anyways....
i crawled back outa bed because i know that you folks really need an update..
and i have aLOT on my mind..
i just dont know what or how to get it out..fck
its 4:19 am and i have an essay due in less than 5 hours. i was laying down to sleep for a good 4.9 of those hours..haha im bad..
but i do what i do..i am conscience of what i do whether it good or bad..
but what am i doing now? what am i doing..i hate being in that position..
i have learned about myself that im a fan of things going right the 1st time around..
i have learned that my interest is hard to keep in EVERY aspect of life..
it sucks..but it is life
and its what i live.
i love to live.
living is so easy for me Life isnt easy for me..but living day to day. doing whatever comes up. its easy..its that 'laidback' shit. and i prefer it.
i prefer being a civilian living everyday life with the dayjob that pays just enough to live.. its crazy how people front that its soo ok, but deep down are scared to live a life without drive..without a dream..without..a plan.
(thats a bold statement dan) i dont care..i have given folks the benefit of the doubt when i tell them that i dont know what i want to be in life and that i gave up trying for the simple fact that i dont care!
ppl will prolly read that and think i dont care what i turn out to be?
fck off with that. i can guarantee you that i wont be a begger..
beggers and the homeless inspire me..i dont even care how it sounds. the shits true. they inspire me to keep on keeping on with my dayjob. i dont have a dream to pursue. so i pursue whatevers on top of my list at the moment. i dont have ambitions to be a VERY RICH AND WEALTHY person. i dont. i dont care. im if that makes me a low life? then so be it. it may let you down but it sure as shit isnt letting me down because i know for sure that i know how to save for a rainy day..although there are MANY MANY MANY fckn obsticles..
i still manage to have something put away..
fuck the system..its trash
and to hell with law enforcement..fuck them they do a good job at serving
im not bitter though. im just gona pay my fine that i dont deserve and live life.
im going to pay for my 2 classes (YES 2 classes, get over it) that im not really eager to start.
i Will pay off my credit card (300 doller balance) and then raise the limit (from 500 to 700) (yes, i do have the means of doing all of that, without the help of my parents. NO, im not flossin, nor will i ever be..maybe) and then purchase the camera that i want.
its whats at the top of my list at the moment.
so hmmm..because im paying $700 for a camera and 2 lenses, prolly means that i want to be a photographer when i grow up?
nah..i just like taking cool ass pictures with the occasional conceptual picture.
dont i have better things to blow my money on?
yeah i do.
im sure theres a few things you could think of. but guess what?
ha. im not gona say it for the sake of sounding like an asshole.
haha
ive become a bit of an asshole over the last 2 months and whelp. i am aware. but hey, the nice guy gets a little fed up with being taken for granted.
dont worry though my fellow americans. im still VERY nice, until i have a reason not to be.
its the holiday seasons and im working retail. awesome huh?
i'd say..
i worked 13+ hours this week and i am over it.
maybe i deserved that amount, who knows.
hmm...so what else has gone on in the last 2 months that doesnt involve job and love life?
NOT MUCH! haha but to hell with going into the love life. that shit...
wow.
too much..and im very greatful for everything..i havent had this much excitement and ~drama in....my life! im not exactly ~enjoying~ it all but hey! we all gotta go thru it man. just another chronicle to try to teach your kids so they dont go thru the same shit..but no. haha that shts inevitable america. just embrace it! drama aint nothin but a matter of feelings and words. the end. haha
(was that subtle enough?)
so the semester is coming to an end and so nears my Drive to pursue a degree..
folks dont even know man..
throughout high school (4 years) plus jr high..i Never planned on going to college..
if it were up to me! i wouldve attended either of my zoned schools and just been as socially successful as i am coming outta votech. educationally though? eh.
for me...i know what i know and acquire more knowledge as i go..but if im not interested? then my attention is somewhere else..back to the point..
i am attending school because my mother would like to see me at least obtain a degree of some sort even if it was just the basic associates..and then with the pretty nice help provided by financial aid..
why not? i mean..mom and pop are 'proud', and the others see it as a young african american man making something of his life (no im not getting racial, just be real and understand that thats what runs through the minds of older folks from an era that doesnt consist of that) thats how i feel when they give the approving nodd and then ask what my major is, before suggesting something that actually makes money.
i like being a bit more blunter..i see some 'edge' in this writing..i dont like it though. haha i feel that the people wont like what there reading? hey! its whats goins on right now. read past blogs and notice the change..its life..
life is going on. i have school tomorrow and then after that? idk. maybe hang with somebody and then return to my bed at the end of the night. i like it.
i am currently satisfied with life, with things as...outta whack as they are..i am learning from everything, thats the Best you can do..
to hell with dwelling man. that isnt me.
"never looking back, or too far in front of me, the present is a gift and i just want to BE"
who's up for some inspiration. hahaha srsly though...im thinking about printing that out in 3 diff parts and then putting the 'never looking back' part above my door that leads to the house, and then the 'or too far in front of me' in front of my door that leads outside. and then 'the present is a gift' above my computer desk, OR my bed
EH? EH? yeh..its all good.
so i purchased some wayfarers:
..
">from ebay for like 10 bucks with shipping and im pretty sure that theyre the business right now..hahaha
and thenn! my threadless collection has grown to 9 shirts now. im pretty excited! im finally not forced to rock the inevitable hollister..not that i have a probby with it..that word 'hollister' just makes it easy for people to label me. haha which ALSO isnt a problem for me..im interested in what people can come up with for a label for me. i stay random for a reason!
haha "it keeps the tricks guessin"
haha yeeaaah buddy!.
so i have SOOOOOOOOOOO much more to write..but i dont feel like it..haha simple as that my nigs....
hey.
thank you for reading.
im sorry for taking so long to update..
i appreciate you! and im sure we'll be in touch!
iloveyouall
talk to you soon
piece outros
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