2006..

by far the best year of my life..
damn near perfect i'd say. i gained and lost alot.
its life. but this year..so much life has happened..i kinda dont wana move on. if i could i'd SO repeat o6..if i had a 2nd go at it. everything would be perfect, as against it as i am. theres a few things i wouldnt mind changing relationship/friendship/life choice wise..but its ok! 'everything happens for a reason' i guess..haha ppl use that to get thru drama. haha ill call it a pacifier..
anyways . to everybody that is in my life at this point or has been or evin aquaintances. thank you.
i appreciate everyone in my life.
this blog has turned into one of those sappy thank you speeches.
but fuck it. haha what i have socially is something most ppl wish for or evin dream about.
anyways. yeah..next year..07..school for no reason..and hopefully a job that i wouldnt mind working at..hell a callback would be nice also. haha thats a diff note..
yuah. this year ive been closer to my parentals more then ever and im glad cuz you never know what you have til its gone. well i know what i have and im enjoying every moment i have with em.

ive also learned..im pretty much in this 'life' thing alone. which ive known that yi know..you cant really rely on anyone or anything but yourself when it comes to satisfaction in life. im very accepting i learned early in life from the bio father that its not the best to build your hopes up. its garbage if theres letdown and if not then its 10 minutes of bliss and life goes on. no depression or nothin im just stating how i see the situation of 'building your hopes up'

my fucking space bar isnt fucking working! its killing me!!!!!!

anyways. haha yeah ive learned SO much this year its hella crazy..i feel like im set for life but i know im not theres always so much more out there but right now...ppl have no idea..haha for the last few months..ive been playing ppl mentally..its out of control..sounds bad but wow..im not saying im superior or nothing..but i ts wild..everybody around me is so predictable..its become.....i dont know..a challange? to see if they prove me wrong. i dont get proven wrong often. but im gona explain what im saying here..90% of conversations i have with ppl now..nothing is new. only words are different..barely reactions and meanings and sarcasm and simplicity and emotions..i see it all b4 it happens..which is why i most of the time say the right things. im gona admit it. i tell ppl what they want to hear. mostly females. but its because i'd rather avoid the guilt trip or the arguement or the question 'why' because i dont feel i should have to go thru that over and over again when a little white lie or evin a rightly worded no will work.
i dont know how ppl will take that but thats, hate it or love it either way its real. if it made any sense

also another thing ive learned about myself..
i know how to lie. now its not something i do. but if its serious and benefits whatever im doing it for..then ill commit to it. now when i say commit..that means i really have to consider doing it before i do it. cuz when i lie. im consistant with it.
________
if i lie to you. you wouldnt know.
i tested it. i told one of my darkest secrets to a friend. and she was soo suprised. i then told her i was kidding.... my secret has become a secret again
and it'll be that way forever.
the end.



i feel asif i'll be seen as psychotic for stating the past few things that i have above...haha fuck it! haha

randomness.....ive become prolly one of the most random(est) person you know as of now..i noticed myself..shits crazy i do what comes to 1st sometimes w.o consideration..i do it because well...it spices thigns up. ya know? as i stated above..things have become pretty predictable so if i see an oppertunity to change it up a little. im gona take it. the end


i feel i have leaked enough for the -not dan-(the public) to know..

but im gona go into one more thing..
relating to the 'im in this alone'
another thing ive tested on my friends..everyone minus me.needs someone to talk to. me being that person that understands everything basically because i put myself in your position and understand where your coming from whats happening and how your feeling..i can understand. shits awesome. i feel useful..
but for the life of me til recently and back to now. i dont talk about what goes on with me..
this person asked me today (via txt message) why im not a close person..
i told her its a waste of time to get close to others..i feel that way because well..i dont see a point in talking about past present or future events in my life because its boring..i dont remember my past ON POINT, my present life is always boring and my future well...i dont talk about that anymore because shit changes minutely and unless you have an rss feed on me..you may not find out until a month after its happened (hense the abercrombie hollister affair)
anyways.. i Dont tell my feelings..because well..i already know what your going to say. and when you say it (not speaking towards anyone in general) you sugarcoat or tell me what i want to hear. and i myself..*im my own worst enemy* i like that quote because well im more real with myself before anyone else. therefore i dont need to hear your little pep-talk that'll lead me on..no offense or anything

as a matter of fact
i hope none of this blog period is taken offensive. im just getting stuff out to the public..i guess..my mind. haha
anyways

yeah. i love my cat.