4th blog of the night and im feeling fiery. ok not really. just uber mega lonely. and in need.
but! its just me. my imac. phone. camera. and blogger as of yet.
im playing with the layout by hand. i fckn hate html. its so nerdy and computery yanno? fuck man i have work tmoro :(( i need that new york life.. i need the culture. the life. the...ME
this wreck right here. it aint for the faint of heart.
so im gonna watch a super hero movie tonight.. so i can hopefully escape for the 2.5 hours that it'll have me.. i hope strongly for an escape because im not tired. jesus. i wish i didnt have a voice in my head. or sad memories. omgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgomgom AHHHHH
SOMETHINGS GOTTA GIVE!!!!!!!!!!! my head literally spins at times. but i cant spend 20 hrs a day AWAY from home. that isnt fair to the ones that miss me the most..
imfineimfineimfineimfineimfine
i havent spoken a word in over an hour now!!!!!!! i havent even sang a song lyric!!! whats going on? im gonna feel so stupid tomorrow.. but at the same time......getting through these nites is getting rough! man!
omfg... i made that picture on a night like this... i took like 50 of them, and.
fuck you!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! god im so not this weird
then i would be drunk right now... nothing literally mattered. haha but fuck it..this is my life and im gonna deal with whatevers in it. haha but seriously though.. wasnt that shit funny? haha asif a blog could watch a video and give me feedback. fuck friends man. id rather just lay with someone.
so im gonna edit this pic of sev real quick..ill brb.. bitch
i love editing lately...idk haha but i have NO sense of urgency to do it..
so anyways...once again. ive lost my train of thought.. its only 9-11 pm and i took a nap at ashs...so that just means that its gonna be a LONG night man... i fucking hate these...i had one last night.. im envious of those out there that have someone.
so this guy kid cudi -http://kidcudi.com/news/- hes a pretty cool fckn guy..idk his mixtape isnt whack. its what ive been bumpin lately next to q-tip and the aquabats. hahaha the mthafckn aquabats man.. theyre senseless and i love it... you know what? its just occured to me that i have an obsession with senselessness. i hope that doesnt end up fatal. haha that wouldnt be good, cuz then ill just do senseless shit just because...asif i dont do that now..
so what next? i didnt go to ces this year.. i woke up today and i just..didnt want to do it alone.. but i didnt really just want to do it with anyone.. people whom know me well, know that im geeky. i think thet that is an experience i would love to share with someone that isnt as tardy as me. haha maybe next year.
i could give so much of a shit less how this years going to be. i lost alot last year. bigtime just proved that in life: all bets are off!
i miss my mother man.. fuckin....' i just want to talk to her again.. fuck yanno? she grumbled and mumbled worse than me..and i love that now. i see her now as my escape? yanno like..her life sucked so bad...but man..she never did say shit like 'damn my life sucks' and i started to look up to that in the end.. it never use to be an example for me to follow. but shish haha 'life' in general is whackly right now man. the most ive got is my livelyhood. and family. whom i dont take for granted..i could just use more. oop! there i go again.. i digress...
i cant believe im alone right now. i would take it as far as calling myself pitiful.. but illl let someone else do that. til then. im so damned cool. yanno??
i wish someone ive never met in my life, would interview me.. im interested in the questions that they would ask me, and definitely the answers i would give.. i want to be publicly important.
my life is so content on the outside. gah! i can just sitback and look at how beautiful things are.. but for all things good...theres gotta be something beneath the surface?
so tell me something?
yeh..you cant haha. just a box. like a canvas. and am i the artist? or the manatee. haha sharkweek that shit...
Ill tell ya what bugs the effin shiit out of me... And that's a line of 50 people at the goddamn redbox, and folks spending 10 minutes at the bitch for one movie? Dude fuck you its the gdamn redbox. Not rocket science.. Fuuck! So anyways. It doesn't make any sense how scatter brained I am.. I like it n all but aren't I too young? Haha shouldn't I be on some kinda mega cool effected drug? Haha damn
I wish I had funky ass moves so I could dance battle...
I'm here at ashs b'ng from my phone and I realize that I have a mean home alone life.. Thanks to my own conscience. I digress.
What is there even to talk about yanno? Ccity may be closing...I'm honestly scared, but its definitely something that's been coming.. jeremy and I had a talk and he's genuinely optimistic about it and I feel for him... Optimism can lead to the biggest of heartbreak. Haha but hey, maybe his hope will keep us around.. I need that place man. Not the company, but the people.. Its like school all over again. Even with the stupid gossip and drama, but its okay. I'm over it man. I've learned many lessons and am quite bummed that things bit me in the ass.
It seems whenver I have something to vent that I always end up avoiding the same topic.. I wish I could just type it Allll out... But I don't want to. I don't want to remember the darkest period in my life because of a lot of reasons..I just didn't deserve it. But I'm working on going back to the person that never thought of himself because I was more considerate. now.. I just don't want to hear peoples problems because I either just don't want to think about mine, or I already have suggestions and solutions to their problems because of what I've learned... That's not the point if talking though.. The point is to listen and give feedback when necessary.. Maybe I should write a book? Haha Naaaah. I think I need to live asif I've never been heartbroken...
So anyways.. Moving on is a waste. And I'm tired of trying.
Hello there. My name is Danny Ray and I am a person. A person whom is___ Word.
What happened to my 2007 life? Haha fuuck! I was soooo on track to.... Just being who I wanted to be.. and I still am, but I have the biggest urgency to not be alone now. And I swear, I use to be able to spend forever in my own head. No issues.. I guess I was a perfect person for a time. And now when I try, I just attack myself on how I'm not good enough for So much.
Jesus!!!!!!!!!! My writings use to be so happy and forward.
Why am I not a keeper... I'm here at ashs b'ng from my phone and I realize that I have a mean home alone life.. Thanks to my own conscience. I digress.
What is there even to talk about yanno? Ccity may be closing...I'm honestly scared, but its definitely something that's been coming.. jeremy and I had a talk and he's genuinely optimistic about it and I feel for him... Optimism can lead to the biggest of heartbreak. Haha but hey, maybe his hope will keep us around.. I need that place man. Not the company, but the people.. Its like school all over again. Even with the stupid gossip and drama, but its okay. I'm over it man. I've learned many lessons and am quite bummed that things bit me in the ass.
It seems whenver I have something to vent that I always end up avoiding the same topic.. I wish I could just type it Allll out... But I don't want to. I don't want to remember the darkest period in my life because of a lot of reasons..I just didn't deserve it. But I'm working on going back to the person that never thought of himself because I was more considerate. now.. I just don't want to hear peoples problems because I either just don't want to think about mine, or I already have suggestions and solutions to their problems because of what I've learned... That's not the point if talking though.. The point is to listen and give feedback when necessary.. Maybe I should write a book? Haha Naaaah. I think I need to live asif I've never been heartbroken...
So anyways.. Moving on is a waste. And I'm tired of trying.
Hello there. My name is Danny Ray and I am a person. A person whom is___ Word.
What happened to my 2007 life? Haha fuuck! I was soooo on track to.... Just being who I wanted to be.. and I still am, but I have the biggest urgency to not be alone now. And I swear, I use to be able to spend forever in my own head. No issues.. I guess I was a perfect person for a time. And now when I try, I just attack myself on how I'm not good enough for So much.
Jesus!!!!!!!!!! My writings use to be so happy and forward.
Songs about Jane. 2004 man... i swear NOTHING mattered that year. haha you can just look at my hair...
my brothers getting up for work... its 3:22a and i work at 10 and i have to pick up brown before i do that... but i just dont feel like sleeping.. im not depressed anymore.. just down. its just me and you blogger. desolate.
sunday mornin rain is falliiin steal some covers share some skinn. where did i go wrong? i was 100% independent and now im 20 in my prime and all i want is someone. yeah i sin a bit, but thats not satisfying. how could it be? it wasnt before i had anything. it isnt now.. but it sure is something to do every once in a while. haha whatever nig.
darkness she is alll i see. come and rest your booones. with. mee. this is for def. me and mama broglias song..
my life is at the standstill that i always despised about life. but im ok with it. i really am because im in an indefinite comfort zone. im through taking chances and risking my 'coolness' factor. it isnt worth being the person that i'd rather not be. im a blessed person that desirable and completely resistible. haha aint that some shit? but it is ok. i am ok. i digress.
Verb
1.
digress - lose clarity or turn aside especially from the main subject of attention or course of argument in writing, thinking, or speaking; "She always digresses when telling a story"; "her mind wanders"; "Don't digress when you give a lecture"
i really like the word. just like i use to like clever..and linear...and many others. im a man of many words, and it was amazing because someone complimented..or spoke upon my ever changing vocabulary. and i told him that i took pride in being a person that people know to be different...
i had another talk with my mum the other day... its crazy to see her give such amazing parental advise, but none of it effective, because i already know... haha im the one telling her what i need to do, and how things are/will be. and she can just see how much of a person i have become.... i feel so alone. but this be the road i chose. im living with it. it isnt okay, but its definitely safe from certain bullshit.
i do have one person. we've never met, but thats the best part about our friendship. we've had plenty of chances to meet. we share a crowd of peers. but thats the beauty of it.. me and her can talk all day about everything. and it doesnt matter. but what i have with her..id rather have with a 'someone' and thats where the 'all or nthn' comes into play. but im through giving up my bestfriendship in an un mutual way. i told myself id never do it again after morgan. and im doin ok at it.
i do the BEST that i can to prove to people that i am a keeper. but slowly and for Surely, its being proven to me that i am not. if i were any weaker minded..then my mentality would be broken and im pretty sure id be a scoundrel that has his way with perfectly normal females. but thats not me. im the passive. ill let them realize down the road. its bloody disgusting but what am i gonna do? i cant control anyone and am never going to try. i tell ya... 3 times in 6 months i was decided against for someone else. jesus. whats wrong with me? im not going to go into it though because its quite depressing and so not worth thinking about...
i hate the era that i reside in.. but its whatev...
im better than this. im a happy person. and i now have a burden. and im going to front like i dont have any. for the sake of my sanity? haha naah not for that. im completely sane. i turn down anyone whom calls me crazy because thats the pretty easy out.
a very unexpected text message has been recieved. its 3:38 :/ love is a helluva quandary
speaking of quandary i would TOTALLY put tracy morgan on my list of interesting people...haha but outside of 30 rock..hes a pretty funny comedian..but not list worthy.. haha my list now consists of: Andy Warhol, and Marlon brando. id like for it to grow :) but only time will bring that. haha
hes sucn an asshole there..but fuck. haha why not? it was funny. get over it yanno? he may not have been such an amazing person, but i like him in a different way that has nthn to do with his art...but his art is pretty cool. originality is everything.
but im over it. it is now 3:51 and i dont know if ive gotten everything off my mind, but i dont really know if there was really anything on my mind anyways.. so whats the point?
fuck a point. and when if my time ever comes early in this life. then one thing i want the people of my world to know is that Not everything needs a fucking point. it just doesnt. just live. yanno? its so hard for people to do JUST that. hell me too but thats because i let my past influence my thoughts. but for the most part. i just live quit fckn worrying about everything yanno? everythings going to be ok. aslong as your not in TOO bad of a situation..im not ambitious, i just know what i want and all i have is my patience. and if my patience doesnt bring me what i want then i guess it wasnt meant. im not a fighter. ive fought for one thing and i lost. miserably, but i learned from it, and decided that im just not going to do it. just let what i want come to me. i want a new camera, but i have one now. so in time. it will make its way into my possession. but im not going to fight for it, because im in no position to make such a large purchase at the moment. im still paying on new york for a few months...
new york... my mother now knows that i wont be starting the new life that im so ready to start, until my life here has come to an end..and the 2 of them. are my life. and not in that way. just not in that way. i just consider them the biggest things in my life and theres no way in hell i could leave them and not be here for them when i can.
bad subject.
i need to go to bed, but i dont want to stop typing in this box.. its so back to reality when that happens.. and my reality after 11pm in this room is quite bad...very bad.. its scary how ones thoughts can haunt ones self..it isnt fair. but life goes on..
