independance

at the end of the day.
all you have is yourself..
of course you have friends n family along the way..but if your somewhat like me..
they'll NEVER know whats TRUELY going on in your mind..
i scare myself sometimes with the bullshit that goes on up there.. i wish there was a way to just show....
nah
ha.eff that. too much..
i relate to my sister angie SO much its boggling..and thats why when i tell people that im prolly gona lose it some day..
i dont say it just because my sibilings are..slightly off..
but because i relate to my sis angie the Most and shes the most..-out there-
it would only make sense...
now im not being negative! i think its kinda funny. but its pretty serious..
shes paranoid to hi heaven. haha but better safe then sorry man..and shes in the sorry state. and being safe to prevent any more -sorry- and i learned that early..
trust no one..you just cant..everones diff.
now!
i trust ppl. just not with some tings. and im entitled to that!
everyone is..

my current background on my page is that of vanilla skies...
there so gorgeous..at yesterdays game..i was sittin on the bench. and i see the clouds..
they were identical to these

that picture is so gorgeous..theres this one by the same artist..its a metaphorical disaster..and i found it online..and its called 'metaphorical journey'
..">
that picture is..wordlessly amazing.. i sat and stared at it for 30 minutes at the aladdin..and eventually i was just like damn..i dont get it..hahaha but its still beautiful..and theres so much meaning to it..
fck art!


which brings me to my next thought..
while i was driving home from the aladdin that day because ash suddenly had a diff. ride home.
i realized..
i think i enjoy being at a location on the strip..alone.
SO MANY people..every second.and btwn now and sometime last november...i find myself spending many hrs walking..somewhere on las vegas blvd. if not outside the in one of the casinos just walking.minding my own and smiling back at the ones that smile at me..life is so diff when alone and in such an environment..
in my home area..i cant go somewhere w.o random complete conversation being made..i love the Best of both worlds. absolute silence on the strip
and being treated as an equal around home..
i go down to smiths and do my shopping n what not and acknowledge that there are others in the building and when i go to check out..one of the people ive made eye contact with. looks up at me, smiles and then ask's where i got my hair cut..
i tell him asif ive known him years just where,how, and who and evin how i came to meet my barber.
we discuss all of the details and its established that, that will be the next place they get there hair cut, by the same female.
and then its a handshake and a smile and off..asif we'd just bumped into eachother.. i love it..
i love being easy to talk to..
because (back to the strip..) i see people that just have that look....that -fuck you,/dont bother me- look and i Bet..theyre as open as i am..you just gota take that extra step to initiate convo..which i dont do.
ha..
im in control