and im laying here...
been here since 10:30..not online..but fucking laying and thinking....
thats SO the worst...
but in the midst of all that thinking and what not..it hit me that i havent done one of these blogs in a while..
the whole 'its feb 5 at 12am.' blah..type shit..and i think those are my most fav. blogs to type...
cuz i just type whats on/goin thru my mind that i feel the public is ok to be informed on..stuff for the subscribers arent normally visible to the public..
annyways..
i have school in some hours..and well..bfd (big fuckin deal) haha
ive taken a liking to that saying lately..anyways.
schools cool..i like it..isnt too hard. still challenging to an extent.. annd when i graduate i'll grad with 3 degrees..only because theyre all 3 like 6 classes more then the orig gfx design one that im goin for..
bleh..
im lonely. still.
its so bad.
on i think it was what..sat? fri or saturday im gettin ready to go out and my moms is all
-so when are You gona get yourself a girlfriend dan?
-i dont know ma..somethins wrong with me. no one is/seems interested
-my dad throws his 2 in 'girls are trouble!'
-i know dad..but im bored man, i need some trouble! haha
-moms is all. yeah? well..i dont know go to parties meet new girls show them your handsome smile
-i do ma' but whatever im doin just aint good enough
-well..the right one will come along and no one else will matter
-yeah i know ma
-pop (jokingly speaking) 'you dont need no girl dan! theyre expensive and mean and they get into bad moods and fight
-yeah i know dad..haha i know man..
its was a funny to me..but damn..ya know?
moving on..
travis mcCoy of gym class heroes (the mc) is a verbal Genius..i think i look up to him..
bleh
'i'm like nine minutes away from finishing my nine hour shift
and wishing i was gone nine hours ago
'cause nine hours wasted
tossin' back the chicken
i could've written nine verses just in time for the show
slacker mind state retirin' on time that's borrowed
my motto's i'll stop procrastinatin' tomorrow
i took the sorrow from the windchimes
left happiness lonesome and strung up sarcasm to make the melody wholesome
from my lungs to my feet i'm breathing
everything i speak but now they're charging for oxygen
and the bills due next week
i'll be a day late and a buck short
story of my life
i wish my pay rate was much more
duckin' swords in a rat race
i didn't apply for running towards something that's fake
and thinking, why for? they're shutting doors right in my face
and sitting high horse is a car and a dope place something to die for
this is my war
I FUCKING HATE FUCKING COMPUTERS
i just lost 30 minutes of FUCKING TYPING BECAUSE OF STUPID SHIT.
so fuck..i dont evin know where i started..
(^that looks soo schitzophrenic.. my computer froze up on me and i was pretty much done typing so i had to type this all over again)
ok..so..
my weekend..
friday-basketball game..had to show my love for a few ppl mostly just one person..not really any others..and then we went to kims kickback/bbq
which turned out successful..and the night ended amazing..
saturday-i did jackshit..until that night, where i went to jackieboos party and had a hell of a time. haha it was awesome i must say..
and then tooday
sunday-super bowl sunday..bigtime party w0o it was great.but i dont really like watching football..its garbage. i'd MUCH rather play it..i was the shit for a little while..until politics came into play..owell tho the favored player is now very successful and playing in college n what not..haha anyways i totally got buzzed at the party (from alcohol) and life is great when your buzzed. haha i feel so..me. haha i really dont care when im buzzed. haha i mean i dont care sober to an extent..but buzzed..im just out there. haha
annyways.. i am here now..laying..HELLA FUCKING PISSED! i typed some GOODshti out..
anyways..haah yeah
so..
friday night i was driving someone home and we were having great conversation..tends to happen in my car..haha and like always..my career choice comes up...its pretty pitiful to me that i still dont know what i wana be..but..i guess its ok according to everyone else..not hating just..its not helping haha..dont get me wrong though! i mean everyone spits there suggestions of what they could see me doing..'graphic artist' 'computer repair' 'this n that..' blah..i appreciate every suggestion its just..i dont know..none of those seem....i dont know! haha i dont know myself..i dont know why i think what i think or why i think it..just..none of it strikes me as acceptable..although they are pretty successful..and thats all i really want in life..success and happYness..and hell..im nowhere near that at THIS second..but im sure ill reach it sometime in life..
annnnyways. ahha yeah..so we were talking and she says to me..'just do you..do you and get paid, i'd pay'...america...when she said that.. all i could say was..damn..yeah.... and more ....
its like..when she said that..i was so ready to have my counter action or simple agreement..but i didnt..all i could do was think..
do me...do me and make a living..i love being me..im an entertainer..i can put smiles on peoples faces..and i love it and i do SO much more than that..its just figuring out how..and what...i was so amazed.. i just wanted to drive with her forever and..i dont know be further enlightened haha but damn..
out of everything out there that's SO cool to do..i'd rather do in my free time or as a hobby..dont get me wrong..theres no escaping the system or corporate america..as much as i say fuck the system! or fuck the corporation..cuz its all bullshit..i would SO rant about how i feel about all of that but i dont feel strongly enough to go on about it right now so i wont..haha im an idiot..
but yeah..i do understand that i cant escape it so either way ill still have to get a job..which just isnt going my way..its like i did something wrong..haha but i got some advise tonight about a few things i can do..
anyways..im still typing..ive typed this shit out twice now..the 1st draft was SOOO much better..goh..fuck computers..theres no escape..haha anyways..
its 1:32 and im layin here..my eyes are FINALLY burning..i layed down at punkass 10:30...and it is now 1:32..i hope this now helps you understand why i stay up so late....
i guess..to escape myself?
im most definitely my own worse enemy..its like..my mind cant wait til its next chance to attack and unravel everything thats built up in it..i hate it...almost depressing..haha but depression isnt me. waste of time..
so yeah..
im gona leave this blog on the note of
figureing out how i can..
do me and make a good living..
thank you for reading..i always appreciate it..you know..
g'night
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