and now part 2 is in production!
but this time ill be goin with thee broglia boys :)

them be mah boyzz. haha godbrothers thanks to papa richard and mama B!

man oh much family means to me!
its disgusting how much! haha im greedy with fam baby! haah ill take ALll the fam i can get!!! i love being a part of something as amazing as family. its damn near euphoric..

but anyways..
the last trip costed me

for a Photobucket round trip
and a week here at the

Gorgeous hole in the wall. aka Hotel Riverside Studios
on W. 71st Street, 10023

but sofar the plan in talks
is lookin like
$304.20 for around trip via
and then staying at
the Loews New York. for half the price???

haha but we'll HELLA have to see about that one!
iiidk.  not much is set in stone yet. but i know for damn sure ill be going in that area.

so yeah....
i have SO MUCH TO SAY IN MY BLOGS when i think about them while driving my natalie. but now that im here..haha i gots nthn...
ive realized though that i speak alot more about whats going on.
and i dont like it.
straight up. haha im doing what i dont support doing. which is talking about me. id rather listen to Your shit because its so much more important. haha
i hate talking because then one wants to help..comforting words..which are just unnecessary.. its all the same...I AM VERY GREATFUL for everything my people provide me..
but rather just deal with sht my own way. because im pretty done hearing 'just wait, she'll come along' or 'you can do so much better' or 'i cant help but run' fck all of that shit.
man up i say. hahahahha
but i musn't go into that. i wouldnt want to offend.. haha
thats not my fort'e ;)
but i would like to vent my frustrations with females..
i bet you would like me too now wouldnt you?

but nope.
not gonna happen because then history will just repeat itself as it has with ones in the past few months.
so im gonna leave it with. fck the confusion bs. leave me alone

so anyways.
music! MUSIC! is on its shit right now!
haha i do believe hip hop is back :)

i mean we have

Kid Cudi (yes, hes the reason i own a fedora ;) )
and he is Dope at what he does. haha
he is the latest business next to the cool kids..they were my 1st 'awwh man!' sht!
and now i have him to coincide with. haha

get the Cudi shit right here america
A Kid Named Cudi


Dat Kid from Cleveland


and then i have theeee Cool Kids. and they just represent alot of i stand for..
Originality hahahahaha

:) idk how to start..theyr just so amazing haha

so fckit! i say just download some shit!

Gone Fishing

That's Stupid


thee Bake Sale (that one youd have to buy, or ask me for :)

:) haha so thats enough promotion for now..
although a few honorable mentions that i feel should be publicized would have to be:

first i have to say q-tip: the Renaissance
is some STRAIGHT hip hop sht..its amazing. i sleep to that sht and bump it in the mornings

next comes (MF) Doom: Born Like This
gah..this IS dooms album! haha oh my gave me chills when i first heard it! i went from a doom fan to a fckn doom enthusiast! hahaha

and 3rd is a simple cd. but SO much better than i believe its getting the attention for
and that one is

88 Keys: the Death of Adam
haha classic shit. handcuff em is currently my ringtone! haha
but other than that..its a bomb ass cd with a comedic sex theme to it.

so thats enough for music!
where do i go from here!

so i totally just got home from hanging out with my newly acquired friends.
acquired through all of these damned parties ridge throws. and i must say. it felt good to hang and kick it with new faces.

its funny. ive been doing this blog since i got home from work around 6ish. haha it is now 11 and i still feel like i havent said enough..

so this new cool kids tape is so fckn dope..the whole thing in its whole. haha its nuts.. i love cds that i can bump the whole way though.
like last nights commit this to memory..
or panics fever you cant sweat out..
and qtips renaissance..

haha Renaissance is such a cool word..

so yeah..
where am i?
i am on top like a Fedora.
oh god i love that fckn hat. haha
and SOO does everyone else :) its a slutty hat. haha but i love the attention it gets.
everyone wants to try it on. and shit. Most of the people that do, look good in it!
haha im suprised that i Still have it! haha because i never wanted to buy of my own because it wouldnt mean as much to me as it would if i'd simply 'borrowed' it from a friend. haha and thats what i think is gonna happen with this one. but thats thee beauty of it!
someday. most likely it'll be a female. is going to wear it. and at the end of the night she'll be like please let me just take it home i promise ill give it back!
and of course ill say yes..why not? haha and then she will. and from there.
it can either: be something that she'll keep forever and every time she wears it someone will compliment her on it and she'll remember the night she acquired it.
her best friend will lift it from her and so on. and the hat will see more in life than i have. haha
which is also fine with me..that stuff interests me! yanno?
jst what if! what if one day i run into a nobody. someone id never seen in my life. someone i just plain ass run into. at a mall or at fckn... smiths haha and i say hey nice hat :) andit runs though my mind 'that is JUST like the hat i had' and ill think of alll of the memories behind it, and then be on with my life as normal.
only for them to say thank you! and then remember allll of the memories that they have through that same hat..

impossible stupid and farfetched. i know. but owell! haha i can think SO much deeper than that.
haha trust me..
alls i ever do is think..hell i officially over think shit.
ive messed up simple commands at work because it just seemed too easy and i thought about a logical way to do it and ended up FUCKIN shit up! haaha
which is okay with me...i like knowing and being aware of alll of the outcomes to an issue..i believe ive touched on this in previous blogs..but who reads those anyways? haha
so isnt like seeing the future..its more of...letting one thing lead to another in your mind.. like a playbook. possibilities and situations..

my eyes are blaring..and now its time to move on. haha
hmm..its 1130 now my readers.

so ive removed the biggest obsticle in my life in the last month and ill tell you..its been fckn crazy, its hard to go from texting one ALL day to nothing..only to start doing it again with others..but just not as....not as good. that person is definitely irreplacable..but thats fine..i just wont.. i just need to find a better alternative.

but sheesh. haha ill tell you! no one is biting.
i swear im cursed. cursed with being too... idk.. not shitty.
ive had many conversations with one about why id be an okay choice to..idk be with i guess? and can only see it as a waste of time when i see how uninterested they are.

i wont go into it. haha its funny. i can talk about ANYTHING in life.. but i hate talking about my love life because its so stupid and pitiful.
i still do least as i can..but it just shows. haha ive changed a smidge. but im okay with it in a sense. id just rather not talk about it at all. that way when i DO share with someone..its a bit more special because then maybe they'll understand how much it takes to get...'in'? i guess? idk. i dont have defensive walls..i just dont feel the need to share certain things with someone thats just going to listen to what i say and be done with it..
thats a waste to me. id rather confide with one and leave it in their hands to realize that im really worth a try.. im not a salesman, and the last thing im going to sell is myself..
ill let who i am do all the talking. fck an act. and folks seeem to like me? but never fail to present 'you deserve better' and 'just wait for her'
1. who are you to judge?
2. im not exactly dating around am i?
now i sound ungrateful..haha and thats not the case.. ive only heard that since the beginning of high school. haha
ive just realized that i went into it a bit! hahaha OVER IT!!!!!
is how i feel about it! :)

so ANYWAYS! gah im hungry man. haha i weigh 154-156 lately! haha i see a difference btwn 156 and 150! haha i fill out my tank top a little bit more..hahahaha
and NO i dont sit and stare at a mirror all day...theres just one in front of the damn toilet...hahaah awkward? haha oh i know it. hahahhaaha but owell. its only comedy

sooo..i totally ebay'd a ps3 the other day! haha got the bitch used for aint all that serious..i just REALLY REALLY want to play mlb 09...

haha i may know what your thinking....
and i say fckoff! haha i know how to save..thats all. and american express has a pretty cool rewards system..but owell. haha you can think whatcha want. thats the fun part :)

so whats probably feel like your wasting your time. but thats okay! i appreciate you reading my bullshit. you may have learned something about me that you would have never found out verbally? maybe ive confirmed something for you? or maybe your bored at work or home and seen that i posted a blog and decided to see what was going on in my world..either way! i appreciate your time. your radd. annd...i think im almost done here..

so been working on a list lately. its a me list..and i treat it like a little notepad that wallflowers jot on whenever they have an intriguing thought..haha but it goes into thee bold
i call it the Fact Sheet:
Danny Ray _ Born on September 1, 1988. a Thursday
· I’m a push over

· I don’t judge

· I don’t do bestfriendship

· I’m pickier than you

· I’m not whats considered 'normal'

· I do what the fck I want

· I still don’t really know myself

· Simply lemonade is my anti drug

· Kanye makes a lot of sense in my life

· I live off of everything bad for you

· Im uninspired and ok with it for the most part

· I’m random. But funny sometimes

· I’m hopelessly hopeful

· I talk a lot. But not to hear my own voice. I just have a lot to say

· I don’t party alot (but i still do)

· I keep to myself

· I give advice and honest input when asked for it

· i dont take my own advice

· I hate outfits with 50 diff colors that all end up matching.

· I say things, just to say them

· I’m afraid of what can happen in the dark, in certain context

· I take pride in being an amex member

· I’m still shy when it comes to females

· Comic books and technology get me off

· I get over shit quickly

· I still geekout to marvel and other nerdy things

· I show my true colors and hide nothing at all times for the sake of deception

· I gets down to old school

· Facial hair is one of the coolest parts of my life

· My cunty cat and I have thee greatest in existence btwn 2 life forms

· My iPod and cellular phonezi are my children

· I don’t hold myself any higher than any human other being. unless they are just..unacceptable

· I’m a whiteboy at heart

· I have an addiction to candy. I do it for the taste..

· I live to music lines and movie quotes

· I mumble in sarcasm and wit

· I live my life based on family and spontaneous decisions

· I do believe that all of my worthless struggles will one day pay off..

· My train of thoughts on a fast track

· I lose my train of thought in an instant

· I’m easy to get along with

· I’m making this list as I go adding things as I think of them/ or as im told

· I hate love in a loving way

· I like taking and editing pictures with no cause

· I’m convinced I’m built for better things

· I suck at pursuing things that matter most

· Time is a pain in the ass

· Growing up is lame

· Taking life too seriously isn’t fun

· Fun comes first.

· I like smiling

· I’m broke

· I’m quite contradictory

· I love american apparel in a non indie fashion

· My favorite animal is the chameleon.

· Nothing suprises me anymore

· I spend too much time in my head

· I don’t really have anything to live for besides my family

· I suck at sleeping

· My fav. Color is heathered grey

· I’m a basic and boring person

· I’ve been depressed before, and I’m never going back

· I dance and rock out in my car. Frequently

· I can appreciate anyone that represents the struggle and isn’t victim to it

· If I consider you my people then I’m out to take care of you if when and how I can

· Funfetti is happyness in food form

· Experience is my best teacher

· I’m too nice for my own era

· I’m the one to run from

· I support the Old School to the fullest

· I love to help

· I think that I can be a genuine person

· I’ve become quite conflicted lately

· i wish i were an important artist

· I bloody love cinnamon

· I do pointless shit when I’m lonely, like drive around vegas, and wonder smiths for no reason

· Living in new york is the only True dream that I have, my heart belongs there

· I’d give anything to be able to roam the streets of manhattan and brooklyn again

· I’d rather just lay with someone all day

· im a slimfit skinnyboy

· I hate believing in love

· I hate being told that I don’t understand

· I hate conversations involving politics and religion

· I don’t have a type. just preferences

· I’m easy to please.

· It prolly isn’t worth it

· When I say I’m over it, I’m prolly not

· I don’t believe in building my hopes

· I’ve been let down a whole lot

· I love sex

· Truth is: I don’t think it’ll ever hit me that I won’t ever see my Mother again..

· fact: i wish i had someone to call mine

· i have big hands

· Sometimes I just don’t care yanno?

· Fact is: I hate independence

· There is no method to my madness

· I don’t like being an asshole, but I have no issue with being one if need be

· I like to play fight

· I lost my ass along with my weight

· I work hard for the things I want

· I’m a happy person with the occasional kick in the nuts

· I don’t do religion

· I don’t do politics

· I think pocket lint is funny

· im a 20 something

· im a Midnight Marauder

· i know alot of people

· Daily showers bug me

· im a Photographer :)

· im a thinker

· i can be difficult

· i can be stubborn

· i can be cold hearted

target is my domain

i built my own credit

i love grittiness in art form

I hate the ‘standards’ that play a role in my life

I’m simple

I’m flamboyant. but i def love vagina..

I’m another statistic

I’m fascinated with schizophrenia and other mental disorders

My hands are for keyboards and lovin

I buy shit to fill empty spaces that re-occur

I’ve come a long way in 20 yrs

I’m diverse

The killers hit closest to home

i fucking love music

i cant swim

im a character

its fun to read back on this shit because i really dont know myself that well when it comes to things about me. haha its funny when someone tells someone about me. infront of me..and im like damn! thats SO true! hahaah. well i felt kinda stupid one time bcause well....some of this shit i should just know! haha
so now i jot it and then post it to my tumblr
it feels good to go back and read them and just...remember the origin of all of those entries..

so you want to know something that means a Million to me?
people look at me so screw faced when i say that out loud..
really though?
get over it. life is its easy. you just fucking live..
tragedies and happiness are just more parts that make 'life' what it is..
'life' is so damned overrated. people take shit soooo seriously! haha
it sucks..i did at one point and fuck that. i aint going back. haha i felt so locked up in everything that i needed an escape...
i go to new york for a week and 7 months down the still speechless of the experience..
liberating doesnt even touch on it..
and not to quote drop but.. its from fight club..
it was in the beginning.."And then, something happened. I let go. Lost in oblivion. Dark and
silent and complete. I found freedom. Losing all hope was freedom."
that quote has allllllways followed me though my life since i seen the movie the 2nd time. haha theres a MILLION quotes in that flick that follow..but that one is the most relevant at that time..
i lost all hope and i booked a one man trip to the big apple. 'the city that'll make or break you' it isnt what it sounds like..i got called crazy for the month before and months after it..look man... to be able to go out there and just live my life for a week.. interacting with unknowns..
dude. i fckn do that out here almost on a nightly basis when not on the clock..but here its 'reality' and when reality is a bitch then you gotta get out! i was fckn depressed!
hahaha im Never fckn going back!!!!!!
i have one scar in my life and i appreciate it..but ill never appreciate the cause of it.
i am whom i want to be now and to think ive reached that at this age?
im good. man. life is ahead of me now.. always has been. but im done caring about the future.. 'the future freaks me out'
the future just isnt as important as whats going on right now. im gonna sound like a 40 year old but ill be damned if it aint true!
if your too busy worrying about the future then before you know it, it'll be too late to turn around and enjoy everything.
Damnit i love everything right now. and for the ones that dont...
gah..if i could just be you for a week and fckn Let go? put some fuckit in your system? then id be Alll over it! because stressing shit just isnt worth it..
-yeah thats easy to say coming from you- well it is..but fck you if you want to take away what i Have struggled for. get off it. because of all the struggles that i have endured and Watched other go though. i know what and how to do things. and everyones different. for sure
and playing allll this shit by ear? is perfect for me. im the freespirit that i want to be..the free spirit that i wish everyone around me was..just for the sake of having unbiased fun...
idk man. im sure im wrong about all of this to someone..but thats fine. disagreements are healthy.
everything is good.
my mind is racing a million right now and alls i want is to call a fly honey before i go to bed so i can say my goodnights only to wake up and text her in the morning. HAHAHAHAHA
fckit baby!

its 1230 on the dot..

im definitely headin out like sour crout..
im glad i started this blog.. i still haev SO much more to say and to hold back..
so until next time?
thank you for reading. yoru amazing. and ily

im happy

Sunday, April 19, 2009

I'm SO Ready!

So ready for life yanno.
I mean its happening right in front of me right damn now. And I'm in NOO hurry for anything (the future freaks me out)..
I'm just straight up ready. And I'm so damned tired of hearing that I can have whatever I want.
Materialistically. Speaking, hella. I'm in control. Shit. I get myself whatever the hell I want, simply because I work hard for the nice things that I buy. That's simple.
But as far as....other shit.. Like a companion.. Its stupid. I can fight for someones interest, but shit yanno. Haha if theyr not interested then its simple.
Move on. Right?
Nah, its Never that easy.. If it were that easy, then the person wasn't worth the effort in the first place right? Haha yeah. Fckit baby
So hmm. Where am I.

I'm currently on some 20 and invincible. Playin life by ear, whatever happens happens.
Totally on some o7 shit, for sure. And that's where I like it...but the only downer to that is:
Its lonely at the top... And that's metaphorically speaking of course.. Don't get it?
Think about it... I have everything I need in life, but a preferred companion to share my successes with. It and it only bugs me because I have experienced life in that state and I loved it.. It was euphoric in a sense. But all that's over now. And the day is April 18th, 2009. A Saturday.. At 11:01pm and I'm currently walking into ash leif and chels apartment.. Its cool to see them doin alright on their own. Fckn radd. And now I have a 3rd sanctuary.

So yeah! I guess I've outletted. All in like 20 min from my cool Blackberry Bold :)

Thursday, April 16, 2009

the month is april

in the best year of my life.
and guess what?
i Dont really k now.
one things for sure.
im not gona sulk. haha
i work at a pretty good job. and im fucking it up by being the scatterbrain that i am.
it sucks to think i may lose this job before i really get to show them how much of a help i Can be. idk man
i make iiight money thats for sure. and im pretty damned happy in life.
and then when awesome shit occurs, i have to be reminded that im alone. everyone has someone.

i dont need ANYbody. not you either. but ill be damned if i dont prefer someone to share my happiness and success with.

so yeah! this is an update of where i stand as of 4/16/09
sofar the fastest year ever eh.

i cant wait to someday look back at this shit and just be like damn..
im a fan of nostalgia.

Tuesday, April 7, 2009

sometimes you just need to vent?

but i really dont want to..
one shouldnt vent when not in the best of moods because then your thoughts will inevitably have a depressing overtone.
and thats not what i want right now..

life is cool right now. its the 9-5er with the extra frillz like a great surrounding of people.

but nights are a Bitch. haha
i stay around folks as long as i can. but there comes a time where you just gotta go home..haha thats where i live.
haha shit..
i am now watching the godfather...
i think this movie is my new fightclub..

its just a movie that i can watch and think about the things Missing from my life..
haha its a shame that i do it.

actually. no
fuckit. haha
it was taking that tone again!

im cool.
im layin here. watchin the godfather.
talking shit to my cat, and thinkin about rereading the long halloween.
its so fckn amazing man.
its how harvey dent became 2 face.. UGH! SO GOOD!
fuuuccckkk! the relationships and drama in that story are amaazing!
and then theres a sequal!

so im pretty fckn distracted.
and i dont like it.

my blogs arent cool anymore!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
but ive realized that i dont have too much to look forward to. hahaha
i fckn have everything!
except a companion.

but i fck going into that.

my phone is perfect..haha its interesting. im actually Still comPLETELY satisfied with my phone.
haha damnit.
everything in my room
i dont need anything.

i have a new camera and the picture game has improved. haha i havent shot in a few weeks..but i just havent had the 'itch' haha i havent spotted anything thats a Must shot!
so ultimately..
somebody marry me already.
hahahaha i love saying that!
i get the same reactions everytime! 'woow' 'hahaha pfff' 'haha your stupid fool'
haha but fuck son hahhaaha.

i have so much on my mind but nthn i want to speak about! haha
maybe im headed back to my demon days? nah nahh. haha jkish.

i need smthn new.i have issues standing still

Tuesday, February 3, 2009

i am a patient person

i am patient so that i will receive the things that i feel i deserve in life..
i was patient to find the one that made me happiest.
and everything was perfect.
everything about
the struggles only gave it all a reason..
i never thought id have to watch her be happy with someone else bcause i thought that i made her happiest...
it hurts so goddamn bad to be wrong.
ill never be good enough.
its so crazy man.
its depressing in so many ways..
why am i not worth the effort.
i try so hard to be different. and just..right.
but its wrong man.
im not ever going to change who i am and
that can only mean that ill remain the Resistible.
the one worth letting go.
the best friend one could ask for.
Danny Ray

why arent I worth fighting for?
worth being in love with