who’s up for some excitement?

you wont find it here!
here i am in this space...to type...
and im blank.
the car ride home tonight i gave myself a headache, thinkin about everything.....
fuck it all-
i bought a pen and a little memo book..the small cutsie ones that ppl carry around to jot shit...
well im gona become a Master Jotter..hahaha nah
but i Do have 80 pages to write what i want..
because i think im gona make it a private one...
yi know..where it says "private stay out" on the cover n shit..haha that girly shit from the movies..i dont care.sometimes i think of some 'poetic' shit..that some ppl just dont read with the right mind..

im listenin to twistas 1st..."Adrenaline Rush"
shit takes me back to 11th grade..haha what a year.

fuck i still have a headache..
caused by me..
haha so is that self inflicted pain?
haha right..

yeh...
so yeh...so im pretty bummed that life is not conveinent right now..
and in the midst of all this "bullshit" <--(the only word i can think of to call whats goin on in my 'life')
i find myself wanting to speak to my biological mother....i only call her that publically..
i call her mom when i refer to her..shes actually a quite amazing person at times too..
shes 24-7 bullshit..i dont evin know the last time something good happened for her?
but damn..shes still alive man..she still calls me when she gets the chance..i guess shes over takin care of my sisters n shit at the moment..she dont have a job i dont think? but i understand..keep them from killin eachother..haha both bein 30+..
she lives though..day to day..ive got my problems yes..i cant just shake everything off in my life because theres always someone going through worse..fuck that. i am something diff..but nothing amazing..i am only human.
im tired of explaining stuff anymore..i wrote something today in my new trusty handy dandy notepad..
"the lack of _________ship in my life is driving me to a fucked stage..how do i know?
cuz ppl are starting to notice..
i dont talk about my problems america.
the shits just unnecessary. so of course i shake it off..
i have told 2 or 3 ppl my problems..
i got 0 help..
not that i was looking for help man..
i take care of that myself..i was just sharing to......test i guess..
actually a co-worker of mine is pretty good with "advice"
i like having him around for that..
haha cuz when i tell ppl my problems..i normally tell them the solution and then inform that i was just sharing because i felt it was necessary......(i know im talking in circles..fuck it) but yeah..

this phrase has occured alot lately "why are you such a know-it-all?"
im not..i promise!
i just think before i say..thats all..evin when it doesnt seem like it...i do




wow....i still have this headache..
and theres still so much on the mindwave..but im just not going to share..

thus making this a pointless blog...
one day ill have a good one! haha i promise...things cant stay bland forever..


i think im being played with?
owell though..sometimes its fun to analyze