i dont know how to start it. haha. im just laying here knowing what i want to say but not what to say.haha
i say 'im not looking for bestfriendship'
im not..i dont need it. i mean i have a few friends that are HIIGHHH up there
but not exactly blaine jimmy and megan
i mean those 3..wow..
theres NO way......you can relive or go thru or just..experiance all that we have in the 5 years that we've gone thru together..we dont all talk much now but compared to what we all went thru in those years..theres no way its over.
i mean..i couldnt imagine somebody else taking there position..theres no way
'irreplaceable' but really.
whoelse would i want to talk to everynight as much as i did with megan about the irony of our love lives and what not..shes one of the few that know EVERYTHING about me.. and just..everything
or going 2 years of being a str8 nice asshole to someone..making life a bit harder for him to defending and standing by him for the next 2 over the same bs that i was doing for those 2 years prior and being the best of friends you could imagine and standing by him 100% when things got Real hard to deal with..and following along with the newest obsticles life throws at him and watching him overcome it and SOOO much more
yeah the hell right!
and Jimmy..wow..haha man..
theres just SO much..
and i wouldnt take back a second of any of it..those people helped me so much..im so greatful for them. i miss them so much now..but things'll HAVE to change..'ts only right.
thats not all i had to say..its just really uneasy to type..i dont really know why. it was all so simple when i was thinking it.. but i felt i had to type what i could just..because
Monday, January 29, 2007
Sunday, January 21, 2007
Vanilla Sky Quotables
theres just SO many..i had to blog it for quick access
My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works...
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.
the sweet is never as sweet without the sour,
Most of us live our whole lives... without any real adventure to call our own
What is any life without the pursuit of a dream?
Look at us. I'm frozen and you're dead, and I love you.
My father wrote about this in his book. Chapter 1... Page 1... Paragraph 1: What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?... Money.
It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening. And now you've simply got to ask yourself this: What is happiness to you, David?
Doc, once you've been driven off a bridge at 80 miles an hour, somehow you don't invite happiness in without a full body search.
mortality as home entertainment?
Do you love me? I mean really love me. Because if you don't... I'll just have to kill you.
My dreams are a cruel joke. They taunt me. Even in my dreams I'm an idiot... who knows he's about to wake up to reality. If I could only avoid sleep. But I can't. I try to tell myself what to dream. I try to dream that I am flying. Something free. It never works...
Every passing minute is another chance to turn it all around.
the sweet is never as sweet without the sour,
Most of us live our whole lives... without any real adventure to call our own
What is any life without the pursuit of a dream?
Look at us. I'm frozen and you're dead, and I love you.
My father wrote about this in his book. Chapter 1... Page 1... Paragraph 1: What is the answer to 99 out of 100 questions?... Money.
It's been a brilliant journey of self-awakening. And now you've simply got to ask yourself this: What is happiness to you, David?
Doc, once you've been driven off a bridge at 80 miles an hour, somehow you don't invite happiness in without a full body search.
mortality as home entertainment?
Do you love me? I mean really love me. Because if you don't... I'll just have to kill you.
Thursday, December 28, 2006
2006..
by far the best year of my life..
damn near perfect i'd say. i gained and lost alot.
its life. but this year..so much life has happened..i kinda dont wana move on. if i could i'd SO repeat o6..if i had a 2nd go at it. everything would be perfect, as against it as i am. theres a few things i wouldnt mind changing relationship/friendship/life choice wise..but its ok! 'everything happens for a reason' i guess..haha ppl use that to get thru drama. haha ill call it a pacifier..
anyways . to everybody that is in my life at this point or has been or evin aquaintances. thank you.
i appreciate everyone in my life.
this blog has turned into one of those sappy thank you speeches.
but fuck it. haha what i have socially is something most ppl wish for or evin dream about.
anyways. yeah..next year..07..school for no reason..and hopefully a job that i wouldnt mind working at..hell a callback would be nice also. haha thats a diff note..
yuah. this year ive been closer to my parentals more then ever and im glad cuz you never know what you have til its gone. well i know what i have and im enjoying every moment i have with em.
ive also learned..im pretty much in this 'life' thing alone. which ive known that yi know..you cant really rely on anyone or anything but yourself when it comes to satisfaction in life. im very accepting i learned early in life from the bio father that its not the best to build your hopes up. its garbage if theres letdown and if not then its 10 minutes of bliss and life goes on. no depression or nothin im just stating how i see the situation of 'building your hopes up'
my fucking space bar isnt fucking working! its killing me!!!!!!
anyways. haha yeah ive learned SO much this year its hella crazy..i feel like im set for life but i know im not theres always so much more out there but right now...ppl have no idea..haha for the last few months..ive been playing ppl mentally..its out of control..sounds bad but wow..im not saying im superior or nothing..but i ts wild..everybody around me is so predictable..its become.....i dont know..a challange? to see if they prove me wrong. i dont get proven wrong often. but im gona explain what im saying here..90% of conversations i have with ppl now..nothing is new. only words are different..barely reactions and meanings and sarcasm and simplicity and emotions..i see it all b4 it happens..which is why i most of the time say the right things. im gona admit it. i tell ppl what they want to hear. mostly females. but its because i'd rather avoid the guilt trip or the arguement or the question 'why' because i dont feel i should have to go thru that over and over again when a little white lie or evin a rightly worded no will work.
i dont know how ppl will take that but thats, hate it or love it either way its real. if it made any sense
also another thing ive learned about myself..
i know how to lie. now its not something i do. but if its serious and benefits whatever im doing it for..then ill commit to it. now when i say commit..that means i really have to consider doing it before i do it. cuz when i lie. im consistant with it.
________
if i lie to you. you wouldnt know.
i tested it. i told one of my darkest secrets to a friend. and she was soo suprised. i then told her i was kidding.... my secret has become a secret again
and it'll be that way forever.
the end.
i feel asif i'll be seen as psychotic for stating the past few things that i have above...haha fuck it! haha
randomness.....ive become prolly one of the most random(est) person you know as of now..i noticed myself..shits crazy i do what comes to 1st sometimes w.o consideration..i do it because well...it spices thigns up. ya know? as i stated above..things have become pretty predictable so if i see an oppertunity to change it up a little. im gona take it. the end
i feel i have leaked enough for the -not dan-(the public) to know..
but im gona go into one more thing..
relating to the 'im in this alone'
another thing ive tested on my friends..everyone minus me.needs someone to talk to. me being that person that understands everything basically because i put myself in your position and understand where your coming from whats happening and how your feeling..i can understand. shits awesome. i feel useful..
but for the life of me til recently and back to now. i dont talk about what goes on with me..
this person asked me today (via txt message) why im not a close person..
i told her its a waste of time to get close to others..i feel that way because well..i dont see a point in talking about past present or future events in my life because its boring..i dont remember my past ON POINT, my present life is always boring and my future well...i dont talk about that anymore because shit changes minutely and unless you have an rss feed on me..you may not find out until a month after its happened (hense the abercrombie hollister affair)
anyways.. i Dont tell my feelings..because well..i already know what your going to say. and when you say it (not speaking towards anyone in general) you sugarcoat or tell me what i want to hear. and i myself..*im my own worst enemy* i like that quote because well im more real with myself before anyone else. therefore i dont need to hear your little pep-talk that'll lead me on..no offense or anything
as a matter of fact
i hope none of this blog period is taken offensive. im just getting stuff out to the public..i guess..my mind. haha
anyways
yeah. i love my cat.
damn near perfect i'd say. i gained and lost alot.
its life. but this year..so much life has happened..i kinda dont wana move on. if i could i'd SO repeat o6..if i had a 2nd go at it. everything would be perfect, as against it as i am. theres a few things i wouldnt mind changing relationship/friendship/life choice wise..but its ok! 'everything happens for a reason' i guess..haha ppl use that to get thru drama. haha ill call it a pacifier..
anyways . to everybody that is in my life at this point or has been or evin aquaintances. thank you.
i appreciate everyone in my life.
this blog has turned into one of those sappy thank you speeches.
but fuck it. haha what i have socially is something most ppl wish for or evin dream about.
anyways. yeah..next year..07..school for no reason..and hopefully a job that i wouldnt mind working at..hell a callback would be nice also. haha thats a diff note..
yuah. this year ive been closer to my parentals more then ever and im glad cuz you never know what you have til its gone. well i know what i have and im enjoying every moment i have with em.
ive also learned..im pretty much in this 'life' thing alone. which ive known that yi know..you cant really rely on anyone or anything but yourself when it comes to satisfaction in life. im very accepting i learned early in life from the bio father that its not the best to build your hopes up. its garbage if theres letdown and if not then its 10 minutes of bliss and life goes on. no depression or nothin im just stating how i see the situation of 'building your hopes up'
my fucking space bar isnt fucking working! its killing me!!!!!!
anyways. haha yeah ive learned SO much this year its hella crazy..i feel like im set for life but i know im not theres always so much more out there but right now...ppl have no idea..haha for the last few months..ive been playing ppl mentally..its out of control..sounds bad but wow..im not saying im superior or nothing..but i ts wild..everybody around me is so predictable..its become.....i dont know..a challange? to see if they prove me wrong. i dont get proven wrong often. but im gona explain what im saying here..90% of conversations i have with ppl now..nothing is new. only words are different..barely reactions and meanings and sarcasm and simplicity and emotions..i see it all b4 it happens..which is why i most of the time say the right things. im gona admit it. i tell ppl what they want to hear. mostly females. but its because i'd rather avoid the guilt trip or the arguement or the question 'why' because i dont feel i should have to go thru that over and over again when a little white lie or evin a rightly worded no will work.
i dont know how ppl will take that but thats, hate it or love it either way its real. if it made any sense
also another thing ive learned about myself..
i know how to lie. now its not something i do. but if its serious and benefits whatever im doing it for..then ill commit to it. now when i say commit..that means i really have to consider doing it before i do it. cuz when i lie. im consistant with it.
________
if i lie to you. you wouldnt know.
i tested it. i told one of my darkest secrets to a friend. and she was soo suprised. i then told her i was kidding.... my secret has become a secret again
and it'll be that way forever.
the end.
i feel asif i'll be seen as psychotic for stating the past few things that i have above...haha fuck it! haha
randomness.....ive become prolly one of the most random(est) person you know as of now..i noticed myself..shits crazy i do what comes to 1st sometimes w.o consideration..i do it because well...it spices thigns up. ya know? as i stated above..things have become pretty predictable so if i see an oppertunity to change it up a little. im gona take it. the end
i feel i have leaked enough for the -not dan-(the public) to know..
but im gona go into one more thing..
relating to the 'im in this alone'
another thing ive tested on my friends..everyone minus me.needs someone to talk to. me being that person that understands everything basically because i put myself in your position and understand where your coming from whats happening and how your feeling..i can understand. shits awesome. i feel useful..
but for the life of me til recently and back to now. i dont talk about what goes on with me..
this person asked me today (via txt message) why im not a close person..
i told her its a waste of time to get close to others..i feel that way because well..i dont see a point in talking about past present or future events in my life because its boring..i dont remember my past ON POINT, my present life is always boring and my future well...i dont talk about that anymore because shit changes minutely and unless you have an rss feed on me..you may not find out until a month after its happened (hense the abercrombie hollister affair)
anyways.. i Dont tell my feelings..because well..i already know what your going to say. and when you say it (not speaking towards anyone in general) you sugarcoat or tell me what i want to hear. and i myself..*im my own worst enemy* i like that quote because well im more real with myself before anyone else. therefore i dont need to hear your little pep-talk that'll lead me on..no offense or anything
as a matter of fact
i hope none of this blog period is taken offensive. im just getting stuff out to the public..i guess..my mind. haha
anyways
yeah. i love my cat.
Tuesday, December 26, 2006
friends do come and go..
sometimes you just cant help it..you can do what you can..but if the others just too busy..or has other priorities that are bigger then you..you've no choice but to let em go eah? no theres no 'just try harder' for me. i did what i could and if its meant..they'll come around and if not..it was fun. haha ya know? i mean yeah you go thru alot and sometimes cant imagine things w.o that person..but damn haha if theres nothin much you can do other then force there attn..then you just gotta let em go.
Wednesday, December 20, 2006
currently pursuing happy(i)ness
pursuing happiness..the movie pursuit of happyness..SO good..i really cant explain..but one thing i will tell..it pointed out that in the dec. of independance
you have the Right to Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
now i underline the word right and pursuit because well..you have the right to life and liberty..those 2 things are entitled to you..you don
you have the Right to Life, liberty, and the pursuit of happiness.
now i underline the word right and pursuit because well..you have the right to life and liberty..those 2 things are entitled to you..you don
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